How do you deal with differences in faith/cultures?

[DoulaWendy]

I spoke with a friend about this topic this morning on the phone and thought it would be an interesting topic for the forums here.

How do you deal with differences in cultural/religious beliefs when you are working alongside other doulas or with your clients?

Do you ever talk about your own personal faith in an interview to make sure that you are the right doula for that person?

If a client is having clergy perform rituals or ceremonies during labor that do not line up with your faith do how do you handle it in a tactful manner so that you aren't going against your own beliefs yet supporting theirs?

What about giving advice to a new mom whose beliefs differ from yours? For instance, having strong personal beliefs against circumcision yet being asked by your client to attend a Bris or even having mom ask you the baby will feel pain during the Bris. How can you honestly answer from your heart without offending mom's religious beliefs?

Lastly, how do you handle a situation where another doula who you work with shares your passion for birth but is on a very different spiritual wavelength? Is it possible to grow that relationship and work together without opening up to each other about the differences and learning to embrace them?

What are some things you have experienced? How did you handle it? Is there any advice you can offer to help other doulas as we are on our path?

Thank you ladies!

[DoulaKaren]

Another reason I'm glad to be Unitarian As such there is not too much that could be done during a birth that would compromise my beliefs. I had a Christian client ask if it would bother me if she and her husband read from the Bible (I think that because of my (husband's) last name, she assumed I was Muslim). I told her that if it helped her have the birth she wanted, she could recite the Gettysburg Address or the times tables for all it mattered to me! As long as no one tried to baptize me... the first one didn't take anyway

In the case of a circumcision, I would give her the same advice a client who was having a non-religious circ done. If I was invited to a bris, I would probably go because I'd go to a Christening even though it's not my bag.

[Precious_Partum]

While I don't actively participate in church or organized religious activities, I grew up very deeply immersed in a devout culture of ceremony, ritual and prayer. I have great respect for spirituality, faith and religion, I have my own firmly-held beliefs and values, and I believe the way any person chooses to worship (or not) to be a very personal aspect of their own life. I've never offered up my own spiritual philosophies or beliefs during interviews or prenatals, as it's not anyone else's business. It's also none of my business how my clients live that part of their life. If they volunteer that information, I'm perfectly fine with it. Occasionally, I will know that a client is very religious (easy to tell around here), and I can include some of what I do know and understand (and share) about their faith into our discussions (i.e. "God created our bodies to be capable of birth"), but I don't feel it's an appropriate time or place to preach, proselytize or testify. Many of my clients' families have included faith and prayer in their labors and celebrations of their babies. I support my families in all their decisions, religious or otherwise, and I will accompany them in any prayer service or ceremony that I'm invited to, whether it "matches" my personal spiritual comfort-level or not. In fact, just this Sunday, I was invited to a baby blessing at my client's church. It's part of their family tradition, and part of what makes them who they are. It's not about me. The fact that they wanted to include me at all in something so important to them is an honor. I see it as an indication that they accept and trust me. It doesn't harm me in any way to witness another person's expression of faith, if that is what they choose to do. I've yet to feel threatened or uncomfortable or challenged by differences in faith or culture, and I work very hard to make sure my clients know they will have my full support regardless of those differences, too.

[Birth Goddess]

Interesting topic...

Personally, I'm absolutely intrigued by cultural and religious beliefs, especially as they pertain to pregnancy/birth and parenting. I'm fascinated by the differences and similarities between cultures. I'm very open-minded, and short of sacrificing a goat in the labour room, whatever the mama wants to do is fine with me.

As a doula, it depends on the circumstances. Most people who hire me already know I'm pagan, and some specifically seek me out because of that. So, yes, I have talked about my beliefs at an interview, and at prenatal visits. I have been asked to write and perform a baby blessing right after birth. I have been part of rituals before, during and after births. For the most part, nowadays, I almost exclusively work with pagan/new age mamas.

I have worked with Christian clients who have prayed during birth. I didn't see any conflict with my own beliefs during the birth. The mama does what she needs to do and as a doula, I'm her servant - I support her in whatever will help her. If a Christian mama asked me to recite bible verses, I would be open to doing it (not that I know a whole lot from memory, mind you). But, I don't see this as a conflict of my own beliefs.

If in the initial interview, a very religious mama makes it very clear that she needs someone of the same faith supporting her, and if that wasn't me, then I'd put out feelers to help her find someone else.

Would I go to a Bris if asked? Absolutely. And I'm very anti-circ. I'd feel very badly for the baby, of course. But I would find the whole ceremony fascinating I think.

As for other doulas... why wouldn't it be possible to grow a relationship and work together if you're of different faiths? I have lots of friends who aren't pagan.

Advice... be open to learning about different philosophies. In general, we have more in common than not. For instance, two of the groups most likely to have a midwife and a homebirth are very religious Christians and Pagans. One because it's God's design. And one because it's the Goddess' design. Both are doing what they feel is the most natural thing for them and their baby. There is is really interesting book called: Blessed Events: Religion and Home Birth in America by Pamela E. Klassen, which I highly recommend.

I do have a question of my own regarding Christianity and hypnosis, specifically in regards to birthing. Why might there be a conflict with birth using hypnosis and Christian beliefs? If someone could share their opinion with me on this, I'd truly appreciate it.

Sorry - this wasn't intended to be a novel!

Jacquie.

[momofmany]

I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me. I am concerned with being open and honest about my faith to clients not because I am afraid I will be offended by their beliefs, because I won't. I am more concerned that my faith will make them uncomfortable. I am not going to hide my beliefs to make people happy. So....if someone wants me for their doula, I want to be open and up front. If they don't agree with my faith, then they don't want me for their doula.

Having said all of that, if someone knows my beliefs and still hires me, I am fine with whatever they throw at me. As long as they are not trying to cast spells on me (and if they do, it won't work), I still want to be helpful.

[nicole_imes]

This is a really good question, DoulaWendy. I can't say I have it completely figured out, but I do know I have run into this question a couple of times. I am non-denominational, but I have actually had a couple of Catholic clients recently, including one who chose to bless her birthing pool with holy water AND who I helped find a priest at 9pm for a Blessing of the Sick because both of her parish priests were unavailable to do it right before her unplanned C-sec. The funny thing is, my aunt is Catholic, very active in her faith community and was the person who was able to help me locate a priest! But none of the rituals or comfort measures that my Catholic clients used in their labors bothered me at all.

Actually,I think that I really wouldn't have a problem helping any client that was of any "Christian" denomination...unless I felt their actions endangered the life of mom & baby (i.e. Church of the First Born clients who might not go to a hospital when necessary). As for belief systems, I know I could not work with a client who is Wiccan (no offense to anyone on the form who is Wiccan) because I would be very uncomfortable in that situation and am not sure I could serve them at my best. But I would do my best to help them find a doula that would meet their needs. As for Jewish, Muslim or New Age clients...hmmm...at this point I would have to decide on a case by case basis, since I have never been contacted by potential clients of those faiths...

Hope this helps. I don't know how many doulas are in your area, but I would try to find out which doulas don't mind working with clients of certain faiths, so you could refer clients as necessary. Because I think if I was truly uncomfortable during a labor to the point that my client could sense it and pick up on that vibe, I am not sure that it would be in her best interest for me to attend her.

[nicole_imes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellyblessings If in the initial interview, a very religious mama makes it very clear that she needs someone of the same faith supporting her, and if that wasn't me, then I'd put out feelers to help her find someone else. Would I go to a Bris if asked? Absolutely. And I'm very anti-circ. I'd feel very badly for the baby, of course. But I would find the whole ceremony fascinating I think. As for other doulas... why wouldn't it be possible to grow a relationship and work together if you're of different faiths? I have lots of friends who aren't pagan.

You must have been posting as I was typing up mine, Jacquie. That is exactly what I was trying to say, about networking with doulas of other faiths.

[christianchildbirth]

Hi Wendy,

This is a good question, and one I cover in my training because it can be a sensitive area.

There is a full specturm of color regarding the possibilites of working together when looking at your particular answer. Primarily, you need to be 100% grounded in the fact that the only right answer to your question is found within you. Each of us is called to a different ministry, and how we handle who we choose to work with is totally our decision, and we have the freedom to operate within that decision without the fear of judgement.

What is of upmost importance is that the laboring woman is 100% supported by whomever her doulas is. Keep this in mind when weighing out all considerations. Each situation will be different, and not all doulas feel comfortable working with all women, for various reasons, religion being only one of them. If for some reason you do not feel comfortable or feel as if you can give your 110%, then you need to refer out, because she deserves someone who can give 110%. The example Penny Simpkin gives is whether or not someone would feel comfortable working with a Lesbian couple. That answer will be unique depending on who is being asked. The important thing is that the job is for a doula to support her, and so if one doula cannot give 110% for whatever reason, then she should help her find someone who can.

It is a little different when working with other doulas, because you need to be able to be a cohesive group. You are not called to work with each and every doula, and of course it is up to you if you choose to be completely open to anyone to be a partner, or if you choose to yoke up with someone of similar beliefs. Again, you shouldn't be made to feel bad about that choice, it is your personal decision and right to decide who you want to work with. However, we should never be hostile to any of our colleagues, and should always be ready to provide a list of names/numbers to clients for them to interview other potential doulas should they want to.

The good thing about this is that the doula profession has grown enough to even be having this discussion. When I first started doing this in 1992, I would have paid anybody and everybody to let me go to their birth. Probably still like that, lol, but nonetheless the opportunities are far more abundant now. :o)

HTH

[Birth Goddess]

Nicely written, Kelly. I loved the video of the mama singing Psalm 23 during transition on your website. What a lovely and spiritual birth!

[DoulaWendy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellyblessings As for other doulas... why wouldn't it be possible to grow a relationship and work together if you're of different faiths? I have lots of friends who aren't pagan. Jacquie.

For example, if another doula was supporting a teenage mom who wanted to induce an abortion through natural methods and the doula was consulting another doula who is against abortion. Or maybe it's as simple as listening to one speak about past lives or energy and not being on the same page as they are. Would you think it would be best to open up and say "Hey, I am cool with you being XYZ faith but I am ABC faith and I am not on the same page as you in that area." or should you let it go and just listen, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable? I know that if I am going on about my beliefs to someone else I would want to make sure they were comfortable listening to me or at least they didn't just humor me by listening and nodding their head. YKWIM?

[Birth Goddess]

I just wanted to make a quick post about pagan and Wiccan beliefs, as I know there is a lot of misunderstanding out there. There can be a lot of confusion over the terms, even among pagans. One thing I wanted to stress, is that in no way should the term pagan or wiccan ever be construed with or confused with devil worship. Pagans do not believe in Satan, let alone worship him. Satan is a Christian concept.

Pagan and Neo-Pagan are general terms for those who follow an nature-based, polytheistic (more than one deity) religion. According to ARIS (the American Religious Identification Survey), Neo-pagan is the seventh largest religious following in the US.

Wicca is a specific religious belief within paganism. Wiccans generally revere the God and the Goddess, follow the Wheel of the Year and celebrate the Sabbats (the eight points of the year - Samhaim, Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltaine, Litha, Lammas, and Mabon) and Esbats (moon cycle).

This is a very, very basic explanation. If anyone has any questions, specific or general, please do not hesitate to either PM me or post your question here!

[DoulaCBE]

I was raised Baptist.

I've worked with people of all faiths and sexual preferences. I know a Christian doula who is conflicted about working with homosexuals. She passes those clients on to me. I have no objections.

If a woman wants to chant, pray, etc I have no issue with that. I would however have a very real problem with anything blatantly satanic, but I've never encountered that so I doubt it's really an issue.

I don't discuss my religious beliefs unless someone is looking for a doula who understands the Christian faith, and then I let them know where I stand on that and that I can support them fully.

I have had Jewish clients who invited me to the Bris, I respectfully declined to attend, but I don't think badly of them.

[christianchildbirth]

Hi Wendy,

I have been thinking about your specific question of whether or not to tell the client your own beliefs if theirs are different. I would recommend that you examine the motive for wanting to tell her. Part of my hunch as to why we might want to do this is because their beliefs make us uncomfortable and we want to establish that we do not line up with that. Is that close to what you might be feeling or am I way off?

I think if you are uncomfortable, then you might want to refer out. If it is because you don't want to offend her or make her uncomfortable, you would have to assess if she thinks it would be an issue or not. A lot of times, you don't need to disclose your beliefs because it may be apparent by your jewlry, your car bumpersticker, or other language or words you use. It is my personal belief that we shouldn't need these things to distinguish ourselves, because it should be our actions that disclose that, but nonetheless, it establishes your beliefs right off the bat so there isn't any question.

I feel like I am missing the answer to your question, so sorry if I am not hitting the nail so-to-speak.
I wish our religion wasn't an issue, but reality is that it can be a very passionate, sometimes explosive subject. I appreciate your spirit in wanting to take care in approaching clients regarding this. Truly the doula spirit!

[dorothyh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaWendy How do you deal with differences in cultural/religious beliefs when you are working alongside other doulas or with your clients?

I think differences shouldn't make a difference at a birth. As long as the doula is comfortable with the expressions of faith the client may have at the birth, then I don't see a conflict. It may require some communication ahead of time if there are rituals, etc. that the doula isn't familiar with.

Quote:

Do you ever talk about your own personal faith in an interview to make sure that you are the right doula for that person?

Not unless they ask about my faith and what I believe. I don't hide my faith, but it's not the topic of conversation during an interview. Their faith really doesn't have any bearing on whether or not I am the right doula for them.

Quote:

If a client is having clergy perform rituals or ceremonies during labor that do not line up with your faith do how do you handle it in a tactful manner so that you aren't going against your own beliefs yet supporting theirs?

Just stand aside and be respectful. You don't have to participate, but you do need to be respectful. My faith in God is very real and very personal and deeply important to me. I have had many clients who believe very differently than I do, and their expressions of their faith doesn't do anything that causes me to compromise my faith. Unless they are asking me to deny my faith, I don't see how that could happen.

Quote:

What about giving advice to a new mom whose beliefs differ from yours? For instance, having strong personal beliefs against circumcision yet being asked by your client to attend a Bris or even having mom ask you the baby will feel pain during the Bris. How can you honestly answer from your heart without offending mom's religious beliefs?

First of all, I don't bring my personal beliefs about anything - circumcision, epidurals, cesarean section, certain OBS, etc into the mix. My clients really have no idea what I think. Well maybe they do LOL But when they ask me what do I think, I don't answer that question. Instead, I give them the pros and cons of both sides, so that they can make the decision that's right for them, whether or not it agrees with my opinion.

Quote:

Lastly, how do you handle a situation where another doula who you work with shares your passion for birth but is on a very different spiritual wavelength? Is it possible to grow that relationship and work together without opening up to each other about the differences and learning to embrace them?

It really depends on the doulas involved and how open they are to working with doulas who believe differently than they do.

Quote:

What are some things you have experienced? How did you handle it? Is there any advice you can offer to help other doulas as we are on our path?

Interesting questions!! I do answer questions about my faith if asked, but I generally don't bring it up in a client/doula relationship unless it comes up in the course of conversation. Although I don't mention my faith all that much, I have gotten some comments from former clients that indicated that they knew my faith was important, or that I was a religious person.

I have worked with an Orthodox Jewish couple, some moderate Jewish couples, a Hindu couple, and one Wiccan couple, which was quite the experience for me. I was not afraid to ask questions ahead of time, and as long as you are respectful, people are very willing to talk about what they believe, and what they plan on doing at their birth.

The Wiccan couple did set up an altar and had a goddess statue in the room. And they did chant. But I did not feel spiritually threatened at all. Because I was not praying/chanting or worshipping anything in the room, I don't feel that I compromised my beliefs at all. And hopefully by them getting to know me, they were able to see past their own stereotypes of what they thought an evangelical Christian is like.

[momofmany]

Quote:

First of all, I don't bring my personal beliefs about anything - circumcision, epidurals, cesarean section, certain OBS, etc into the mix. My clients really have no idea what I think. Well maybe they do LOL But when they ask me what do I think, I don't answer that question. Instead, I give them the pros and cons of both sides, so that they can make the decision that's right for them, whether or not it agrees with my opinion.

That is good until they ask "What did you do with your kids?" regarding vaccines and circs. Then I feel pretty much cornered. I almost cringe when I am asked that. When I say I didn't circ my last two sons, they know what I think. I aways follow it up with "That is what WE decided, YOU need to make your choice based on what is right for YOU."