Too Young to be a Doula?

DoulaforChrist · 11-18-2006, 10:50 AM

I am passionate about what I want to do. I feel like ministry as doula is something I've been called to do. I don't see any reason to wait around. I haven't yet begun my formal training, but I already have more then the basics down. I have read everything on labor, pregnancy, labor support, doulas, breast feeding, ect that I could get my hands on since I was 14. I am so excited. I can't wait to start my training. Yet, I find myself wondering, particularly when people say that a woman who has never had children doesn't know "what it's really like", so she can't be a good doula.

Is 17 (almost 18) too young to be a doula? I'm not married, I've never had a baby. Can't I still effectivly support another woman? Or is it something you have to "go through" to understand?

Acacia · 11-18-2006, 11:19 AM

Let me just say that I think there is definate value in experiencing birth for yourself. I also truly believe that if you are called to be a doula then you should go for it! That being said, your age may have some issues within the line of doula work. Would the hospital allow a minor to work in the hospital? Could you be at a long birth? Are you still in school? If you are living at home how do your parents feel about it? I don't think that inexperience with actual birth, or sex should discount a true desire to help women. I think you could be excellent at it! My honest suggestion would be to start out helping pregnant women in other ways such as a Crisis pregnancy center. Maybe do some postpartum doula work...especially if you are still in school and being on call would be a problem. After school and that magical birthday I would just go for it! If it is something that you are passionate about it you will be sucessful.

capandcradle · 11-18-2006, 11:40 AM

Elizabeth, I'd like to consider history. CAUTION -- religious content so if anyone is offended, don't read on.

Think in the Bible of how Mary and Elisabeth helped one another, when neither of them had experienced birth before. In Exodus 1, God blessed the midwives with families of their own, and at least to me, that insinuates that they may not of had children beforehand.

While I believe there is value in having experienced birth one's self, I do not believe that is an absolute prerequisite. For example, my mother in law is a kind, compassionate, empathetic person. Since my sister-in-law's natural birth 3 years ago -- that she helped at -- she's felt the calling to become a doula. She's 58 and had 2 births, neither of which she was awake for.

Certainly kindness, empathy and a listening and caring heart, and IMO a thick skin, are better markers of doula aptitude than the number or kind of births one has experienced. But that's just me.

DoulaforChrist · 11-18-2006, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acacia

Would the hospital allow a minor to work in the hospital? Could you be at a long birth? Are you still in school? If you are living at home how do your parents feel about it?

I'm finishing my Sr. year of high school and plan to start formal training after I graduate. I'll turn 18 in March, so I'll be past all the "minor" issues. Most of the negative comments that I get from folks are when they ask what I'm doing after high school and I tell them that I'm getting training and certification as a doula.

I can be at a long birth, no problem. My parents are wonderfully supportive, my mom has done doula work (no certification, but loads of experience) in the past, so she has a good idea of what I want to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acacia

My honest suggestion would be to start out helping pregnant women in other ways such as a Crisis pregnancy center. Maybe do some postpartum doula work

I have and will continue to do so, until I start working as a labor doula.

I've helped pregnant women in various ways since I was 13, it's always been my passion.

Thanks so much for your encouragement, Acacia.

capandcradle (so sorry, I don't know your name), the Biblical parallels were wonderful. Thanks so much! Very encouraging.

truelife · 11-18-2006, 12:03 PM

Hi Elizabeth - Welcome! I agree with everything that capandcradle wrote. Those verses are the exact verses that I feel God used to confirm my calling to me - at 18-years-old.

When I was 18 I began to really study women's wellness during the childbearing years and knew that I was doing exactly what I was created to do. I started working as an apprentice midwife after I was married but before I had children. My experience was pretty mixed. Some women didn't want me at their birth b/c they felt like I could relate -which I definitely understand- and others felt pressured by me being there. One woman told me, almost immediately after her birth, that she was glad I was there b/c it made her stay calm and show me "how a real homebirthing woman does it!" Yikes! Most women were not phased in the lease bit by my not having any children. It was an incredible experience and one that I'm very grateful that I had before having children of my own. One of my best friends was at my birth and she is not married and doesn't have children and she was AMAZING!

I really wish you the best and I do think that you would be able to be a doula without any children of your own and at a young age.

DL · 11-18-2006, 12:25 PM

Thanks for the Biblical examples, Anne!

One of my good CNM friends (a wonderful Midwife, loved by her clients) had her first baby last March. This was after supporting women through labor and catching babies for six years beforehand!

One thing I have learned....If you are truly called to do something, that calling will not leave you. There will be times of waiting, times of challenge, and times to press forward. One can leave one's calling, but one cannot escape one's calling. Does that make sense?

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:6, NIV I just love that verse; it's so reassuring, isn't it?

AussieDoula · 11-18-2006, 01:33 PM

There will always be women who will see the merit in a spirited, energetic young woman supporting them through labour. Someone who has not been weighed down or biased by their own birth experience and who is eager to direct their love and compassion to another woman.

One could argue that a woman who is free of the responsibility to her own children has a little more to give, is a little more dedicated without subconsciously bringing her own birthing beliefs to another woman's environment (although this is certainly not true of everyone).

In ancient times, it did not matter if you had given birth yourself to be seen as someone who could provide worth and comfort to the labouring circle. This is how young girls learned, and was an important part of the strength of sisterhood. Maiden, mother, and crone all sending their loving vibes and positive energy to the woman who most needed it.

There will be women who prefer being supported by someone who hasn't given birth and who doesn't have an experience mama may feel she needs to live up to or meet. Knowing she doesn't have to "compete" with her Doula - especially one whose birth experiences and wishes are not parallel to her own - will be very freeing for some women.

I believe everyone has the capacity to provide the perfect support for certain mamas - the key lies in being able to find them. Don't be discouraged by those who may turn you down; they have every right to seek out someone who will provide the best support for them and they are entitiled to the factors that go into that choice (just as you are).

It is a sacred space that mama is birthing into, she will have predetermined expectations of who she wishes to invite into that circle and we can only respect that.

I agree that a calling is indicative of something that was meant to be, and I believe your passion and inspiration will carry you through if you embrace it - regardless of your age.

Through your eagerness though, please remember that you deserve to feel supported also. You don't have to completely give yourself over to the women you are helping... Being burnt out won't benefit anyone, so it's important to learn how to protect your Self in this type of work.

I wish you the best of luck and sure footing on your journey.

RosyDoula · 11-18-2006, 04:39 PM

I've mentored a 19-year-old, she's great, and tires slower than I do.

asafepassage · 11-18-2006, 04:47 PM

Go for it! I started when I was nineteen, attended my first birth at 20 and was able to do 30 volunteer births in one summer because I didn't have to worry about childcare or finances...I was living at home during a summer break from University and what an experience! I must say it was WAY easier when I was younger and childless...I know that the experience of becoming a mother..three times over, certainly brought a richness to the work...but I really do believe you are born to do this work, no training in the world can make you a compassionate, woman-centered person. Your youth and freshness is an asset, be humble, ask lots of questions, support women who need the care but can't affort it and get as much experience as you can before the obstacles of life start to compile

All the best,

capandcradle · 11-19-2006, 10:31 AM

Elizabeth, I think it is wonderful that you know your calling this early in your life. There is a midwife in MS who is in her early 20's who trained through Bill Gothard's organization who still lives at home and is unmarried & has no children.

I believe that your caring, ability to listen, and empathy will carry you far. FYI -- you may want to surf Jodi's sites and read penny simkin's WHEN SURVIVORS GIVE BIRTH. Be prepared to help through a lot of joy, but help women through a lot of pain, too.

Please keep us informed as to how your doula training goes! If I may suggest, if there's a Trust Birth, LLL or Birthnetwork in your community you might try to connect with them.

-Anne in Alabama, USA

SereneDoula · 11-19-2006, 06:04 PM

God Speed! Your local pregnancy resource centers may have programs for teens supporting teens. God may want to use your youth as the very means to reach someone.

ecc. 4:12

gemasita · 11-19-2006, 07:28 PM

I am married but I haven't had any children yet. It hasn't been an issue for me nor for my clients so far.

I've been interested in birth since I was 8 and saw my brother being born. I kinda wish I had realized my passion when I was younger but at the same time, I'm glad for the path that got me here.

I agree with the previous poster that acknowledged that in many cultures, the younger women surround the woman giving birth, whether or not they have given birth themselves. That gives me comfort. Supporting women is very instinctive to me.

sunlit_mists · 11-19-2006, 07:37 PM

I was an untrained doula and sole supporter of a neighbour's birth when I was 13, and she felt that I was the best person for her, because I accepted her wishes completely, and didn't have my own bias.

I think you may find you can really reach other teens ( I was a teen mom, and I wish I had a teen supporter)as well as supporting older women... remember that historically, all the women in the community would come together to help a labouring mother, her mother, grandmother, and SISTERS, and that included younger sisters.

I attended my DONA training last month, and there were 3 women in my class that were 18. 2 were apprenticing midwives, and 1 was a young woman who herself had only given birth 5 weeks earlier, and had decided that there was a need for younger support for women in her community.

Good Luck, and Blessings from all of us here. Let us know how it goes.

Alli

MindfulBirth · 11-21-2006, 11:23 AM

I'm sure that a lot of other people in your graduating class know what they want to do with their lives when they get out of school. They porbably are going to go to college to study to be whatever that is. I don't see how it is any different that you know you want to be a doula and want to study that. Women don't blink twice about seeing a male OB and will trust his judgement..yet that guy has never pushed out a baby.

You also will have the advantage of not having to arrange childcare or have a husband complain that you are gone too long, so you will be able to focus all your attention on your clients.

Best wishes with your training. I'm sure you will be a wondeful doula.

DouLaura · 11-21-2006, 11:57 AM

I don't think that having a baby should be a prerequesite for being a doula. Yes, I have had 2 children. Have any of the labors I have attended as a doula been like my births? Nope! So is my personal birth experience a factor in how I assisted these women?
The first labor I ever attended was before I had children of my own. This particular woman's mother and mother-in-law were there also and I can state in no uncertain terms I was a way better support for that woman than either of them were and they each had given birth twice!
I know some incredible doulas who have never given birth.
Your age? I think that maturity level plays a bigger factor than true age. I know some 18 year old who are way more mature than 45 year olds! You sound very mature and experienced. When intereviewing with potential clients I think they will see that and the ones that may not, then it won't be a right fit anyway.
Laura