Honesty time...

MamaBella · 03-11-2008, 10:54 PM

HOW do you do it with kids???

I'm really wishing that I could be a birth doula... right now I'm looking at just doing the Pp Doula courses and taking a class in lactation. Money for the trainings is not an issue, I did 2 years of Americorps and have gov't grants as "compensation" for that.

My concerns are my kid(s)!! Hubby works M-F 8-5 and we have a beautiful DD who is almost 2. We are currently ttc and I really want to get going on this but can't imagine my life being "on call" to mama's...

Is it economical??? Honestly~ Can you afford an on call nanny/daycare?? I might have the option of "pairing up" with a friend who wants to do these trainings with me and be a doula too... do mommy-doula's work in teams sometimes like some midwives do???

HOW DO YOU DO THIS?????

Thanks Ladies!! I've only been registered for 4 hours and already I can't leave!!!

cathy · 03-11-2008, 11:34 PM

I think your plan to do postpartum and lactation training is good. Why not start with that? After a bit you could add the doula work very slowly. When my kids were little I only did one birth a year. So maybe you could take work only around your husband's vacation or when a relative is coming for an extended visit? My children are now older and it is easier. Except for my youngest they can stay by themselves. I still think being on call is harder than the birth (except for those over 24 hours). You may want to take your time and ease into this life.
Best wishes on your endeavors.

MamaMichelle · 03-11-2008, 11:41 PM

I'm lucky. My husbands job is forgiving and my mom lives 3 doors down from me. I'm hoping and praying it stays this way AND that I can line up some more births. Good luck and welcome!

amymaew · 03-12-2008, 09:25 AM

Check out the doulas and family life forum if you haven't already. I have a million babysitters (well, more like 5, but it feels like a million lol), my parents live a block away, and dh's job is very flexible and understands that I work on call. So it works. I am stopping birth doula work after my June client and probably won't start up again until the new baby is at the very least 6 months old though. Good luck!

missilla · 03-12-2008, 11:00 AM

Well first, this is a very addicting website. You will get so much support and help from this site.

I have the luxury of my husband scheldule he can work from home pretty much any time. I also have a lot of people who can watch my girls, church, highschool kids and family.

make yourself a network and see who is willing to help you out. But only take serious helpers. you would be surprised how many people you have to lend a hand.

and you have 1 baby there are some of us with 2, or 3, or 6 kids. it definitly gets harder the more little ones that you have.

good luck and follow your heart.

DoulaKaren · 03-12-2008, 12:10 PM

It can be tough! I have 2 kids (age 3 and 1), 1 work at home dad, and a preschool that is also a daycare facility. Probably the toughest part is having just one car because if I get a call at 1am, I need to take a cab. So, worst case scenario, cost-wise, is $80 for daycare for both kids and $40 cab (and that's padding it) to and from the birth place.

Or, it could be on a weekend and there are no such costs involved! I do wish for a granny nearby though!

DoulaKelli · 03-12-2008, 01:39 PM

I'm kinda in the same situation. I only have two kids, but I also run a daycare and homeschool, which takes up most of my time. I can do a little studying in the evenings, but then I am so tired at 6:30 in the morning when I start getting ready for yet another full day. When I started my training I had a little more time to study.

We are also planning on another baby, but don't know when. So I am trying to decide if I want to get it out of the way before we have another and do a few births (I would just hate to have to stop and take a break the first few months while baby is newborn) or just wait until our next one is about a year then start up everything again (that just seems so long though probably a couple of years)

I don't know if I can wait that long.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm not much help, but I understand where you are coming from. Maybe you can go ahead and get the training part and workshops out of the way.

DoulaYvonne · 03-12-2008, 01:49 PM

When I first started, I felt as though being 'on call' was not feasible because my children needed me (on top of that I was bfing, how could I, or my ds, deal with a marathon birth?) So, I went ahead and trained as a pp doula. Theeeeen......I was asked by a friend to 'doula' her during her labor and birth.

I was hooked!

Now, childcare is, and will continue to be, an issue until my dc are a bit older. My mil lives next door, so she is my "go to" person for childcare. DH travels quite a bit, but if he's not traveling he is very accessible.

So far, so good. It has worked out for us. Also, I do not have a huge workload. I teach HBOB classes and breastfeeding classes, and have private lactation consults. These are things that you can plan and you know exactly when they will occur. It might be an option for you to teach some CBE or the like while your kids are small.

Best of luck to you!

momofmany · 03-12-2008, 02:31 PM

I have wanted to be a midwife for a very long time - about 13 years. After I decided that being a doula would be easier with small children, but still too complicated at that point in my life. Now, finally, I am at a place where it will work. My youngest is 18 months old and my dh now owns his own business and can be home if need be. Still not a good time to study midwifery, but maybe in a few years it will be the right time.
Here is why I decided to wait until time was right. Helping others with birth is a passion for me. I *love* it. I feel like if I tried to "make" it fit in with my family, I will end up resenting both, family AND doula/midwifery care. For me, family must come first. You still have lots of time, don't rush things. I really think being a lact. consultant and CBE would be a wonderful choice for you right now! Also, you can be studying all things birth until you do venture into doulahood, then it will just go that much quicker and smoother for you.

DoulaMorgan · 03-12-2008, 07:16 PM

I have GREAT friends who let me drop my kids off. And my baby is willing to take a bottle with pumped milk. Otherwise, I wouldn't do it until he was weaned. It it hard... but for me, totally worth.

JessicaE · 03-12-2008, 07:43 PM

I started with CBE work, and held off on doula-ing until my youngest was a year old. I started building my business and now that he's 19 months, things are really picking up.

I have several partners, and on each birth I split call time with another doula. It's not ideal for my clients, I know that they really want to have *ME* there with them for the birth. But it's as far as I'm willing to go, in terms of sacrificing my family life. I haven't been able to find good childcare options, since my DH starts work at 7 a.m. and either someone would have to come to our home very early, or he'd have to take the kids out very early if I was at a birth. Anyhow, he works 12 hour shifts, 14 days out of 28. I'm on call on the days he's off, and my partner takes call time for the days he works.

I haven't found any easy answers! I hope you'll find the right balance for your passion and your family.

doulafava · 03-13-2008, 10:42 AM

I started going to births when DS was about a year. Its hard. We don't have any family in the area, and even though DP has has a flexible school/work schedule, its still the biggest challenge. We have several friends who were very enthusiastic about helping out. But the reality of being on-call is just something you cannot prepare people for. So, if you're friends say they can help you out, they really, truly have to be ready at a moments notice to watch your kid. Even if they have a Dr. appointment. Even if they are at the zoo. I just didn't want to burn-out my friends. So, now I have an on-call sitter. She watches Hugo once a week and is home watching other kids on weekdays, so I truly know she will be there when I need her. With a new one on the way, we'll see. I'm going to ry to make sure he takes a bottle of EBM, so that will leave me with more options.

It does seem like the "on-call life" is harder on some people more than others. I have a DP who rolls with the punches, and is generally very supportive. It doesn't bother me much, and I actually enjoy being away from my family for awhile, and don't feel guilty. Others feel differently. We have discovered that 3 or 4 births a month is the limit. Any more than that and we start to resent the situation.

americanmum · 03-13-2008, 12:27 PM

My kids are 2 and 5 (and I'm new at this). I'm NOT someone who has a hubby that can leave work at a moment's notice or a mom/MIL that lives down the street or very willing to watch the kids for me...here's what I've done.

- I sent out an email to all my friends/people I trust with my kids, explaining what a doula is, why I felt passionately I wanted to do this, and explaining I needed on-call help with kid-watching. I also made it clear I'd pay for childcare - I didn't want to feel like I owed anyone a favor but that's just me. I heard back from a handful saying they'd help me out.

- As doula business picked up I had to weed out a couple of friends who said they'd help, but it became clear they really didn't "get" the on-call stuff...I would need to go to a birth and they would say "well this is a really tough time of day for my kid". So I don't call them anymore for childcare.

- Finally as I networked with other doulas I've met others with kids in the same boat. We have an understanding that we can watch each others' children if either of us has a client go into labor. (Hopefully our clients never go into labor at the same time!)

- I know that some doula businesses do work as partners, with different doulas taking call shifts. The downside to that is that your client might not have a close relationship with the person who ends up being at their birth.

MamaBella · 03-13-2008, 01:35 PM

Wow!

Thanks for all of your personal stories... I have lots of ideas brewing in my head now...

I think that, for me, I will try to network with other doula-mommies as I get going in this. I would totally be willing to be an on-call sitter for someone who wants to do a childcare swap. And getting a whole network of doulas is a great idea! I could have hubby leave work if it's and emergency and I can't find anyone... My mom is close but I get a large helping of guilt with every freebie chilcare I draw from her. hmmmm...

I think I will just have to have patience as I go through my trainings and hope that the right answer pokes it's head up as I go...

DoulaMegz · 03-13-2008, 01:43 PM

There were lots of good ideas in this thread! Wow!

I think you'll sort it out. I'm pregnant now and will probably attend births until I can't anymore and will take 6 months off from doula-ing (if I can stand it) after the birth. But I love the idea of childcare swapping with other doulas. Thank you for asking this question and thanks to all you great doula-mammas with such great ideas!