Is your spouse/partner supportive of what you do?

MindfulBirth · 09-18-2006, 03:43 PM

Lets just say I didn't have a doula for my own two births. My DH talks that he's supportive, but I don't think he understands the time commitment involved (which is why I am starting with CBE certification then will do PPD in a couple years and wait until the girls are a bit older to start the LD cert) and certainly does not understand my passion for birth - especially natural birth. He sees this only as a way for us to make more money. I'm afraid he will turn into an arse if I have have a client whose labor is 24+ hours. Anyone else have a less than supportive spouse?

MothertheMother · 09-18-2006, 03:51 PM

My dh gets so excited for me when I tell him about getting articles written or meeting with hospital people or completing my certification or even signing on a new client. He thinks it is just great that I am doing something that I love and making a difference. With all of that said, he still isn't so happy when it means he has to sacrifice something he wants to do so that he can be with the children while I am busy. I have not yet had a super long birth so we have not yet visited this but it does worry me. Because of him telling me how much he had to give up for me to do prenatels and attend childbirth classes etc I decided to limit how many clients I will take.We have agreed that I will only take one client every other month until the kids are a bit bigger or until we move back home and have better childcare support. Actually, I don't feel like I can take any clients right now because he is looking for a job both here and home in FL so I have no idea where we will end up when. frustrating....

tlcdoula · 09-18-2006, 03:55 PM

My husband said he was going to be supportive when I started. Like you, I never had a doula for any of my births and my dh thought he did so much (on going issue with us until one day I pulled out the birth video and showed him, but that is another subject LOL).

So when I started dh thought he would be super supportive and was excited that I was working and doing this and yes he thought we would get rich LOL. One of my first births ended up going 30 hours (ending in a cesarean) and me staying 2 more hours for a total of 32 hours. During that birth he would page me and when I returned the calls (when it was convenient for me and the mama) he would get upset and tell me to leave because it was too long. This continued to be an issue - him getting upset when I had to leave for a birth at a time he found inconvenient or when a birth was a little longer than he thought it should be.

This continued until one day he got called into work and I started ranting and raving and bitching like you cannot imagine (basically giving him back what he was giving me). He told me it was his job, blah, blah, blah. It was then that he realized that he was complaining about my job, but for the past number of years he was at his job I never complained. I made sure that I rammed that into his head and he got it.

He will still complain once in awhile, but not that much

douladot · 09-18-2006, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MothertheMother

With all of that said, he still isn't so happy when it means he has to sacrifice something he wants to do so that he can be with the children while I am busy

I kinda feel like my kids and my husband feel the same as this.....I think they are happy for me up until a point....when it is not convenient for them or they are tired of hearing "doula or birth" stories. My first birth was on Mother's Day of this year (& was 24 hours long) and my husband had to entertain his mom and sister and have a houseload of girls on top of that to take care of....but, I also know that he knows this is very important to me...so we will see what the future holds.

Little Blessings · 09-18-2006, 04:11 PM

I have not gone to any births since getting my feet back into the grove...but my family is so supportive..my daughter are saying that they want to be a doula when they grow up...

..bless them! Actually when I told my hubby that I wanted to be a doula again he was so supportive...I have to travel 41/2 hrs to take my course and he encourgaed me, he has bought me books..he listens to me..he realizes that I could have to leave in a moments notice no matter what we are doing or where we are...and that I might be gone for 6 hours or longer...he is excited for me..I hope that it will last...

earthgirl · 09-18-2006, 04:13 PM

For me...only time will tell. So far so good!

JerseyJess · 09-18-2006, 04:24 PM

Not nearly as supportive as I'd hoped. We did have a doula for our third birth. It was an induction and I went unmedicated-I was THRILLED. He knows how important this work can be but feels that I put clients before our family.Although he once told a family member that I "Rub women's feet for a living" I was livid!

He doesn't understand the committment of being "on call". When I'm gone more than 16hrs he gets really antsy, my labors were so quick that he thinks my clients must be "faking it" or just have really dysfunctional bodies. He also feels that its unsafe as I meet with strangers and drive around in "bad" neighborhoods in the middle of the night. Lastly he sees how invested I am in the outcomes that it upsets him to see me stressed, disappointed or suffering from a killer migraine.

AmandaB · 09-18-2006, 05:14 PM

I have to say I have a very supportive dh. He has to be as he drives me to most interviews and prenatals, he has also dropped me off at the occassional birth (actually he has either driven me to or picked me up from every birth I have been to!!!)

He actually changed jobs, not only for him, but also to allow me to feel not so guilty about not bringing in a steady pay check. He says that he has never seen me so happy and inspired. He encourages me to get out there, to keep going when I have just about given up, and to keep my chin up the jobs will come.

He is a wonderful guy, he is very patient, and loving. We encourage eachother to shoot for the stars. I just hope one day I can drive myself and not feel so guilty about not bringing in a steady paycheck. But of course those are my hang ups.

syncreo · 09-18-2006, 06:58 PM

Hi,
My husband is pretty supportive. He definitely supports my passion for birth and works very hard at making sure his work schedule is flexible so he can be home with the kids if I am at a birth. Given that our children are still very young, we have agreed that I will only take on one client a month. This is more then enough given my other doula and educator roles but I have to admit that sometimes I do take on 2 - but only with first checking in because it obviously means more adjustments for him and my kids. This mutual respect is what makes it work for both of us.
We both believe that life and work are about fulfilling a purpose that fuelled is by passion, not money and this keeps us both on track in terms of our own work and supporting the other in what they do. He isn't in a conventional job either, so this helps with both flexibility and understanding.

He is pretty amazing in so many ways!
Cheers, Shawna

tinamomof6 · 09-18-2006, 08:32 PM

of my actual work, like he'll take care of the kids, drop what he's doing at work if a mom's in labor and needs me(he's self-employed), encourage me to get in a nap before an overnight postpartum job, or go to bed early if I've got a mom that's due. But it's the other stuff that he seems to lose patience with a bit...the interviews, prenatal appointments, doula meetings that I attend, workshops, etc. He knows that networking if a very important part of the doula business but when I'm walking out the door he's not always thrilled. And even my little kids will say, "mommy, where you going...a doula meeting?"....

Tina CD(DONA) CPD(DONA)
www.longislanddoula.com

erad76 · 09-18-2006, 08:49 PM

So far, my husband has been very supportive. He doesn't have a lot of patience for "birth talk", but he is very supportive in other ways. He's actually very gung-ho for me to be a midwife. I keep telling him that I don't think he understands what that will mean in terms of schooling and time away from home when I begin to practice. I've been thinking about going back to school to be a nurse and eventually to go the Frontier School of Midwifery and Community Nursing. He thinks I am going to become Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.
It's great that he believes in me so much. We don't have children yet, and I am worried about how that may change things. My husband does have a regular job, so I don't know how things will work. But then again, only God know what is in store for us.

MindOverLaborDoulas · 09-18-2006, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinamomof6

of my actual work, like he'll take care of the kids, drop what he's doing at work if a mom's in labor and needs me(he's self-employed), encourage me to get in a nap before an overnight postpartum job, or go to bed early if I've got a mom that's due. But it's the other stuff that he seems to lose patience with a bit...the interviews, prenatal appointments, doula meetings that I attend, workshops, etc. He knows that networking if a very important part of the doula business but when I'm walking out the door he's not always thrilled. And even my little kids will say, "mommy, where you going...a doula meeting?"....

Tina CD(DONA) CPD(DONA)
www.longislanddoula.com

I'm right there with ya Tina!

motherstouchdoula · 09-18-2006, 09:25 PM

I am very lucky larry will call in sick to stay home with the kids if I am at a Birth..he just wants me to take on 8 clients a month so he can stay home full-time!! That is his dream..LOL

Kim Trower · 09-18-2006, 09:30 PM

My dh is super supportive...we text as a way of communication as needed while I am at births. he always asks how things are going, tells me to be safe, and offers to come get me if it's too late or I have been up for long hours/days. He loves to hear about the births (not tmi but just was it good or if I had some challenges he will hear me out and give his shoulder to cry on and encourage me). He is excited when I get excited about something and vice versa...He believes in what I do and talks about it all the time...we didn't have a doula we had lots of family and friends at both our homebirths....he is wonderful! I don't have to worry when I am away, he will make adjustments to his schedule (he does massage so rescheduling private massages) if needed,

heathenmamaof5 · 09-18-2006, 09:52 PM

Interesting...Mine said the other day, "Why wouldn't I be supportive? You're my retirement!"

For us that about says it all. He's a Long Haul Truck Driver and I've been home raising kids for 17 years. Our goal is for me to get my feet wet with Doula work and then applying to Midwiferey school in the next couple of years. As a LM, CPM in private practice doing home/water births we beleive I will be able to support the two of us (and whatever stragglers we have).

This past week I did a baby fair from 8-6 daily and pp care at night midnight-6am, Kirk was home the majority of the time. He made me get some sleep and leave the housework and the past two mornings I woke up with my little ones in my bed and Kirk in the boys room. He did this because he knows how important it is for the children to be near me when I'm gone working long hours.

So as much as I may not feel he's being supportive enough at times, when push comes to shove he truly is.

I love my guy! 17 years Sept 30th!!!