What to ask (say) when mom wants to supplement?

Matrescence · 10-02-2006, 11:53 AM

I called my pp client to confirm our visit for this evening and she mentioned asking her doctor about formulas to use so that her mother could feed the baby, she went on to talk about wanting to use formula in the evenings when he's cluster feeding and weaning him on to formula...

A little history, she's breastfeeding great, he's gaining great. The only problems I've heard about (this is my first trip in the evening so I haven't seen any problems) is that he is cluster feeding from around 4pm to late at night, she says that he just wants to rock or nurse and if you stop he's really fussy. I scheduled to go work with them this evening so I could see what's going on and hopefully help them through this. It 'sounds' to me like he's just going through that normal fussy spurt.

What do you say to a mom when she mentions supplementing? How do you go about asking questions to help her think more about it and become more informed?

I'm hoping to try some comfort techniques with them tonight, maybe seeing if a walk helps, or a bath. If all else fails, my plan was to help her schedule that time out each day to nap with him in the bed and just nurse 'bonding time', hoping that if it was something she scheduled she wouldn't look at it as a negative.

Thoughts, suggestions?

jowchar · 10-02-2006, 02:27 PM

I would definitely try to educate mom on the risks of formula. Everyone knows that breastfeeding is best, but most people aren't aware how many risks are associated with AIM. There are many websites you can print information from or send her links to that might help her change her mind. Not to mention the fact that exclusive (no AIM) breastfeeding is recommended by the AAP and CPS for all babies up until 6 months minumum.
If she is intent on having her mom feed the baby, perhaps you can give her some inforamation about breastpumps and storing breastmilk. This if far safer and more cost efficient than formula.
Here are some sites to get you started:

http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/pd...a%20feeding%22

http://www.breastfeedingtaskforla.org/ABMRisks.htm

http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/mi...t-formula.html

http://www.naba-breastfeeding.org/im...ntaminants.pdf

http://breastfeed.com/resources/articles/virgingut.htm

http://www.todaysparent.com/baby/bre...807_101250_216

http://www.infactcanada.ca/foodgrup.htm

http://www.iboly.hu/article_eng_risks.htm

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading...w_formula.html

chocolatedoula · 10-02-2006, 03:23 PM

The first thing I often ask clients when they say something that makes me go "Ahhh" inside is: "Tell me more. What's going on that you might want to do that." See if there's a root to the problem. It sounds like she doesn't like the evening because of the cluster feeding. She may be feeling exhausted and looking to the approaching evenings as just being a long night of work with no break. Perhaps she's trying to do too much during the day and needs to slow down. If he's fussy and doesn't want to be put down...

"he is cluster feeding from around 4pm to late at night, she says that he just wants to rock or nurse and if you stop he's really fussy. "

suggest the swing. It worked wonders for my kids. I agree with the pumping suggestion, and perhaps add some words of wisdom about nipple confusion and suggest cup feeding or using a syringe so the baby doesn't get hooked to the speed with which artificial nipples let out formula. Good luck.

anewbeginning · 10-02-2006, 03:38 PM

Also when you are educating the mom about formula try to help her realize that solving one problem often creates another. For instance her baby might not cluster feed anymore, but could easily be more fussy while on formula. He could have more diaper rash while on formula. Is more prone to illness etc.

Try to help this tired mom realize that this is just a part of baby care and will soon pass.

Stacie · 10-02-2006, 05:00 PM

HamiltonBirthRevolution · 10-02-2006, 06:40 PM

The basic thing is: what does she really want to do? Does she want to find a solution that means continuing nursing or does she want to go all formula. While I understand that you can do both, her shifting to formula will mean the end of her nursing relationship, slowly but surely.

If she wants to switch to formula, for whatever reason, nothing you can do or say will change her mind.

I hope that she just doesn't realise that there are many non formula strategies for cluster feeding.

I heartily support the sling/wrap solution suggested by Stacie. If baby wants to be with her, get him with her, but in a way that isn't as confining or painful as non-stop nursing in the evening.

Good luck.

beautifulbirth · 10-02-2006, 10:42 PM

nak.......i can't agree more w/everyone else.....yes many moms feel the same way she does. It is tiring for new moms who want help and have pp to help them, especially pp who want to hold and feed the new baby. Maybe she can ask those helpful pp NOT to feed the baby, but rather help w/ laundry, food, cleaning, etc. so that mom can establish her milk supply, since that is sooooo important in the beginning (i am not sure how old baby is). then mom may not feel so overwhelmed. as i n any new relationship or job, like bfing, it make take atleast 1 mo. to get all the kinks worked out, so encourage mom to give it time and examine her options in a few weeks when the hormones simmer down and she gets used to sleep deprivation. until then, enjoy holding that baby...they grow soooo fast

Breast wishes!

Matrescence · 10-05-2006, 08:10 PM

I gave her this handout http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html. When I got there and was able to sit and talk to her more it was pretty clear she wanted to stop breastfeeding. I'm not sure if she never wanted to in the beginning or what but I did ask her point blank if she wanted to wean and completely formula feed and she said yes. She was giving him a bottle when I got there too. We talked more about the cluster feedings and fussiness in the evenings and I just don't think that's it. She was pumping (has gone through 2 pumps to find the right one) and letting her mom and husband (yes there's a dad, he just works a lot) feed him so she could get a break but she's not liking pumping at all and her mom talked her into supplementing like her sister did and of course with her husband gone long hours in the evening when she's already frustrated she found it easier to supplement then too. After spending a few hours with her I found a small ray of hope when she asked about a flu shot, I told her I wasn't sure at what age they started giving it but with it being flu & cold season that breastfeeding is the best way to combat that... then she was talking about night time feedings and making formula and I found another little ray of hope and mentioned that she could nurse at night and how much easier it would be... anyway just before I left I overheard her talking with her sister about nursing at night and giving it some 'more time' which made me feel a little better. I left that article with her and planted some seeds so I'm hoping she'll keep nursing some during the day too. For what it's worth I didn't see him being as fussy as I've seen some babies, I remember when mine went through the 'witching hour' this was nothing like that, he fought off the bottle (and breast before that from what I'm told) and fussed for about an hour but not really that ear piercing fussing just general 'I'm not happy mommy' fussing and once we took him for a walk he calmed right down. She does use the swing and a sling and has tried bathing, massage, and rocking.

Matrescence · 10-05-2006, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifulbirth

Breast wishes!

cute