So Frustrated I could cry

Cecily · 10-06-2007, 11:43 AM

I have a Saturday morning ritual, I wake up before everyone in the house, sneak into the office and watch birth after birth on youtube. This morning really hit home for me though how frustrating #2 is going to be. I was induced and forced into a C-section (that story for another day). I have recently announced that I "don't want any more babies, I just want to help other women have babies!" Well it surprised me a bit to hear myself say it out loud. I had been pondering it for awhile but didn't really think it was how I felt, so I got down to some serious soul searching. Why do I feel this way? Well it hit me in the face like a Mack truck this morning. I DO NOT want to have another medically managed birth. I don't want ANYONE telling me how or when to have my baby. So why not an hbac you ask? Well by Arizona state law, no midwife can attend the birth of a woman who has EVER had a C-section. So I will have to be in a hospital (Even our last birthing center closed 3 months ago). So is this what it has come down to? Do I get NO say in it at all? It's so not right! I did what they told me to do, I was a very good "patient" and look where that got me. It got me a "healthy baby" and virtually no options. Where are MY rights. When does MY voice get heard???? ......I'm so sad.......

Neshama · 10-06-2007, 12:38 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sure its very frustrating!

Is there any way you can find a midwife who is willing to do it illegaly? (I know, I know... I shouldnt say such things on a forum, BUT that might be an option) My best friend lives in AZ, and I will ask her about it. Where in AZ are you? Anywhere near Tuscon?

Perhaps you could go to another state for a "home"birth? to a family member's house perhaps?

OR, get a doula, and be willing to fight, fight fight for your rights. You dont HAVE to do everything they say just because you are in a hospital, although it is very difficult to convince them that they dont have the right to do those things to you, its your decision (should be anyway)

Again,

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I know that feeling of no way out of a hellish situation, and feeling helpless. Its terrible.

I'll

for you!

Cecily · 10-06-2007, 03:59 PM

Thank you so much!!! It's nice to know that I can vent and I get productive answers LOL. I would be willing to have an "illegal" midwife but I would be devastated if something happened and she lost her license kwim? It would be like a giant leap backwards in what we are trying to do here. BLEH!! I'm about 3 hours north of tucson and then only place with realtives would be NM and I'm not sure what their laws are. Or that DH would be on board for a delivery in another state.

Maybe we should get a group of midwives and doulas and laboring moms to do their thing on the steps of the courthouse .

JK!! Anyway thank you for your thoughts and prayers!!

DoulaCBE · 10-06-2007, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cecily

So why not an hbac you ask? Well by Arizona state law, no midwife can attend the birth of a woman who has EVER had a C-section. So I will have to be in a hospital (Even our last birthing center closed 3 months ago). So is this what it has come down to? Do I get NO say in it at all? It's so not right! I did what they told me to do, I was a very good "patient" and look where that got me. It got me a "healthy baby" and virtually no options. Where are MY rights. When does MY voice get heard???? ......I'm so sad.......

Cecily,
In AZ Licensed Midwives can't attend VBAC homebirths legally. But, CNM's can. There is one in Tucson who attends VBAC moms. And also, by law Licensed Midwives are also prohibited from attending women who have had any form of uterine surgery, not just a previous cesarean.

I hear your frustration. I really want to acknowledge that. After having 2 medically managed births of my own (and really just by blind luck managing to avoid cesarean with the first) I have to say that having a great birth that isn't medically managed, but that where you are in control and making informed decisions is also a reality that one can achieve, but it takes work, hard work.

No birthing system is ever going to be perfect, and the one we have in the US is likely beyond all repair, but you can still have a good, safe and satisfying birth if you desire. Don't let the "system" determine if your childbearing years are over. Spend some time in quiet reflection on this and see if even though there will be what seems like at times, insurmountable challenges, you have it within yourself to be a truly informed consumer and can make the choices that are right for you and have a great birth, inspite of circumstances that may be far beyond your control.

Cecily · 10-06-2007, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaCBE

Cecily,
In AZ Licensed Midwives can't attend VBAC homebirths legally. But, CNM's can. There is one in Tucson who attends VBAC moms. And also, by law Licensed Midwives are also prohibited from attending women who have had any form of uterine surgery, not just a previous cesarean.
No birthing system is ever going to be perfect, and the one we have in the US is likely beyond all repair, but you can still have a good, safe and satisfying birth if you desire. Don't let the "system" determine if your childbearing years are over. Spend some time in quiet reflection on this and see if even though there will be what seems like at times, insurmountable challenges, you have it within yourself to be a truly informed consumer and can make the choices that are right for you and have a great birth, inspite of circumstances that may be far beyond your control.

THANK YOU!!!

sleepingbaby · 10-10-2007, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cecily

Maybe we should get a group of midwives and doulas and laboring moms to do their thing on the steps of the courthouse .

You are kind of right here.... there are many states which are facing issues with midwifery. The change won't happen with the doctors, it needs to be the parents, the doulas and in part the midwives.
So when are we coming to AZ?
I wish you luck with which ever decision you decide, more children or not.

Cecily · 10-11-2007, 01:27 AM

Ironically 2 days after I posted this DH announced that he was ready for another child. Let me tell you the flood gates opened and my fears poured out!!! He was amazing, and it was a testament to why I married him. He has agreed that we MUST do everything in our power to keep things in my court, as long as I and the baby are ok. I think he might have me sign something, just to have it in writting.

I am very much encouraged to know that I could have a CNM attend and will start interviewing before I get pregnant again. But also I am empowered to find an OB shoud the occasion arise that I might need one. I WILL have my voice heard and I WILL birth my way. What are they going to do kick me out?????? I seem to be trying to wrap my head around a lot this week. But I do know that I want my story to be heard, and I want it to help prevent the same happening to other women. Isn't this why we all become doulas at some point or another? To help women do what they were born to do?? I am grateful for modern sience in it's place. But it doesn't have a place in my uterus or my vagina!! SO OB'S HANDS OUT AND MOUTHS SHUT!!! VBAC HERE I COME!!!!