Young doula who has never been pregnant -- advice?

[Cara]

Hi everyone,

I am an aspiring doula , 23 years old, and have never been pregnant. I am very excited about becoming a doula, I love working with women and look forward to helping them through pregnancy and birth. My concern is that people may be skeptical of me because I have never been pregnant or given birth. I want to be able to help women through their own birth experience and believe I can do so because I care deeply. Any thoughts on this? Are my concerns valid?

Thanks very much!

Cara

[DoulaMegz]

I'm the same age and had not been pregnant when I started. I feel like the only thing I lack is empathy, but just barely. This work is instinctual and some couples will appreciate your newness, others will not. There's a client for every doula, and a doula for every type of client. You'll gain the crdibility you feel like you "lack" having not had your own child as you get more births under your belt. Just be patient. I've done two now and never given birth, I just don't have my own story to tell, in some ways it makes it easier, I think it keeps me from thinking about or talking about my own experience so I can really focus on that mamma!

[amymaew]

welcome to There are lots of members here who haven't been pregnant - I don't think you should let that stop you

[SamiNoodle]

From an "old" aspiring doula who has yet to get pregnant, I am glad you asked since the same questions and doubts have been holding me back a bit. Meg- your answer is quite encouraging!

[DoulaMegz]

My favorite thing to tell potential clients when they ask if I have had my own children is that "I have been preparing for this job (doula) for my entire life, it's my passion and drive"

[1stimestar]

Plus, you don't have to worry about childcare.

[DoulaKelli]

to Cara. I do not think being pregnant or have given birth before is what makes you a good doula. I had a doula with my second child and she was great!!! She has never given birth and she is absolutely, without a doubt, a WONDERFUL doula. One of the best in her town as a matter of fact. You will still have the training and your own research. Don't let not having your own birth story stop you from having confidence in yourself.

[Precious_Partum]

I have so far only had one family choose not to hire me based on the fact that I have no children. (Oddly enough, they had a male OB, so I didn't really "buy" their excuse, but that's neither here nor there.)

I've given so much thought to this very topic, and I have to wonder exactly what it is these mamas want from their doula. I mean, I know a great veterinarian who's never been a dog, so.... Do they want me to be able to say "I know exactly what you're feeling right now"? Because who can say that, really? No one on earth has been in her body or carried her baby, except her. It's a unique experience to each and every mama and babe, so really, no matter what kind of birth experience I may or may not have had in my own body, it can never compare to hers, nor should it.

My grandmother had 6 children, but never experienced childbirth. (She was a typical "mainstream" hospital-birth mama of the '40s and '50s.) Other mamas have had a wide variety of pain-free births, precipitous births, marathon labors, back labors, natural labors, medically-managed, pre-term, post-dates, breeches, multiples, complications, traumatic births, emergencies, cesareans, etc. You name it. We all know the endless possibilities! Can a mother planning a VBAC only receive quality support from a doula who's had a VBAC herself? (Or any other type of labor/birth... fill-in-the-blank.) Your own personal childbirth experience (or lack thereof) doesn't make you any more or less qualified to care for a mother in labor than any other doula. What matters most is your heart, your commitment to the work you do, and the care and compassionate service you provide. Not your past.

[MindfulBirth]

I don't think that a doula has to have been pregnant in order to do her job well anymore than a male OB/GYN has to have been.

[DoulaKelli]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Precious_Partum I have so far only had one family choose not to hire me based on the fact that I have no children. (Oddly enough, they had a male OB, so I didn't really "buy" their excuse, but that's neither here nor there.) I've given so much thought to this very topic, and I have to wonder exactly what it is these mamas want from their doula. I mean, I know a great veterinarian who's never been a dog, so.... Do they want me to be able to say "I know exactly what you're feeling right now"? Because who can say that, really? No one on earth has been in her body or carried her baby, except her. It's a unique experience to each and every mama and babe, so really, no matter what kind of birth experience I may or may not have had in my own body, it can never compare to hers, nor should it. My grandmother had 6 children, but never experienced childbirth. (She was a typical "mainstream" hospital-birth mama of the '40s and '50s.) Other mamas have had a wide variety of pain-free births, precipitous births, marathon labors, back labors, natural labors, medically-managed, pre-term, post-dates, breeches, multiples, complications, traumatic births, emergencies, cesareans, etc. You name it. We all know the endless possibilities! Can a mother planning a VBAC only receive quality support from a doula who's had a VBAC herself? (Or any other type of labor/birth... fill-in-the-blank.) Your own personal childbirth experience (or lack thereof) doesn't make you any more or less qualified to care for a mother in labor than any other doula. What matters most is your heart, your commitment to the work you do, and the care and compassionate service you provide. Not your past.

Very well said, Liz!

[Kacy]

to first and foremost.

Secondly, there are lots of threads about doulas who have never been pregnant if you'd like to do a search. In fact, I'm one of those doulas! I will tell you this: I'm not sure if people have ever decided not to hire me based on my lack of children, but I've been hired by more people than have passed me over. All of those people looked to me for advice, information, and comfort despite the fact that I'd never experienced what they were experiencing and there was, in some cases, a huge age gap between us. (Me being the younger one.) It's your presence and your passion that counts, in my opinion!

[mchbirth]

I agree with the other posters. My OB/GYN does not have children, but her heart is in her work, and she gives the best care she can. I think there may also be a benefit to your not having given birth---you don't have any preconceived notions or past experiences to base your opinions on, you can only go with what is happening in the moment, and it might make you a more present and open-minded doula. Each woman brings her own past experiences and feelings about birth to the table regardless, and if you're passionate enough about childbirth to be starting this career, you're passionate enough to give each mother the care and love she needs. I know I had the same feelings about birth before I actually experienced it, so I'd probably be in the same boat. You're following your heart, and that's so awesome! How exciting!

[Stassja]

I agree that you may even have a leg up, as far as past births not coloring your feelings and information on certain subjects. Let your passion and knowledge shine!

(For example, I'm sure I'll have a bit of work not painting hospital birthing in a somewhat negative light, as you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to a hospital for my next birth. But I also know staying at home is not for everyone, and that you can still have a great birth in hospital!)

[lovemama]

Some might be put off, others won't mind. There many reasons people won't choose certain doulas. I personally think that you'll be less biased towards certain decision and maybe less emotionally connected, which can be very helpful in difficult deliveries. I think you'll do fine!

[Intuitivedoula]

You have to start somewhere....I love working with women who have a genuine interest in helping other women.....

Carla