Balancing Family and Doula Work

DoulaCindy · 09-30-2008, 03:57 PM

I am curious as to what other doulas do when clients' due dates coincide with family events. Every year my dh and I discuss whether or not I should accept a client around the Christmas holidays. This year I had someone ask me who is due Dec. 23rd. I would like to help her, but I am not really willing to be away from my family on the Christmas holidays. So I told her that, to which she said she would feel the same way, and I gave her the names of some other doulas. The thing is that the other doulas in our area charge quite a bit more than I do. (I go up on my price as I get more experience but right now I'm still a good bit under some of the more experienced doulas.) Price is an issue for this couple. I often do discount births for those I feel can not pay as much but really want a doula.

I told this couple I would do it for half my usual price BUT I would be unavailable on Christmas Eve and part of the day on Christmas Day. I then gave them the phone numbers of the 3 other doulas. They seemed happy with this. My question is ....what do other doulas do (with small children) when you are approached by a client who is due close to Christmas or any other date that is important to you? I guess I just hate saying no! But I know that my children would not be happy if Mom were to miss those two days with them.

JessicaE · 09-30-2008, 04:53 PM

My doula also laid these criteria for me with my own first birth (my son was due Jan. 1). She would be unavailable for approx. 24 hours, from the evening of Christmas eve, until the evening of Christmas day. I was totally OK with that agreement (DH and I were well-prepared), and I went in with the full understanding of her availability. I also respected her commitment to her family. (I birthed on Dec. 26, and I totally think my body waited for her to be available!)

This is what I'm doing this year as well. I tell clients that if they're at all concerned about the timing, I will connect them with one of my partners or another doula who doesn't have those same conflicts. I'm not discounting unless I do not attend the birth. I think as long as you're open about it up front, as soon as you interview, that gives people the opportunity to make their own choice. I just trust that it will all work out.

Boundaries are good in any business.

If Christmas time with your family is a boundary for you, I think it's appropriate to lay that out in a fair and respectful way, and let clients make their own choices.

1stimestar · 09-30-2008, 08:48 PM

I have a client due around Christmas, I have little kids. I could have sent her on to other doulas but don't think there is one other doula in town as comitted as I am to supporting women lol. So in other words, they would be out of luck. If I am not there for Christmas morning, they get to open their stockings and play with any thing from Santa. My husband is left with instructions about putting the turkey in the oven etc. It happened last Thanksgiving... We just celebrate when I get home.

DoulaCindy · 09-30-2008, 09:40 PM

Literally right after I posted this, I got an email saying that she and her husband felt like I was the doula for them. Thanks for the responses! I guess I felt bad saying that I wouldn't be there for someone on one of the most important days of their lives. But of course, it would be worse not being there for my kids. My doula business has picked up a bit lately, so I've been gone more with interviews, prenatals, births, and postpartums. I'm getting the feeling that some of them think I'm gone a bit too much. <sigh> My little ones will say "Where are you going today, Mom?" I have scaled back some and said I would not help with the childbirth class that I was assisting with.

One other reason for not being gone on Christmas...we celebrate with my husband's family. Both of his parents have cancer. Two years ago at Christmas, my mil almost died. She is still pretty sick and my fil's cancer from 13 years ago has returned. The holidays are important to them and you never know how many more you will have so.....I'm going to enjoy it with family. Even with that said, if I know my client is in labor during the holidays, I know I'll be torn!

Anyway....it helps to know how other doulas handle these types of situations! Thank you!

heart2heartbirthmatters · 10-01-2008, 05:54 AM

Holidays/birthdays are definately a hard thing to miss. And it is a personal decision each family must make for themselves. When you have LITTLE kids, they LIVE for that day. As your kids get older and start working, get bf's/gf's spouses, you start having to share the day with others or perhaps celebrate on a different day....or miss certain ones. Last year I took 2 clients due near Christmas...one due 25th, one due 27th... with the understanding that IF it happened on Christmas eve or Christmas Day they would owe me a Bonus (of their choosing) for my missing my family time....that was for the paying client, the other client was an OSD that I helped another doula do last minute and that one I just said I would be unavailable during that time-frame. Both clients were happy with the arrangments. This year I decided to NOT take clients near Christmas because last year I worried for WEEKS I was going to miss it....then time came and I actually did take 2 again, but they are due early Dec. I'm hoping they both @ least go on time or only a little late....if not, we're not going to worry about it, we'll just celebrate when I get home....I had to turn away a few because of being w/my mom when she was sick, and I'm having to go back for her surgery and I also turned down 2 more during that time frame...so I really wanted the income. It's hard to be away but I LOVE what I do...some people have jobs that they hate, my husband is one. I would love it if he could retire early and I could work as a midwife by the time all the kids are gone. You need your family's support whatever your choices!

DoulaCindy · 10-21-2008, 09:39 PM

Well.....I got another client that is due within a few days of Christmas! I gave her the names of other doulas but she called me back. I was pretty surprised. The good news is that she asked her doctor who he liked working with as far as doulas go, and he said me! Yay!!! Of course, that is always nice to hear! She got my name from a friend of hers that was one of my first real clients and then heard it again from the doctor, so she wants to go with me. I'm excited but a little nervous about having two so close to Christmas. I told her the same thing I told my other client--there will be about 24 hours that I will not be available.

DoulaCindy · 12-26-2008, 07:50 PM

Thought I would give an update. I had a client due on the 20th of Dec. and one due on the 29th. Well, it is Dec. 26th and I have been to one birth--and it was the one due on the 29th!! I was so worried about the whole being on call around Christmas. It ended up working out fine. My client that is due on the 20th still hasn't had her baby and seems pretty far from it--cervix high, firm, posterior and baby floating very high! My client due on the 29th went into labor on Christmas Day. She was in early labor all day. Didn't even call me until around 9 p.m. By 11 p.m. she was ready for me to come over. We went to the hospital around 2:45 a.m. and she was 6 cm. Unfortunately, she got stuck at 9 cm for several hours. Poor thing was exhausted. She was doing it naturally but after a few hours at 9 with a stubborn anterior lip, she got some medication which actually did "take the edge off" the contractions. The baby was born around 11:30 a.m. this morning. Oh, did I say that this was my first sucessful VBAC client! She did an awesome job! Now, one more to go. . . . Now I don't know what we will do about my son's birthday party which is on Jan. 1st! She could possibly go that far. She really does not want an induction but I don't see her doctor being laid back about it. She is comfortable with going up to 2 weeks over but not past that. Keeping my fingers crossed that she goes into labor soon!

Petitefleurdoulas · 01-07-2009, 07:33 PM

I had two December clients with due dates of 12/21 and 12/23... my little ones are still on the young side- (2 and 4 1/2) so I was fine with the possibility of being away during Christmas eve and/or day because we would have "moved" them without the kids being the wiser. Obviously that won't always be the case, in fact I think this is the last year my oldest would have been okay with it...right now I'm only taking clients on during my husband's vacations (he's in education so has generous winter and summer breaks) so December births are a must for me at this point...

Petitefleurdoulas · 01-07-2009, 07:34 PM

Oh- and FWIW, my clients went on 12/18 and 1/2- totally clear of the holidays

thew · 01-12-2009, 06:03 AM

Well, this year I had a birth due a week before my kids' end of year dance concert and one due 3 days before xmas. i was quite stressed about them both actually. i missed the dance concert which upset me so much. i excused myself to pump and had a little cry

i know what a sook! and the christmas bub was a week early...

i have decided to not accept births in december because christmas with my little ones is so very special i would HATE to miss it and also I will not take on any births in May as I have 3 kids and DH with may birthdays

i know this emoticon doesn't really apply but i couldn't find the one i was looking for and this is really cool hehe