Can you have a stable family life and do labor support?

aetrusty · 07-13-2007, 01:13 PM

I am curious if anyone has decided not to pursue being a labor doula or midwife because it didn't work for their family.

Can doulas doing labor support earn enough money to really support their family? And, can they do it and still have their children have stability? Or does it depend on the family's situation... i.e. extended family being close by.

Has anyone found that doing labor support just didn't fit with their family or their comfort level?

helpinghands · 07-13-2007, 01:43 PM

I have had to take breaks for a time when things became busy or "needy" at home. I don't do a huge volume of births but I get steady births not even advertising except through DONA and word of mouth (so to keep down my volume, I don't advertise otherwise, in other words). If a time is very busy for me/if I am not accepting Doula work at that time, I refer on to the hospital doula program. I will still consult over email/phone/in person during these times but I don't attend births/have on call time. At this time in my life, it comes in seasons. I would imagine after the New Year and baby #5 arrives, it will be a "busy season" for a time. That is okay.. it all works out and you just have to find that balance, one day at a time, LOL.

1stimestar · 07-13-2007, 02:08 PM

Many new doulas find that the work simply does disrupt their family lives too much. They either move on to something else, delay until young children are older, get a partner, or take fewer clients. It's such an individual type of thing.

By "earn enough money to really support their family?" do you mean, earn enough money to replace a 40 hour work week? Do you mean, depend on it to pay all your bills in a single income family? Do you mean, along with other birth related, income earning jobs in conjunction with birth doula work? Normally no, you can not support a family on doula work, especially if you have to pay babysitters. It is a good supplemental income if you have another (flexible) job or you have a partner who brings in the main income. If you combine it with CBE classes and postpartum work (among other options) then you possibly can earn a single salary. Keep in mind that it takes about 2 years to get your new doula established well enough to depend on it. Good luck!

UtahDoula · 07-13-2007, 06:09 PM

I've known lots of good doulas who quit because their hubands were not as supportive once reality hit. You discuss it, they say "Sure I can handle things on my own while you're at a birth" - but then once you've been at births a few times and it really sinks in how hard it is, they say "This isn't good - we can't have you gone like that."
Several times dear friends have quit over these issues. It breaks my heart, but I try not to blame the men, because I really DON'T know the whole story.
For me, personally, I've had to find a balance between the births and the family. I get enough inquiries that I easily COULD do 3-4 births a month, but my kids would not do well with that. As it is, if I am gone more than 24 hours, the youngest gets weepy and whiny, and my teenager pulls out the "You care more about them than us" routine.
But I am not working on any level that supports my family. For me, doula work is pretty much a self-supporting hobby.

doula Michele · 07-14-2007, 09:07 AM

Thats a hard question to answer, and you need to look at your individual situation, both finanically and personally. And then decide if this is the best line of work for you.

My husband makes a good income, and works from home, so I do not have to worry about that. Although he wishes I made more $$. He is supportive of whatever I do, even if I am gone for 30 hours at a time.
My daughter lives on her own, and is persuing this work as well...so I guess it was not a horrible experience for here as a teenager, with a mom who does this.
My son is 17, and most of the time doesn't even know I am gone. He feeds himself, is learning to wash his own clothes if he needs, and is self sufficient.
I know that I have an ideal situation.... at least for me. But there is no way I could have done this when we had a young family, and money was tighter, and my husband worked in an office. i would have hated the idea of rounding up a babysitter at a moments notice... and I did not count on family. There was no reason they should rearrange their day to care for my kids on short notice. But thats just me.

aetrusty · 07-14-2007, 10:52 AM

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I am feeling a lot better about my decision. I'm really excited to pursue becoming a registered dietician, which I may use to help with women's health... haven't gotten far enough along to know what I will do with it. I'm also certifying to teach childbirth education. I'll take postpartum clients when I can and I'm letting go of becoming a midwife. which for the first time in ages, doesn't make me sad. It's actually a relief

I may do labor support when my kids are much older, but the thought of trying to get babysitters together, trying to do this when my DH is gone all the time just makes me panic and not feel so good.

It is so nice to feel at peace and to have found something I may really enjoy and have it fit in with helping other women.

scarborogal · 07-14-2007, 10:52 AM

This is a very good question. I have a 7yr old, a 5yr old and a 3yr old. I only do about 2 births a months and some months none. Not by choice that's for sure. I've decided to look into teaching Childbirth Education classes so I could make some more money and still be able to do a couple of births to get my fix.

My family are very supportive and my children are not so attached to me that I can't be gone for a day and it impact negatively on them. I would like them to miss me but sometimes I'm pretty sure then didn't even know I was gone.

It is a hard question to answer but I think you have to look at your own family and you own support system you have in place and whether you want your doula work to be an income on its own or a supplementary income to what you are already bringing in.

My suggestion would be to lay all these questions out and talk to your familly and get buy in and be completely honest with what is involved in being a Doula.

1stimestar · 07-15-2007, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aetrusty

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I am feeling a lot better about my decision. I'm really excited to pursue becoming a registered dietician, which I may use to help with women's health... haven't gotten far enough along to know what I will do with it. I'm also certifying to teach childbirth education. I'll take postpartum clients when I can and I'm letting go of becoming a midwife. which for the first time in ages, doesn't make me sad. It's actually a relief

I may do labor support when my kids are much older, but the thought of trying to get babysitters together, trying to do this when my DH is gone all the time just makes me panic and not feel so good.

It is so nice to feel at peace and to have found something I may really enjoy and have it fit in with helping other women.

I'm glad you are able to be at peace with your decision. As a Registered Dietitian you can work for WIC and make a HUGE impact on pregnant women and families. Of course, that is only one place to work, there are several. Good luck.

missilla · 07-15-2007, 11:52 AM

sweetie i think it depends on each and every situation. there are times when it is going to be really easy and others when it is really hard. i think you are making a great decision about the nutrition program. you are going to do a great job at it,

water · 07-16-2007, 02:19 PM

I do not do birth doula work for these very reasons. I have a 5 year old DS and my husbands works out of the home. We do not have family close by, so it is only the 3 of us. I don't have anyone to call at a moments notice and we all prefer it that way. I wouldn't want to be gone for days on end (or even hours, really...that's why I am a stay at home mom). I love pregnancy, birth and all that comes with it, but for now, it is not the right time for me. I am pursuing CBE, along with postpartum and antepartum doula work and am a breastfeeding counselor. I am also looking into doing some other classes as well, perinatal, cloth diapering, etc. I do everything except the birth itself.

Amanda

DouLaura · 07-16-2007, 11:49 PM

I started out wanting to be a doula but knew that wouldn't work for me and my family while my kids were really young, even though we have grandparents right here for babysitting. So I chose to become a CBE first. I added doula work when I felt my kids wre old enough to handle it and I still don't do a ton of births per month. (1-2 on average, there are the baby boom months with more and the famine months with none)
Being a CBE has actually turned out to be a great thing for my doula business as about 98% of my doula clients come from my CBE classes. Do I make a lot of money? No, but enough that I take care of most of my kids' needs-clothes, school curriculum and everything else school related (I home school) and all lesson fees (piano, dance etc)

heart2heartbirthmatters · 07-17-2007, 06:34 AM

How much is enough to take care of those things?? And how do you find your CBE clients? Thanks!

DL · 07-17-2007, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doula Michele

Thats a hard question to answer, and you need to look at your individual situation, both finanically and personally. And then decide if this is the best line of work for you.

My husband makes a good income, and works from home, so I do not have to worry about that. Although he wishes I made more $$. He is supportive of whatever I do, even if I am gone for 30 hours at a time.
My daughter lives on her own, and is persuing this work as well...so I guess it was not a horrible experience for here as a teenager, with a mom who does this.
My son is 17, and most of the time doesn't even know I am gone. He feeds himself, is learning to wash his own clothes if he needs, and is self sufficient.
I know that I have an ideal situation.... at least for me. But there is no way I could have done this when we had a young family, and money was tighter, and my husband worked in an office. i would have hated the idea of rounding up a babysitter at a moments notice... and I did not count on family. There was no reason they should rearrange their day to care for my kids on short notice. But thats just me.

I could've posted this exact same thing except for that my 18 year old ds is still at home but will soon be joining the U.S. Army. My 16 year old ds is very self sufficient, and my dh also works at home, as does Michele's. I also waited until my kids were older before getting into being a doula. I do not have family close by, and like Michele, I do not think it fair to inconvenience them on a regular basis even if they were closer. Dh and I are very independent as far as doing things on our own, so me being a doula would not have worked out when my kids were younger.

Also...no; I could never make enough doing this to support my family since we like to travel and I have to limit how many clients I can handle per month, as well as have probably more "black-out" dates than most other doulas. This is how I can enjoy the best of both worlds of doula-ing and family travel time, though.

sarahG · 08-07-2007, 05:46 PM

I'd like to jump in on this with my own follow up question, b/c I've been struggling w/ the idea of quitting lately. Would experienced doulas say that working with a partner, network or even some kind of agency set up makes it easier to pick and choose, or ease up the pressure of being on call? And when the stress hits, is it pretty normal to feel totally unmotivated? (do I sound desperate for validation?)

DoulaDani · 08-07-2007, 09:18 PM

Wow... I will say that many times over the years I've found doula work to be more stressful than I originally anticipated. But I will also say that I've found a reasonable compromise in my family that works well for us.

I started as a doula 8+ years ago, and it wasn't long before my husband was frustrated by the timing of my client's births.

The real wake up call for him was my client's 24 hour labor on his "weekend" (he's off Weds/Thurs) which meant he had to care for our two year old instead of the plans he/we already had. It didn't help that it was also our anniversary.

We've had a few other stressful moments over the years, and it has come to the point that I don't take most of the people who call me for interviews (I could easily do 6+ births per month in my area). I only take a handful of clients each year, mostly friends or CBE students. All of them accept me with the understanding that I will have certain days that I am unavailable. I do not make any apologies for the fact that they will have my backup should they go into labor while I'm at work or have a family commitment. I arrange babysitting for my kids in almost all circumstances, so my husband doesn't have the added stress of figuring out what to do with the kids when he leaves for work at 5 am, or has a meeting with a client that he can't cancel on. I charge more than I might otherwise (babysitters cost money), but it removes much of the stress he was feeling when he was the one expected to care for the kids at a moment's notice.

I also started teaching CBE 5 years ago at a local hospital. That has been good for my family, as it is steady work with regular hours. Most weeks I teach about 3-5 classes, but I take breaks on the weeks I want to have off for family or personal reasons (school starting, conferences, etc.). I'd say I'm unusual, as I'm one of the very few people I know who makes a good living at CBE/doula work, but it would never be enough to support my family on (pay the mortgage, car payments, etc.). But it is a very good second income for us. I've known a few people over the years who were doing this as their family's only income, but it required a lot of effort and diversity (taking birth and postpartum clients, and teaching CBE too), and I'm guessing more than a 40 hour work week.

The other thing that I have done to make me feel like a doula, despite not taking as many births as I once did, is agree to do backup for my doula friends when my schedule allows. Recently, a friend needed time covered while she was at a class, and she was quite thankful that I could drop what I was doing to labor sit with her clients (she had her sitter watch my kids too, so that wasn't a concern). Many doulas would appreciate knowing that there was someone who could commit to a certain day of the week when they could have a class, dentist appointment, school conference, jury duty, etc.

I feel like the day will come that I can go back to my very busy doula schedule. Women will always be having babies. But I do feel like I need to respect my dh's wishes to have a fairly normal life 90% of the time. In the meantime, I will feel fufilled teaching class, taking an occasional client, volunteering for my doula organization, being backup for doula friends, and (most of all) being a mom while my kids are young enough that they still want to hang out with me!

Many hugs to those of you who are struggling with how to pursue your dreams while still being accessible to your family!