Worries, Fears, & Concerns

Kacy · 07-05-2007, 07:08 PM

Pursuing a new career can be really scary and overwhelming, and all of us have had worries and fears at some point or another! So tell us - what are yours? Sometimes just talking about them diminishes their grip on you. Plus, since so many of us have been there, we may just have some words of wisdom for you. Even if we don't, doulas are good at

DoulaKaren · 07-05-2007, 07:32 PM

Well, with my 1st client's due date 10 days away... I'm petrified I won't remember anything, that I'll freeze, and that I'll pass out or get sick! I'm afraid that I won't know how to support my client, who is not sure she will want anyone else in the room with her. I'm afraid that in an effort not to be pushy, I haven't gotten through to my client that the epidural she wants carries the risk of a cascade of interventions (even though I have used those precise terms...)

I'm also afraid that my kids will not do well while I'm gone, which will make taking future clients more difficult.

How's that!

LatinDoula · 07-05-2007, 07:35 PM

I'm afraid that i'll forget everything too! and not know what to do! also that the mom will be like "YOUR NOT HELPING" that to me would be the worse! Also about nurses and midwives, and doctors...need i say more. My first client wants to labor at home and then go to the hospital, but i'm afraid i won't know when its time! yikes..this is all making me nervous!

~karen

Kacy · 07-05-2007, 07:44 PM

ladies! Let's see, what are mine?

Like you, I'm afraid I'll be of absolutely no help. I'm afraid I won't have the courage to just jump in and help. I'm afraid I'll lose them when I'm following them to the hospital. I'm afraid the doctors and nurses will hate me for no reason.

Ahh, I feel better.

I'm glad I posted this thread, LOL! We can all be each other's

fearlessbirth · 07-05-2007, 07:50 PM

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

I felt the same way at my first births (and even at later ones...although I've only attended 7) and will tell you when you are 'in the moment' you'll know what to do. Your courage and confidence will kick it. Even if you feel like you're not 'doing' anything or remembering everything you practiced mentally, mom (and dad) will be happy that YOU are there. Many times (and we've discussed this in previous posts) you can leave your bag in the car, forget the books and lotions....your calm presence and encouragement is priceless!

Don't worry! I can't WAIT to hear all of your 'first' birth stories

You'll all be GREAT! And, as is true for every birth you attend, you'll learn something new...about pregnancy, birth, the process, yourself, and can apply it to the next job!

carre46 · 07-05-2007, 09:59 PM

Exactly what Fearlessbirth said...I felt that way just a month or two ago as I was having my first few clients...however, I realized that many times things do kick in and all it really takes are kind words, a few ideas every now and then and support, support, support...You wouldn't be even consider this line of work if you weren't able to use kind words and give support...so you'll be fine! Most moms don't expect you to be able to "fix" everything- they just want someone to reassure them and be understanding of their needs/desires.

As for all the other things (i.e.-getting lost on way to hospital) there are things you can do beforehand to calm those fears. I always yahoo directions from my place to birth center/hospital/home and from those places to what might be next-home to hospital, birth center to hospital, etc.

Overall, you'll do great!! Can't wait to hear! Lots of

for you! But you won't need it!

motherslilhelper · 07-05-2007, 11:37 PM

Oh, I have all the same fears and concerns as you all!!! Sometimes they are so strong that I feel overwhelmed and question myself whether or not I can really do this! I worry that I won't know the right thing to do, or how to get started.

And of course that it won't be the right way, too much pressure or too little!

I worry about not stepping on Dad's toes and making sure he is involved the way he wants to be. I also worry about the doctors and nurses hating me for no reason

I'm hoping it will all fall together once things start happening and I do a good job for mom

doula Michele · 07-06-2007, 10:02 AM

I have been to over 25 births and I still worry that I won't be able to do the right thing for that particular mom. So I do the best I can do, some women seem to just need more help than others.
I worry I will be tired and my next phone call will come just as I am crawling into bed, and I will be awake for another 36 hrs.... ( LOL this happened last night, 20 friends showed up unexpectedly for a deck party, and all i could think was I want to go to bed in case Barb calls me in the night)
I worry I will get old before I ever make this into a thriving business. You know...the kind of business where my husband doesn't laugh when I say I am working!
i am sure there is more...but thats it for this morning!

LatinDoula · 07-06-2007, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doula Michele

I worry I will get old before I ever make this into a thriving business. You know...the kind of business where my husband doesn't laugh when I say I am working!
i am sure there is more...but thats it for this morning!

I think doula(ing) is one of the best businesses out there. and its important, were not out to just get your

money

like most businesses. We just wanna help moms deliver their beutiful babies and have a wonderful experience! Ah if only men walked in the shoes of a doula....

! Michele you can never be too old or too young to run a business! and your doula services are needed!

ctowndoula · 07-06-2007, 01:30 PM

Does it comfort you to know that any GOOD doula worth her weight in gold worries about these same things as she is starting out (perhaps even longer)?

Honestly, it is that caring attitude that will help you to remember exactly the right thing to say. Your compassion is your best tool and you obviously have it!

doula Michele · 07-06-2007, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatinDoula

I think doula(ing) is one of the best businesses out there. and its important, were not out to just get your

money

like most businesses. We just wanna help moms deliver their beutiful babies and have a wonderful experience! Ah if only men walked in the shoes of a doula....

! Michele you can never be too old or too young to run a business! and your doula services are needed!

But to me this also is a business, and I am all about making $$. I love what I do, and I realise the value and the work I put into what I do, so I do not feel a bit guilty for charging good money and treating it as a business. My husband is also a self employed business owner, whose desk is beside mine, and he works about 16 hrs a day.... and when I say i am working I am usally on All Doulas!!
And honestly, I do not want to working when I am older.... so we are making our money now. And LOL I am not exactly young. Definatly one of the older doulas on the boards.

FLLucinda · 07-06-2007, 06:35 PM

I have all the same fears...that I will freeze, won't be of any help. I also worry about working the the nurses, midwives, doctors. When I get those fears I remember back to being with my friend as she delivered her baby and how my being there, encouraging her, talking to her, massaging her and her words at the end...."you should do this for a living." Then it all goes back into perspective and I feel better.

MothertheMother · 07-06-2007, 11:55 PM

so, I've attended a few births now and just started getting comfortable in my doula self and now I've up and moved! I'm worried all over again about new environments and what the birth culture is like etc. Lucinda is my new doula neighbor so at least we can be in this together!

I second the response that you just "know" what to do in the moment. A very kind doula once told me (when I was awaiting that phone call for my first doula birth) that you need to keep in mind that all of the books, studies and workshops combined don't mean nearly as much as your kindness and compassion. Those are the most important things you bring to a birth. After all, the very first doula studies weren't even based on trained doulas, just women who stayed in the room with laboring mama's. If you bring nothing but kindness and compassion you'll still have an amazing positive effect.

Tarstar · 07-08-2007, 10:59 PM

I'm a postpartum doula so my fears a little different. I've had one client (volunteer) so far.
My biggest fear is that I only like the "idea" of being a doula and when I'm working will just feel like a babysitter and I really don't like babysitting. When I was working with my client, I didn't feel like that and loved being with the older children, but this fear continues...
My second fear is that I'll never make any money doing this. I don't need to get rich, but I need to bring in some income in the near future, and have only had one call since I started advertising.
I'm also writing my test for Cappa and fear that for some reason I will fail it...ah the fear of failure.
Anyway, thanks for this thread, it feels good to write these fear down..maybe I can begin to let them go now.

mamabelle · 09-13-2007, 02:56 PM

OK.....
So I am with Tara on the postpartum fears! I am afraid that I will be used as a babysitter and I don't like babysitting either. I can only do postpartum work for now, I'll get certified to be a labor doula when the time is right....my girls are too young and I have no help with childcare if I get called in the middle of the night. My hubby works crazy hours.
I am afraid that my clients will not like me, although I am a really, really easy person to get along with and have a good sense of humor, so maybe they will :o)