Pregnant Doula Rant - What do you say?!

[Firefly]

I am so tired of hearing about how big I am! I am three months pregnant and expecting baby number three. I am not really that big at all but clearly, as my body has done this before, I am showing rather quickly. To me this is not rocket science! But why do so many people feel the need to make comments about it?

Am I sure that I am not having twins. YES! Is it any of their business that I had an u/s based on a concern that my doctor had (before I was in the care of my m/w) and so I saw with my own eyes that there is only one baby there.

I know that I am not the only one going through this, in fact a girlfriend/client called me just the other day to complain about the very same thing!

I guess my concern with giving a snappy or sarcastic answer (which I truly believe some of them deserve) is the fact that many of the people who make the comments know that I am a labour doula. (In fact today most of the comments came from members of my husbands extended family!) Accordingly, I am cautious as to how I approach anything regarding birth because I want to portray birth things positively. I usually just say, "it's a third baby, my body knows what to do." Or something along those lines but I struggle to say it nicely. I just think it is so RUDE to make comments about size!

So since I enjoyed some of the suggested replies in the "mama's of many" thread, I am very interested to hear what some of you ladies would say.

Thanks for letting me and my "giant belly" vent here.

[nicole.schwartz]

Oh...I'm sorry that you're getting the negative attention during such a beautiful experience. It is uncomfortable when people make thoughtless comments.

I also enjoyed the replies on Mama's of Many. I'm sarcastic in nature so they were exactly what I needed to read.

Congrats on your pregnancy (and finding a MW). You're 100% correct, your body does know what its doing!

[MamaMichelle]

Congratulations on baby #3!!! I'm also expecting my third baby and of course get the same comments. I think some people don't have anything better to do or say. Do you see me there <-------that's me at 30 weeks with #3! Do I look like I have twins in there? LOL Do I look ready to burst any moment? I've asked people when they are due (and know they aren't preggo), I've told a few that my baby belly will go away without dieting. I'm so mean but it gets old. I remember when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter and I went to vote. Her due date was November 5th and voting was the 2nd I believe. Some old lady asked if I had triplets! I was dumbfounded! I wish I would have had a witty comeback for her saggy old self. LOL My neighbor "jokingly" asked if I'm sure there's only one in there and I went off on him. I told him his "joke" is old and as a matter of fact am a bit on the small side and accordign to my midwife could stand to put on a few more pounds. So nanananananaaaaaaaaaa! He was stunned and his wife told him to leave me alone because I am petite and carry all in the front. Bleh!

[DoulaMorgan]

Oh, I hear you! I've just had my 2nd and the comments people make. For some reason, pregnant women seem to be fair game, like they don't have feelings or something. It's irritating and rude. GOod for you for answering the way you do.

[fearlessbirth]

I'm sure that can be irritating. I'm sure I'm one of those annoying people who sticks their foot in their mouth. LOL While I have no excuse, just that I'm a big mouth, I think the general public just feels like they have to say SOMETHING...and most people don't know anything about pregnancy or 'showing', etc. and think 3 months is a teensy little fetus and they see this belly. Or if you're 30 wks and 'huge' they may not realize just how big that belly will get. Not that I'm defending or saying it's ok or you shouldn't be annoyed by these comments...I just think they don't know a whole lot. Also, they may not realize you've heard the same thing a MILLION times and they aren't the first one to say it and they aren't the wittiest person alive

Hang in there!

[MamaMichelle]

Cathy, I totally agree with you EXCEPT most of comments made (at least to me) are from WOMEN who have at least 1 child themselves!!! LOL I have asked if they forgot how crappy they felt when someone said mean things to them. Pure Shame... LOL

[familyway]

In the case of older people, I think a lot of it has to do with a) the crazy weight restrictions many of them dealt with when they were having babies, and b) the fact that not all that long ago, women in the later stages of pregnancy tended to stay close to home.

For the younger folks? No excuse except for a deplorable lack of courtesy.

I had a friend who carried triplets to 37 weeks. We were the same height, but when you compare my preggo pics with hers, you would SWEAR I was the one with multiples. Some people just carry smaller than others.

When people would comment on my size with my later pregnancies I would look at them with a 'well DUH' look on my face and say, "Well, I AM containing an entire human being and nearly a years worth of supplies in there!"

[DoulaKaren]

Quote:

Originally Posted by familyway When people would comment on my size with my later pregnancies I would look at them with a 'well DUH' look on my face and say, "Well, I AM containing an entire human being and nearly a years worth of supplies in there!"

I love that!!!

I too get gigantic when pregnant and I get the "Are you sure there's just one in there?" I sometimes would say, "Yes, but the father's a blue whale," but my FAVORITE is when I answered, all of a sudden clutching my apparently huge tummy, "I don't know but we're about to find oooouuuuutttttt!!!!" like I just hit hard labor. MAN you should've seen them jump!

[thew]

gosh, i'm just preparing myself for this! I'm going to be huge I know it. I've just been looking at all my belly shots from previous four pg and I just keep getting bigger n bigger now that's ok for me to comment but not anyone else!!

mmm what to say? what about the obvious...did you know that comments like that are really hurtful? some people think that pg women are public property available for public comment. aaarrrgggh. makes me so cross. i remember when i was 8m pregnant (read: huge) with no.4. i was at a playground with my little ones and walking on some equipment i think it was a wobbly walk bridge thingy. A woman that i knew from our local community (not friends with but just met a couple of times) said to me, look at you, you shouldn'e be on that you are huge!! well i just got off and said nothing. i think i was in shock actually. anyway, i was really upset, not by how her comment made me feel really but just at the fact that she was so rude to make such a comment to a heavily pregnant woman yk? so anyway, about a week later i saw her again and i walked straight up to her and told her very calmly that what she had said to me was so very rude and hurtful and i couldn't believe that a woman who had had children herself could ever make a comment like that to a heavily pg woman. well, she was virtually speechless and just said sorry. i have to repeat that i was very calm and not rude at all. just honest yk?

anyway, blah blah blah. i really don't think people realise that their comments are so hurtful (I mean der, how could they not???) but i think they just need to be told and while it didn't stop hurting you it may just stop them from hurting the next pg woman they meet.

good luck. come back for venting if you need. i will be!

[Firefly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by familyway "Well, I AM containing an entire human being and nearly a years worth of supplies in there!"

I love that one! It is a bit more in-your-face without being overly sarcastic!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MomOfImAndZee ""Yes, but the father's a blue whale,"

I wish I thought of something along those lines for my dh's extended family (giggle).

[1stimestar]

If they ask if you are sure it isn't twins, invite them to crawl up your butt to see for themselves.

[MamaMichelle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar If they ask if you are sure it isn't twins, invite them to crawl up your butt to see for themselves.

[Firefly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar If they ask if you are sure it isn't twins, invite them to crawl up your butt to see for themselves.

Ahhh the perks of being pregnant - I almost wet myself when I read that!

[doulagirl]

i know how you feel michelle! i got absolutely gargantuan with my 2nd, so of course nobody could resist whatever crack they could think of at the moment, not even my own mother! when i was 7 months, i was in public somewhere, and some stranger (man) asked when my baby was due. i told him 2 more months, and the look on his face was one of absolute shock. his wife even said "oh my god", like it would be some kind of birth from the movie "aliens"! that was very very hurtful to me, it was all i could do not to cry on the way home (we know all about those lovely hormones!). so anyway, after that i just said in my best tone "there is no excuse for rudeness. i am healthy and so is my baby." that would usually shut them up, and i felt better knowing that maybe they would think next time...i just never understood why folks think that sort of thing is acceptable or worse yet, funny! now i'm almost as protective of pregnant moms as i am of my own children, ha!

[Cecily]

I will never forget when I was pregnant with DS....He had dropped over the weekend and I went back to work on monday, and no less than 10 people asked if I was feeling ok. My boss even offered for me to go home just in case . (I was like 36 weeks-ish)