kids & your career?

luvmytees · 09-26-2007, 10:29 AM

I am planning to attend training class next month , already paid, etc. & now my DH tells me he think I shouldnt do this "doula thing" until we know we arent having any more kids?!

Our youngest is 14 months now & I wont have a problem with last minute childcare, we have family & friends willing to help out.
So I was wondering ... how many of you have young kids and /or still plan to have more? Has it hurt your "career"?

doula Michele · 09-26-2007, 10:50 AM

I waited until mine were all grown up. Or at least self sufficient.
My husband is self employed and works at home, but I just never felt it was fair to dump my kids on friends and family on short notice.

But thats just my feeling and opinion.

It is also very stressful trying to get things rounded up when your phone does ring with a mom in labour and all hell is breaking loose on the other end of the phone. And then you are trying to track down your baby sitters.

But I know there are many doulas on this list with small kids and they manage to make it work..

MyDreamDoula · 09-26-2007, 12:45 PM

I have an almost 2 year old and while I have to face a few more obstacles than a woman with older or no children it still works for us. I plan to have 1 more child within the next 2 years. I think you have to do what is right for you.

DoulaKaren · 09-26-2007, 12:49 PM

This is a tough one for me, too. I took my training when my youngest was 3 months, and now he's nearly a year old. I will be taking my first client in the month he turns a year. It's tough because we probably want to have more, and I feel like once I get the hang of being a doula I will end up pregnant again and have to take time off. Hopefully though, after Hypothetical #3 arrives, I can do postpartum work and CBE stuff.

Babycatcher · 09-26-2007, 04:28 PM

I think if you feel ready now, then go for it! I know there are several doulas on here that worked through their pregnancies, and you can always decide when not to take a client or mark time off!
Personally? I am done having babies of my own, and my youngest is 22 months, but I would LOVE to adopt a baby someday, and I am not putting my career path on hold because I know in my heart I am ready to pursue this now. I am also an aspiring midwife and even if we had another baby I wouldn't put it off anymore, I would just take time off as I needed because this is a path I was meant to be in...but that is just me.

Best of luck with your decision!!

Babycatcher · 09-26-2007, 04:42 PM

Quote:

My husband is self employed and works at home, but I just never felt it was fair to dump my kids on friends and family on short notice.

I also want to add that my husband is also self employed, but I wouldn't feel I am dumping the kids on him when I am going to a birth because they are his kids too, and we believe in parenting the kids together, so if he is called out to do a job, I take care of the kids...and if I am called, he takes care of the kids. We work as a team in that respect, and believe that the parenting should be shared, which makes things very easy.

Could you imagine how hard it would be to make a living if you had to wait until the kids were grown so that no one was burdened by them? I am sorry, I guess that remark just kind of offended me a little, and it didn't seem very supportive.

doula Michele · 09-26-2007, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babycatcher

I also want to add that my husband is also self employed, but I wouldn't feel I am dumping the kids on him when I am going to a birth because they are his kids too, and we believe in parenting the kids together, so if he is called out to do a job, I take care of the kids...and if I am called, he takes care of the kids. We work as a team in that respect, and believe that the parenting should be shared, which makes things very easy.

Could you imagine how hard it would be to make a living if you had to wait until the kids were grown so that no one was burdened by them? I am sorry, I guess that remark just kind of offended me a little, and it didn't seem very supportive.

Sorry that I offended you.... I was speaking strictly about myself, my husband and my kids, and my feelings on things.

Raven · 09-26-2007, 06:33 PM

I just wanted to give another perspective on the working Mum situation. I worked full-time as a nurse all the years that my children were growing up; from them being babies until they grew up and left home. (Actually, my son is still at home but you know what I mean!). My husband and I shared the parenting and we always had a nanny or family to help. Like every mother who works outside the home I worried about how this would affect my kids and if they would feel I had not been there for them as they were growing up.
Some years ago, my daughter who was then about 22, settled all my doubts by telling me that she and her brother had had a very happy childhood and that what they remember is that even though they knew I was at work, they also remember me being at every parents evening, sports day, school play and so on. It was such a lovely thing for her to say and I was on a high for days. It was also a trememdous reasurrance that neither of my children felt they had missed out because I had been, and still am, a working Mum.

Of course, every family is different and we all want to be the best parent we can be, but, leaving your kids to work outside the home isn't always a bad thing. To be honest, and I hope I don't offend you, but what you've written about your husband sounds more like he is using the kids as an excuse to stop you doing stuff outside the home that might lead to you having a career of your own. He must have reasons for this even if they are not obvious ones, so perhaps you might want to get to the bottom of this so you can get a clear perspective of what's really going on in his head.

Kath

luvmytees · 09-27-2007, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven

To be honest, and I hope I don't offend you, but what you've written about your husband sounds more like he is using the kids as an excuse to stop you doing stuff outside the home that might lead to you having a career of your own. He must have reasons for this even if they are not obvious ones, so perhaps you might want to get to the bottom of this so you can get a clear perspective of what's really going on in his head.

Kath

For us this is b/c my husband & I both believe that our children need to be with mom until they are weaned so that means I wouldnt be leaving my babies for awhile (seeing how my 14 mo old still nurses 3x a day) which I guess would put a hold my "doula'ing" when I have more kids.
My youngest DD as of right now will probably be weaned by the time I am ready to take on clients though

did i make sense?

UtahDoula · 09-27-2007, 05:08 PM

Ah, but that time when they are young like that is a great time to be PREPARING for the doula work to come. If you train, read, etc. now, then you'll be ready to work when the baby weans. You could also consider childbirth education, lactation training, etc. to be working on as your babies are still nursing.
I began doula work when my middle daughter was 2. She was still nursing a little, pretty much just at bedtime if I was home but if I was gone, no biggie, cuddles with dad worked, too. I did births for 2 years, until the 7th month of my last pregnancy. I picked up birth work again when my youngest was 15 months (she self-weaned at 13 months) and have been doing it ever since then. (Youngest is in kindergarten as I type!)
If you're really feeling a pull to do this now, don't put it off because MAYBE you'll have another baby.

doula Michele · 09-28-2007, 09:43 AM

Bottom line is that you have to do what works best for you and your family!
I waited because thats what I needed to do.I needed to spend every moment with my small kids that I could. ( now that they are all moved out, I miss those days) Others make it work just fine.
So whatever works for you and your husband in your situation is what you need to do.
Good luck....and even if you are not doulaing, you can read, take classes, be active in your birth community.

myrmom · 10-02-2007, 12:08 AM

Quote:

For us this is b/c my husband & I both believe that our children need to be with mom until they are weaned so that means I wouldnt be leaving my babies for awhile (seeing how my 14 mo old still nurses 3x a day) which I guess would put a hold my "doula'ing" when I have more kids.
My youngest DD as of right now will probably be weaned by the time I am ready to take on clients though

I just had my first client last weekend and I have a 3 year old and a 18 month old. My 18 month old is still nursing very very frequently throughout the day and night but he did amazing over the course of my 28 hour absense. Yes he nurses every few hours when i'm around but when i'm not there he does well. He is not given breastmilk in a cup as it really isn't necessary and will enjoy more food and soy milk through out the day when i'm gone. I think you can nurse fully when you are there and still be away for a birth. We plan on having one more in a couple of years and I will take 9months to a year off after baby is born and then be back at it. HOpefully by that time i will be a CBE as well and able to do that in the lag time.

Anyway good luck whatever you decide and trust me the classes wont hurt if you do decide to put it on hold. Any knowledge no matter waht and when it's used is good knowledge...who knows you may learn something for your next birth.

b'earth angel · 10-02-2007, 12:36 AM

I gave birth to my DS in Aug. Took him w/me to my doula training in Oct. One of the reasons I choose to do this is because it is flexible (mostly) and supports women and children who are breastfeeding. It allows me an outlet of creativity and be at home most of the time, just as I want to be. My mother was very willing to watch the children, so I didn't have a problem w/childcare.
However, now she has taken a job and I'm not sure how I'm going to work out the childcare issue. In our circle of family and friends, we don't really consider it dumping to watch another's children. (although I have know people in the past who did such thing!) Just apart of being a family.
My DH is also of the opinion that if I'm nursing I need to be available. I think he gets nervous if the kids get hungry and I'm not around!

. But we are each different.
Best wishes on your decision.

DoulaCBE · 10-02-2007, 01:27 AM

I have 11 years between my girls, who are now 14 and 3.
I ended up taking about 2-3 years out of my active doula career due to severe hyperemesis and breastfeeding.

I did my first birth 18 months after my youngest was born as a photographer and it was tough on her. I returned back to work full time right around the time she turned 2. She did much better then.

Frankly, I can't imagine having another baby during my career. While I could still perform my duties as coordinator and running our group doula practice, my passion (births) would have to once again take a back seat and I have no desire to once again take time off from doula work.

We had a loss in July and it really just confirmed for me that I am DONE having children. The anguish of knowing what another pregnancy was doing to my body (health wise), what birth would require of me, the angst of knowing I was going to have to give up my passion once again were very clear signals to us that we were indeed done.

Neshama · 10-05-2007, 04:14 PM

You bring up a valid point, and as a woman with no kids... and no prospect of them in the near future (but hey you never know) I havent had to deal with it, but I have been thinking about it.
I dont like doing things half assed, if I'm going to be a doula and midwife and nurse (maybe nurse, maybe) then heck, that's what I'm going to devote my life to doing.
If I'm going to be a mamma, then heck, that's what I'm going to devote my life to doing.
I'm trying to learn to balance myself a little better so I can not be so obsessive with one thing or the other. There are other roles that I fill simultaneously, so why not those?
I can be a daughter and a friend and a student at the same time, without those comprimising the other. Its a road we must travel, this decision, and it will be different for each of us.

I'm sure that did not help one bit,

But I'm gonna keep an eye on this thread.