Breastfeeding advice for new mother...

[massodoula]

OK...so this was my first real client...and let me tell you...i have now seen the best (from last birth with friend & doula Liz) and the worst with my client last week. As some of you may recall, I was asking your opinion last thurs night as i got "the call" that mom's water broke and wants to go to hospital as it is her first and is nervous...so we did. Well turns out the baby was not fully engaged so mom was bedridden...for the whole time to tell you the truth. Ctx after ctx after ctx...she was getting no where and was exhausted and discouraged and therefor opted for oxytocin to speed it up...which then of course turned into demerol...then epi...and you guessed it...grand finale...cesarian...26hrs later.

Anyway...mom will be taking her baby (Mia) home tomorrow. After talking with her yesterday, she is saying that she is going to change her "routine" of solely BF to BF AND giving bottles/formula because "she is not sleeping at night" and "never seems full"!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldnt believe what I heard. This is actually a friend of mine as well...but OMG...what does she think...the baby IS only ONE week old. I dont think she thought much through with having this baby...i mean what do you expect of this little girl after a week of being in the hospital with an IV in her hand and being in an incubater(??) for most of the time except when getting fed by mom.

I dont know what to tell her...I dont want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like she is a bad mom if she chooses to go through with this...but to me she hasnt even given it a try yet.

What are your suggestions please and thank you.
Krista.

[teachinmamaof4]

Oh goodness!

Why was she bedridden becasuse baby wasn't fully engaged?

All I can suggest is gently ask some questions about how often she's nursing, etc. And offer her information to help educate her (i.e. kellymom, etc). Then just leave it at that.

[ctowndoula]

Being a doula means supporting others in their decisions. You can ask if she would like more information on the subject but not much else.

p.s. be careful about giving out personal info on clients like baby names.

[fearlessbirth]

It is tough when you are friends with the person. It can be very frustrating. If it were me, I would just offer her information in a non-confrontational manner. Also, the first 3 weeks of motherhood (esp if you are BF) are the HARDEST! Just remind her to take it one day at a time and let her know there IS support out there for BF moms! A lot of women feel alone or like they are failures. What's happening with her and her baby is NORMAL! They are just getting adjusted and mom needs to know this weird period is ok and there's nothing she's doing wrong. Good luck!

[MothertheMother]

I think I would offer some information in a kind of back door way. For instance, instead of coming across as "this is why you shouldn't give formula" come across as "these are some things to expect/notice if you start formula" I would say something along the lines of "just so you don't freak out if this starts happening it is pretty common for formula feed babies to be more gassy and fussy because of it. Also, it is more common for them to get constipated etc....I just want you to be prepared to deal with these things if they come up..." I am sure you can think of a whole list of things that might "come up" to tell her about. I feel this approach would keep her from going on the defensive and be a little more eye opening.

[tlcdoula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachinmamaof4 Oh goodness! Why was she bedridden becasuse baby wasn't fully engaged? .

If baby not engaged they were afraid of cord prolapse. At least that is my guess

[massodoula]

Oops ...never thought about the name thing...you're right. Thanks for the tip. And I will do my best with her. The dr's & nurses wouldnt let her up because they said the baby was still too high and afraid of prolapsed cord!! I was able to convince the nurse only twice within those 26hrs to let her at least get up to go sit on the toilet...I was telling mom just to tell the nurse you had to do a #2.

[moncton doula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachinmamaof4 Oh goodness! Why was she bedridden becasuse baby wasn't fully engaged?

This a practise that they have at this hospital and I haven't quite figured out how to get around it. "It's sooooo dangerous to be upright when "baby is not engaged!"(of course this assesment is is reached when mom is laying down.) Cord may prolapse ya know!"(This is my attempt at sarcasm)_
And they are completely serious! As soon as baby is engaged they are encouraged to be up and around!


They must have had a scenario where this was an emergency at some point and are now overly cautious.

At our other city hospital it is not an issue.

[MsDoula]

I might explain the normal growth spurt cycles of newborns. How they naturally suck a lot in the first few weeks to grow. And they wake through the night as a survival mechanism, regulating temp, hunger, etc. We can't expect babies to sleep through the night for quite some time. Don't be shy about imparting knowledge like this to new moms. We don't live in a village society anymore and if wise women don't pass on what they know how will anyone learn anything besides what's taught in "What to Expect" (blech) or BabyWise (double blech)?

Oh and congratulations on your first birth!

[massodoula]

You got it Michelle . I was reading some of Jack Newman's breastfeeding book last night...maybe I will try some of your "back door" approach as well as lend her this book to look through...it just may be the knowledge and encouragement she needs.

[teachinmamaof4]

Duh....I knew that. Just making sure all you seasoned doulas did.

*shaking my head*