Just a Question I have been debating

Fullerbirths · 10-15-2008, 07:01 PM

I have a really close friend who is due this week, and she is really close to my 2 small children and family, and also has a small boy of her own. I am having a little difficulty getting for sure child care this week, and I was wondering if it would be a huge interference if I brought my two children with me to her house for early labour until my husband could pick them up a couple hours later...if the need arises. Any opinions?

bellymamadoula · 10-15-2008, 07:22 PM

well, are you in a professional role for her?

If so, what would you do if she wasn't your BF?

I think the answer is part my my suggestion above, and part calling HER and asking if that would be ok.

1stimestar · 10-15-2008, 10:11 PM

I personally would not want someone else's children around while I was trying to concentrate on laboring. I couldn't even labor with my OWN son around. I think if you asked her directly, she would feel pressured to either allow it when she may not be comfortable with it or take the chance on hurting your feelings. Sorry, don't mean to dash your hopes of being there with your friend and of course, she may be the type that doesn't mind distractions but I sure wouldn't want to be the one to put her on the spot.

DL · 10-15-2008, 11:44 PM

I agree with the others; I wouldn't take my kids to a labor, no matter how early. There's actually a good chance that she won't need you in early labor, though. I join the majority of my clients when they are in active labor. They don't usually feel that they need the extra support until then. If it were me, I'd make the calls for childcare as soon as you know that she's in early labor. Ask her to even give you a "head's up" if she even thinks she is going into labor so that you'd have more time to get someone there for the kids so you'll be more likely to be ready when she does need you.

b'earth angel · 10-16-2008, 12:02 AM

I can't see a reason that I would take my own children to a birth. Not only will it distract her but it will also distract you and then you wouldn't be doing a thorough job of being a doula. You would be split between doula/mom and that's not beneficial to either your client or your children.
I agree w/the pps that you wait to go until you have secured childcare or you could always refer her to another doula if you cannot find childcare.

1stimestar · 10-16-2008, 01:37 AM

Wait, are you going as her doula or as her friend. If you are going as her doula, even if you are friends, please do not bring your children. I thought you were asking if we thought it would be ok to bring your kids to the birth of a friend, not as a doula. As a friend, that would be distracting and not ok for most women. Bringing your kids as her doula would simply not be ok, not professional, not allow her the sanctity of her labor to feel free to do what she needs to do, and not allow you to be the best doula you can be. How old are your children? What if she wants to labor around her house in the nude? What if she is leaking amniotic fluid as she walks around the house? Would your children be likely to stay in one place and out of it?

MamaAshley · 10-16-2008, 08:35 AM

I would not take my kids to a birth no matter if it was my best friend, sister, anyone. I just don't think it's okay to the mom, no matter what she says. Check out craigslist for a sitter, or the local paper. Good luck!

doula Michele · 10-16-2008, 09:27 AM

Nope, I would not take my kids. EVER!

amymaew · 10-16-2008, 09:50 AM

I couldn't work with my kids around. I don't know about the mom's stress level, but mine would be through the roof if I had my kids at a birth. I didn't want them at my OWN birth lol.

Fullerbirths · 10-16-2008, 12:01 PM

Thanks everyone for the input. I never want or intend to bring my children to a birth, the reason I was even debating it was because as the mother is a BF, I am there for her as a friend, and also as a professional, and she had requested that I come to be with her as soon as she felt that the baby was coming, just to keep her busy and distracted. So just to clarify, I was only thinking that because she wanted me to come over that soon, having the babies around while we are just hanging around wouldn't be a huge deal.
But, child care is a go now, so don't have to worry about it! thanks for helping!