Doula-ing and kids' activities/family events?

Martha · 05-17-2008, 09:26 AM

Do you have tips for smoothing the waters when you miss out on a "family" activity or special kids activity?

I realize these things come with the territory....just looking for tips to not be conflicted when I walk out the door and miss XXXX special event in the life of my child or family. I know I will feel torn! Is there a way to prepare the kids and family in advance for the possibility? I never want my kids to think I chose birth over them.

Thanks for the wisdom! I am passionate about birth, and passionate about my family and can see this being hard for me. So far, I have not had to miss a special event.

Martha

doula Michele · 05-17-2008, 10:17 AM

My immediate family is truely supportive of what I do, and they are so used to me getting up and leaving that is doesn't bother them. A couple weeks ago It was dinner theatre..Imissed the last act.
Last week I carried my cell phone to my sons grade 12 graduation. I missed chaperoning the allnight party, because i was on call ( ok, not the end of the world, my husband was there).
I think its much harder if the kids are younger. I never looked at it as choosing birth over them, it was more of a 'this is when I have to go to work" all moms work, and sometimes I just have to go to work at weird times.

Good luck figuring it out.... I guess its the struggle of all working women.

DoulaCBE · 05-17-2008, 02:39 PM

I just use a good backup for the really important dates.

For example my daughter's volleyball tournaments, my backup is on call for my clients the day before and through the day after when I have clients. When clients hire me they're made aware of any dates that I'm unavailable and are willing to accept my backup.

For smaller family events, I've missed Mother's Day, my anniversary, haven't missed a child's birthday yet, but those fall under the backup situation above.

I have missed school activities and it's just a part of life with a parent who is on call. So conferences, school sanctioned sports, orchestra events, etc I have missed from time to time.

doula Michele · 05-17-2008, 03:29 PM

I do not have good back-up.
Both myself and my husband are self employed... so we both realise that sometimes clients come first. If we want to have any paychecks coming in that is. This is not a hobby for me.

Martha · 05-17-2008, 08:32 PM

I think because my kids are 9,7 and 4 and I homeschool them, it is adding a dimension of additional pressure. I know that I can make up a day of school anytime (though it will disrupt their flow a bit...) but they are used to me being around 24/7 and being the one to take them to all their activities. Not sure they will miss me in the day to day but I will have to keep looking for daytime child care that will take them to the day to day activities (no family local).

Having a back up for the special events may work (thanks for the idea of "black out" dates). Another doula just started in my area and I am really hoping we can come up with a compatible back up plan for each other!

As I start to take on more births, I'm sure that we will find what works for us....and as the kids get a bit older I will be able to take on more births!

Martha

dorothyh · 05-17-2008, 08:58 PM

Hi Martha,

Like others have said, for important days I tell my clients when they hire me that I will not be available on those days, and that I'll have my backup covering for me on those days. I reserve those for days like my daughter's highschool graduation, her sweet 16 party, etc.

As for other days, my kids know that babies come when they want to come, and that there is the possibility that I will get called on a holiday, a birthday, a sporting event, etc. It has nothing to do with choosing a birth over them - it's a matter on following through on a committment that I've made.

I homeschool as well, and I try to have plans in place for getting them to all their activities if I am at a birth, but the reality is that with me being at a birth, sometimes they will miss a co-op activity or a field trip or art class.

Supermomma · 05-18-2008, 02:33 PM

Hey, have you thought of a shared care option? Kinda like, you work from 3pm - 3am and your partner handles the rest? I know a few ladies here that do that, and you pretty much share income.

Martha · 05-19-2008, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supermomma

Hey, have you thought of a shared care option? Kinda like, you work from 3pm - 3am and your partner handles the rest? I know a few ladies here that do that, and you pretty much share income.

Can you explain this a bit more? I don't understand how it works.

Martha