How you make it work

kelsey · 12-04-2007, 08:03 AM

Ok so I was reading a thread about how being a doula is so hard when you have young kids at home. It was scaring me and making me try to talk myself out of doing this. I really want to do this and don;t want to spend the money and then later regret it. I have a 4 yr old who will be homeschooled next year, and an 18 month old. But I do have a lot of extended family and friends here. My mom works part time but other than that is always available to watch the kids. I also plan on having some sort of back up child care in case. I don;t plan to take on a huge client load either. So, I would love to hear some positive stories of how you juggle being a doula with young kids at home. This is my major concern about the whole thing. Thanks!!

amymaew · 12-04-2007, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelsey

Ok so I was reading a thread about how being a doula is so hard when you have young kids at home. It was scaring me and making me try to talk myself out of doing this. I really want to do this and don;t want to spend the money and then later regret it. I have a 4 yr old who will be homeschooled next year, and an 18 month old. But I do have a lot of extended family and friends here. My mom works part time but other than that is always available to watch the kids. I also plan on having some sort of back up child care in case. I don;t plan to take on a huge client load either. So, I would love to hear some positive stories of how you juggle being a doula with young kids at home. This is my major concern about the whole thing. Thanks!!

I started attending births when Henry was 7 months old. It worked - I have my parents nearby, Ed's job is very flexible so he can come home early or go in late, and I have 5 other back up babysitters. I had two births so far which were over 35 hours and that was really tough, but I think it would have been hard even if I DIDN'T have a baby at home who was still nursing lol. I'm going to attend births through the end of May I think, and then take a break for the new baby.

dorothyh · 12-04-2007, 08:50 AM

Kelsey,

It sounds like you have a great support system! You are going to do great!

With small children having a good support system of family/friends that you can call on for childcare is key. Having the support of your spouse makes it a lot easier as well.

My youngest dd was 2 when I did my first birth, and it has been good. I only did 5 births the first year I doula-ed, which worked out well for then. Now I'm up to 2+ births a month (I want to keep it at 2; being on call for 3 births this month is getting crazy)

And you have to think about things like Christmas. Their birthdays. Are you going to not take clients then, or have doula backup, or run the risk of missing it? So far I have not missed a major holiday. I have spent part of two of their birthdays at a birth, but was always there for the presents/cake part. I had to leave a day early for a birthwhen we went away for Thanksgiving, but I was there for Thanksgiving day.

Christmas morning is what I would be very very sad to miss. I would be fine with going in in the afternoon/evening on Christmas or even Christmas Eve/early Christmas AM. I just want those 2-3 hours Christmas morning. One doula in my area doesn't take any births in mid-December to early January because she does not want to run the risk of missing Christmas or her son's birthday (which is the day after Christmas) This year I took clients due December 12, 17 and 30 and January 8....I don't know why I did that! LOL

helpinghands · 12-07-2007, 11:36 AM

I think it is just a very individual thing (and that it flexes even within that..some seasons you may be able to do more than others, etc. and that is okay). For our family, my dh is disabled with arthritis so he has a home business that allows us to be very flexible with my Doula work, despite homeschooling and having 4-soon to be 5 little ones. My dh is also similar to me in parenting ideals.. I totally trust him to care for the children while I am gone..he uses the sling, knows how to correctly warm up breastmilk, etc. and so though I miss the littles while at a birth or prenatal, I know they are in great hands. My MIL is also nearby for xtra help if he needs it. It is also a bit easier now that some of my littles are getting a bit older and can do more for themselves and understand more about where mommy goes when she does the doula stuff.

I try to limit the number of births I attend though, because the mommy season is very short and I know my limit.

DoulaMorgan · 12-10-2007, 09:56 AM

Yeah, I think you KNOW what your family needs and so you don't over-burden yourself. For me, my FIRST and most important job is mommy. So, I know my limit. I have a four month old and a two year old, so right now, I don't take many clients. Every 2-3 months, I'll take a due date. I have a good support system, but I don't want to be gone A LOT. When my kids are in school, I'll have the opportunity to really expand. It's just about balance for me. Mommy/wife first, doula second.

DoulaKaren · 12-10-2007, 10:21 AM

I have a 3yo and a 1yo and shortly after my 1yo's 1st birthday I started attending births. It has gone pretty well throughout the 3 births so far!

My 3yo is in preschool in a daycare where we can bring my 1yo on a drop-off basis. So, for the 2 births that happened during business hours, we dropped him off and it worked out OK. One birth, I got the call at 6am and dropped them off straight away, and picked them up on the way home. The other birth, I got the call around 2am and I took a cab to the birth, had DH drop them off at child care, had him pick me up from the birth center, and then crashed for a few hours at home in peace and quiet before picking them up around 4pm.

For the third birth, they were kind enough to have their baby on a weekend

My DH works from home so we do have some flexibility as far as that goes. If I get a call after 12 noon on a weekday, for instance, we wouldn't take the kids to child care because we'd be paying $80 for them to take a nap, pretty much!

We're SUPER thankful for daycare because we don't have ANY family here. They're the kids' "aunties" and we feel really comfortable with this place.

WombWarrior · 12-29-2007, 02:17 AM

Hi Hon

How are you feeling about it all now?

I have six children and although I am not actually a qualified doula yet, still studying, I know trying to manage several things at once can be hard.

I guess its about having back up plans, as in A B C and D if need be in a plan system.

Mind you my oldest is just about to turn 17 and then have a 15 year old as well, so its not too bad. But my 3 youngest ones are 8, turning 4 and none months old so I know it can be hard.

Just remember the best part about being a doula is , the visits are set up so your plan A will work, its only the birth that is the surprise of not knowing when. But the birth will only be one day , so hire a baby sitter for that one day, but egt the kids to know her way before. As birth could be in the early hours so the morning so therefore you dont need to wake the kids up at all, just ring the baby sitter or family member and off you go.

Ah, I can talk!!! I have been thinking about this myself, but you know what, we are women and women are capable of doing a hundred things at once and still coming out n top!!! he he he

cathy · 12-29-2007, 12:34 PM

I think it is perfectly workable as long as you feel you have childcare. You can do it as your schedule allows. I did this for years only 1 - 2 births a year. Only since my kids are older am I taking on more clients.

Doula Mary · 12-31-2007, 10:08 AM

My husband travels a lot..like gone every week..it's amazing how my birth work has worked out.
I truly believe that your to be at the births you are meant to be at.

I have a *doula partner* and employ other support if it gets wonky, I have 3-5 doula's that I can call..if I need them.
When my kids were younger I had my mom..now...I can leave my kids for awhile...
Also...my doula partner and I take care of each other;s kids..so if she is at a birth, then I get her kids from school etc. That doula also gets paid for her time btw.
The biggest thing is having a doula partner...I cant imagine being a active doula without back-up.
For me also...since i do Thanksgiving/Christmas. I DO NOT take clients during the holidays...too stressful! So my doula working year runs from Jan-October
Mary