Hi everyone! I'm new to allDoulas, but I've really been enjoying reading all of the posts!

My question is about balancing the doula-life with the personal/parenting life. I feel very passionately about becoming a birth doula - I feel like it's a calling that I've finally found. However, I'm a SAHM to two little ones, so I'm also concerned about who will take care of them when I'm called out, what it's like to be "on call" all the time, and so on. I've considered getting certified as a post-partum doula first and adding the birth doula certification later (rather than the other way around, like I'm planning), but I really love the birth doula role, so I'm feeling conflicted! I would also love to become a birthing educator down the line - I love it all! I'm just at a loss for which order to go in...

What are your stories about balance? What order do you recommend (if you were to recommend) for a SAHM - birth doula, post-partum doula, birthing educator, lactation counselor? Obviously, I will make my own decision, but I'm curious as to your opinions, since you all have the experience.

I'm also wondering about income. I''m not new to having my own business, but I'm curious about the stability of this line of work - I'm not looking to get rich, but I do need to make enough to get by, so I'm curious... I'm curious about this as well in the grand scheme of things - which ones are the most consistent? I would love to be a birth doula PLUS something more consistent if that was possible. I wish I had more firsthand knowledge about this industry! :bugeye

Thanks in advance for all of your wisdom!

Hi! Welcome to Alldoulas! I'm a birth doula and love it! I'm also a lactation counselor. It would be important to set up something or even a network to take care of your children while at a birth. There are many moms on here that do that. My children are older...my baby 15 so childcare has never been an issue for me.

As to which order....only you can decide what fits into your life. It is a tough decision.

Income? For me being a doula is a good side income. It ebbs and flows as far as having clients. Plus I've recently gone back to school so I've severely limited the number of clients I will take. Because I decided that school was my priority I've put my plans to work toward childbirth educator on the back burner for now. Again...you have to decide your balance and it's really hard for anyone else to tell you what that balance is.

You are in San Diego....have you talked to other local doulas? That would give you a great feel for the area. Good luck in your decision!

Hi and Welcome to All Doulas!
I am the mom of three children, two in Elementary School and a one year old baby. I have been asking myself the same questions for a while now, and I have decided to get cerfified as a Birth Doula first, and to start a CBE program soon after.
I live in Canada, and in this part of my country, Doulas don't make a very good income. Here, we need to have several clients each month (which is hard when you have children) in order to make a decent income, harder if you want your Doula income to be the primary family income. Natural Childbirth classes are becoming more popular in my area, so I decided to go for a CBE to complement my Doula income. I also have a small buisness on the side, I make birthing dolls which helps a bit here and there. Having a very supportive husband who works at home with a flexible schedule helps a lot, to split working hours and to watch the kids.
This arrangement is somehow working for us for now, however, I keep asking myself how to balance working and family life whithout loosing on what is important for me and for my family. I find that multi tasking, flexibility, open mind, getting the right number of clients, and researching what is going on in your community -and trying to find the trends, markets, needs, is also helpful.
Good luck!

First off I have to say FORGET BALANCE!

Balance to me suggests a tight rope walker....to much stress! For my I strive for harmony.Harmony to me is a blending, a coming together. High notes, low notes. But all coming together to make wonderful music of our lives. Each of us is unique with our needs , desires and responsbilies so harmony will be differant for each one of us.

I am the mama to 6 and it took me years to create harmony between my passion for supporting mamas and my passion for being with my awsome kids.

My solution was to limit myself to one birthing family per month, and offer childbirth classes, consultations and other appointment based services.

My schedule is ruled by my kids schedule. lol

When I have to head off to a birth my hubby will stay home since its only 1x month.If it is a long birth then I have family and friends who will take the kids while my honey works.

So far this has only happened to me once.

For a long time I had a hard time with my ambition for work and my desire to be with my kids, homeschooling and being part of softball, soccar, dance, chior, pottery ect with them until I came to the conclusion that I can still have success in my biz and be the mama I want to be by shifting my perspective....instead of having to make lots of $$ and see lots of clients (my idea of big success)now I veiw it as building a strong foundation for future growth and even bigger success

This took alot of pressure off of me.

Sometimes its hard because I want all the fun materiel things out there but my priority is my family so staying home and cooking, renting movies to watch on an old tv, driving an older(but great running) mini van and limiting the # of mamas I work with is so worth it.

Hope this helpss

I will just post quickly. i am not in your situation at all, so I will just throw my experience into it. I know that it will sound less than supportive, but all I am giving you is my perspective.
Being a doula is hard work. I do not have any children that I need to arrange for. I have been married long enough that my husband does not whine if I am gone for a few days at a time. If I did have that I could not do this. I left my house at 4am Saturday and did not arrive home until noon on Sunday. My daughter (bless her soul) insisted on picking me up..as she knew I was exhausted and would be a road hazard on the 30 mile drive home. I was useless the rest of the day, and here it is noon, and I am still in my pj's.
I do not count on what I make to go twards the family income.... it helps, but I do not count on it. My husband does not count on my income either. Sometimes, like yesterday, I wish I could charge overtime! I worked for less than minimum wage. BUT some births I make alot more...love those 3 hour ones! :-)
Work is sporadic...some months are crazy busy, some months there is nothing.
Being on call is hard.. it is hard on a family. I try not to let it rule my life, but you just never know when or where your phone will ring. This is fine if you take one birth every 3 months...but when you are doing 3 or 4 births a month, this can get old pretty fast. But we do it because we like our jobs.
Actually at long births I usually think to myself " I am never doing this again... I am done." But after a good nights sleep I usually am ready to get back at it.

Good luck with your decisions. I know I am sounding like "miss merry sunshine doula" today.

First off I have to say FORGET BALANCE!

Balance to me suggests a tight rope walker....to much stress! For my I strive for harmony.Harmony to me is a blending, a coming together. High notes, low notes. But all coming together to make wonderful music of our lives. Each of us is unique with our needs , desires and responsbilies so harmony will be differant for each one of us.

I am the mama to 6 and it took me years to create harmony between my passion for supporting mamas and my passion for being with my awsome kids.

My solution was to limit myself to one birthing family per month, and offer childbirth classes, consultations and other appointment based services.

My schedule is ruled by my kids schedule. lol

When I have to head off to a birth my hubby will stay home since its only 1x month.If it is a long birth then I have family and friends who will take the kids while my honey works.

So far this has only happened to me once.

For a long time I had a hard time with my ambition for work and my desire to be with my kids, homeschooling and being part of softball, soccar, dance, chior, pottery ect with them until I came to the conclusion that I can still have success in my biz and be the mama I want to be by shifting my perspective....instead of having to make lots of $$ and see lots of clients (my idea of big success)now I veiw it as building a strong foundation for future growth and even bigger success

This took alot of pressure off of me.

Sometimes its hard because I want all the fun materiel things out there but my priority is my family so staying home and cooking, renting movies to watch on an old tv, driving an older(but great running) mini van and limiting the # of mamas I work with is so worth it.

Hope this helpss

Thank you so much! This is actually the "plan" I had in mind, and it makes me feel so much better to see that someone else has actually instituted it and sees that it works! I would like to eventually have just 1 birth per month and do education (childbirth, breastfeeding) as well for the very reasons that you've mentioned! My husband, like yours, is willing to call out to work once a month if I need him to, and I have family available to watch my children if and when he can't do that - I really just needed that extra oomph (like you've given me) to show me that it can work.

Thank you!

I have yet another side to show.
I have three children, two of whom are young, ages 2 and 3. I completed my training last year and am waiting for my last certifying birth client to deliver, and then I am hanging up my birth doula hat for a while. Because as Michele put, it is hard work. I had an image in my mind, combined with my passion toward the work, of how things would work out for us. But the reality has proved different.
My husband works full time and while he could take off once a month, I am not prepared to leave my little ones for a birth possibly lasting more than 24 or 36 hours. Because while I would have to recover from a birth, I would still need to be a watchful parent fully concentrating on her children. And, for me, I can't do that when I am exhausted.

I hope that you are able to find a way to make birth doula-ing work for you, I do not mean to come across as a pessimist, I am just trying to share another side to this. Granted, it is not like this for everyone, but for me. I have since completed postpartum doula training and am working on my childbirth education certification and I will concentrate on those while my babies grow up for a few more years.

In regards to balance...I think alot depends on what you can handle personally as well.
I just can not function if my house is messy or disorganized. For my own sanity I need to have my dishes and laundry always done. I need my house clean. I wish I was not this anal about things.
I also know that I need alot of downtime and I can not be always crazy busy. This makes me extremly irritated.
I also like sleep.

So.. when choosing your path, you really have to work with what your personality lends itself to.

I appreciate everyone's input here - you guys are the best! I do realize that it's a lot of work (I'm no stranger to that having owned my own businesses for the past 4 years!), but since I don't know that much about the whole doula industry, I was having a hard time figuring out if my vision was feasible. After hearing from all of you, I believe that it is, so thank you so much! Even the so-called "pessimistic" views are super-helpful, because I do need to hear that stuff, too. I think the pros outweigh the cons though, and I feel confident in myself to find a harmony.

Plus, I took FLLucinda's advice and asked a few San Diego doulas about their own practices in this area, and that was completely reassuring. My (future) trainer was particularly helpful and encouraging - apparently San Diego is a great area for doulas! At any rate, I'm signed up for my Feb 20-22 training, I have two clients already (friends), and I'm feeling good!

I am going to try to do my post-partum doula training in March and possibly do the CAPPA distance-learning childbirth education certification as well this summer, as I think (from what I've read here and other places) being well-rounded helps with maintaining that harmony and a more steady income. Starting as a birth doula makes the most sense to me as it is the true basis for this whole industry (in my eyes!) and will only give me valuable experience to help more moms in the other areas.

Again, thank you so so much! And if anyone else has any wisdom, please chime in!

Oh that's great. I'm happy you connected to some local doulas. One thing for when you are on call. Make sure your child care arrangments are rock solid. Lots of friends and family say sure, they'll babysit for you. Then when it comes down to it, they view your work as a doula as your hobby and are busy. I see this often affecting new doulas. Good luck and have a great training.

Everyone has had great advice thus far.

being away from the children and then needing a few days to recover after a birth is a challenge, especially with little ones at home. the general rule is 2-3 days to recover from those 18+ hour births. Having a plan for getting home a 10AM from a long birth and not needing to be the sole care giver for the little ones is vital.

Also, while there are months that I can make more than my husband, we never bank on that fact. He's the primary bread winner and my income is just a bonus. It pays the bills when it needs to, funds our hobbies and vacations when its able to, etc.

Reliable child care is a biggie. When you walk out that door you really have no idea when you're gonig to see your family again. You could work with a backup and set limits on the number of hours you're willing to be gone, but some clients won't like that, and it's incredibly hard to walk away from a birth once you're involved. Your husband or SO needs to be able to take over your duties, get the kids fed, in bed, up and out the door the next morning, etc and do so with a willing and supportive heart. Otherwise this work can put a real strain on your marriage.

I'm glad you worked it out!! Have fun at your training!

For the time being, for me, it means taking time off during my own post partum stages, and limiting myself to home births. :blush I find hospital births (at least in our area) tend to be longer, and much more emotionally stressful, which tends to be a bad combo when I have to come home and parent littles the next day.

When I'm older and tougher and get more :snooze to begin with, I may brave up and do hospital births again. For now, it just makes me :panic

I also limit myself to one birth a month. :peace

I'll just share my personal experience...
I started with volunteering with LLL in 2001, then became a LLL Leader in 2003, then started a local playgroup, then became a breastfeeding educator in 2005, then began working as a postpartum doula, then started my business, which shiften to focus primarily on doula work, education classes and support groups in 2007...
It was a gradual process.

My kids were born in 2001 and 2003, and I wanted desperately to be a sahm. As they got older, I started to have more time to myself (that was not focused on childcare) and began to explore other ways to keep myself in the birthing and new-mama business (which I love and really feel "called" to do). When my oldest started Kindergarten last year, I saw an opportunity to start focusing more on my career ad began pursuing doula trainig through DONA.

I still have plans to add other things to my resume - additional training and skills that will help me be a better mama and wife and doula... it's all about taking it one step at a time and not adding too much to your plate at once.

I agree with Hypnomomma wholeheartedly!
"For a long time I had a hard time with my ambition for work and my desire to be with my kids, homeschooling and being part of softball, soccar, dance, chior, pottery ect with them until I came to the conclusion that I can still have success in my biz and be the mama I want to be by shifting my perspective....instead of having to make lots of $$ and see lots of clients (my idea of big success)now I veiw it as building a strong foundation for future growth and even bigger success.
This took alot of pressure off of me.
Sometimes its hard because I want all the fun materiel things out there but my priority is my family so staying home and cooking, renting movies to watch on an old tv, driving an older(but great running) mini van and limiting the # of mamas I work with is so worth it."

I also have blocks of time that I don't take clients who are due within. These are times that I need to refresh myself and focus on family priorities, and I schedule "time off" for myself after a birth (which means that I am careful of client scheduling and don't usually take more than a couple due within the same month). Since I do postpartum work as well, a lot of my work can be done during the day, which doesn't take time away from my family.
~h

Thanks for the personal account. I think just having little ones you wonder how to balance it all. Especially when you are excited about doing it all!