Where are all the helpful doula-sisters?

[teachinmamaof4]

I really hate when people post on boards then delete it. That's what I'm going to do.

I've been thinking about what I wrote/vented. I shouldn't have said what I did about my doula-sisters. My apologies.

[Stacie]

Could your midwife ask patients if they would want a volunteer doula at their birth? Observing is a scary word because, heck, if you were coming to my birth to stare at me I might feel a little awkward about that, but if you came to help, I would be open to that idea.

I think you are going to have better luck connecting with pregnant mamas first. I thought it would be nice to have a mentor, but I also could not find one and I didn't want to waste my time trying to find one; I offered my services, my name go out, and I took off running.

Don't waste your time trying to find someone to tag along with. Call up a place like Birthright, or other organization where they deal with pregnant teens and explain what a doula is and offer your services for free. You may not have attended a "real" birth yet as a doula, but this is all a learning process; if we all waited until we "knew enough," when would we actually start?

Just do it! Pull out your phone book and try to find an underserved organization that helps pregnant mamas, then call and see if they are receptive to your idea.

[teachinmamaof4]

My mw doesn't have any clients right now. She's been taking time off b/c she also had a baby in October (our boys are 1wk 1day apart. ). When we talked yesterday she tried thinking of any expecting mamas due in the next couple months that she knew but couldn't think of any.

There is a place here that staffs doulas (not volunteer) for teen Moms. I'll have to get that info from my mw. I'm not sure if you have to be certified to work with them or not. There is also a volunteer doula program at one of the hospitals but you have to have had training first.

Quote:

You may not have attended a "real" birth yet as a doula, but this is all a learning process; if we all waited until we "knew enough," when would we actually start?

Oh, I agree with you. I just don't want to go into it prepared, having observed (helped...whatever) a birth first. Part of that is the planner in me. I want to have all my ducks in a row so to speak before jumping in. As much as it scares me, I'll just jump right if I need to.

I'll keep looking. If it really ends up being a pita and too much work, I'll just skip the CBE part for now. I'd like to do both to save $ and have that under my belt (looking thru doula listings, not many in the Tulsa area also have CBE).

Rambling now...thinking "out loud".

[nocomparta]

Heather, maybe call Shauna and see if she has any ideas.

[1stimestar]

Danielle Lugrand, CD(DONA) Agape Doula Service, Oklahoma City Metro Area 701-2739
agapedoula@hotmail.com

Contact Danielle and tell her Georganne sent you to her. She is a member of DACO (Doula Association of Central Oklahoma) and is very friendly and very helpful (and a darn good doula too lol). She knows who's who in Oklahoma and can help you get hooked up with someone in your area.

[teachinmamaof4]

Thanks.

Val ~ She saw my first email and replied about the trying to still schedule a workshop for Tulsa. So she knows I'm looking for info.

Georganne ~ Thanks for the contact info.

Things are a little more settled now after some time to think and a free birthday burger at Red Robin. When I got home I had an email from the group president. She asked a few questions and I replied.

I think I'm just going to do the LD right now...it will be much easier to get the births if I have that done. Once I go thru the training I can apply with the volunteer doula program at the hospital. She mentioned that's how most of the doulas in the group got started.

As much as I'd like to get both done now (for a variety of reasons), it's not worth the hassle and time away from my family.

[tlcdoula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachinmamaof4 Seriously. Still no reply from anyone in the doula group about childbirth class leads (I think I have found one tho so that's not a big deal). No replies about observing a couple births. Yes, I know if I connect w/ an established doula it's not up to her but the client. But NO replies. I guess I'll just get my name out there on some doula registries and offer free births. That scares the $hit out of me tho b/c I've never been to a birth other than my own four. I was hoping to tag along with someone first to watch a doula in action before doing it on my own. Kwim? My mw told me about one doula (who happens to be in the group I'm in) who teaches bradley and who is supposed to be great about helping ladies just starting out. So I called her and asked if I was calling at a bad time. Man...she was NOT helpful or very friendly. I was in the middle of telling her why I was calling and she cut me off saying she's doing private classes right now so there's nothing for me to observe. It seemed like she was in a hurry to get off the phone. I called another doula regarding group dues that I need to mail. She was also a bit short. I realize people are busy and possibly having a bad day or tired. It's just SO discouraging!!!! Does it get easier?? There have to be people out there who are willing to help out a newbie...right?? If you got this far thanks for reading my vent!

I am really sorry that you are experiencing these problems, but honestly I can also understand why they may be less than helpful. Unfortunately in this business doulas come and go and mentors are often burned badly by those they try to help out. I know from my own experience I have been burned several times by people who said they want to be doulas, want to tag along, etc. Then when I bust my tail trying to get them a birth or something like that they ditch out at the last minute and then I have to explain to the mother why the other doula didn't show or I would have to do the birth for the doula, etc. Unfortunately a lot of times our past experiences form our future willingness to help.

Once I trained a woman who begged me over and over again to help set her up with a birth. I set her up with a birth and then the week the mother was due she decided to go on a romantic weekend with her husband and told me she couldn't do the birth. Thankfully the mother gave birth before she left, because I couldn't do the birth for her and she would have ditched out. She begged and begged for me to continue helping her and so I gave her another chance. The next time I got her a birth right around the time the mother was due she decided she couldn't attend births during the early part of the week. What??? I was so not happy because then I had to find someone else to do this birth for her. She continued calling and begging and in the end I told her flat out that unless she made life changes I felt she wasn't doula material because a doula needs to be available at all times and not when it is convenient. Harsh? Probably, but she left a horrible taste in my mouth and now when someone asks me I won't do it because I do not want to be burned like I was with this woman and others I tried to help.

I know I have said this before and have been kind of slammed for my views, but I wouldn't help out someone unless she proved herself to me. I would hav to be 100% certain that the woman really wanted to be a doula, had what it took to be a doula and really had the willingness to put forth the time before I helped anyone ever again.

So perhaps these woman have had bad experiences like I have had and therefore they aren't as willing to help. Please try not to take it personally and perhaps it might be a better idea to try to become friends with them first. See if you can meet for coffee or something and "introduce" yourself. Then you can let them know who you are, they can learn more about you and they might be more willing to help you out.

[teachinmamaof4]

I completely understand that POV.


Oh well...it's not an issue now since my plans have changed.

[nocomparta]

So does that mean you are not taking the combo training in Dallas?

[1stimestar]

[quote=See if you can meet for coffee or something and "introduce" yourself. Then you can let them know who you are, they can learn more about you and they might be more willing to help you out.[/QUOTE]

Offer to buy THEM coffee. I have had several people call and ask for a meeting to see about becoming a doula and I am happy to do it. But for one, I have to pay a babysitter so that costs $20 then I have to pay for my coffee too. Sometimes I don't have the extra $25 to meet with a stranger and just chat... Bringing my kid/s to a meeting is just not an option. For one, it is not professional, for another, I can't get into any meaningful discussions if I have my kids interuppting every 3 minutes and it is just too frustrating.

[teachinmamaof4]

Val ~ I'm signing up for the Labor Doula part only.

[1stimestar]

Heather, don't feel bad! Sometimes this IS frustrating work. Getting your name out there, making those connections, getting the experience in the first place IS the most difficult part of this business. It takes a minimum of 2 years to establish a new doula business. It's also sometimes frustrating working with other doulas (or trying to). But soon enough you will meet one or two of them and find one that you feel comfortable talking to. Some doulas get very territorial. It's silly really. They obviously have never been the only doula in town. One doula to try to educate the public about what doulas do and why you would want one is a very exhausting job. I LOVE having other doulas in my area as were I came from, I was the only one. Hang in there.

[DL]

Quote:

Originally Posted by teachinmamaof4 I really hate when people post on boards then delete it. That's what I'm going to do. I've been thinking about what I wrote/vented. I shouldn't have said what I did about my doula-sisters. My apologies.

Oh, it's ok....don't worry about it. I wasn't sure if you were posting about the doulas here, or of the doulas in your local area. I know that I replied in your other thread...so I was assuming it was the local doulas you were talking about. We all have to vent every now and then, and we all know how frustrating it is waiting for answers when we need them NOW. It is so frustrating to get started, especially when you are on your own. I did it, though...and you can too if need be! Keep being persistant, and go ahead and attend a birth without having seen one first if you need to (I did that, too!); when you support with your heart, it all falls into place. You'll continue learning with each birth, and the learning NEVER stops! Keep your chin up and allow your drive to compell you to not stop trying different things; one day you'll see that it is paying off! You can do this!

[Luv2bemommy]

Heather, it IS hard!! I feel all alone in this here.. Do they happen to have any kind of volenteer thing at the hospital? As you know a local hospital here has volunteer doula's that come in so thats what I'm doing.. I hope to get a mentor, I havent got one yet but I am also scared to death to be in there alone for the first time!! I don't know anyone IRL that is a doula though, so its SO hard!

[capandcradle]

Dear Heather, I got my start doula-ing when I was in a breastfeeding support group. I helped my friend have a baby, and the nurses asked her if I was a professional labor coach -- this was in 1991 before the term doula was applied to labor support -- and other women in the bf support group asked me to help.

I also volunteered with WIC, helping inner-city moms bf and established rapport with them and helped many of them give birth.

A year or so later I entered ICEA's TCP and began teaching cbe classes. I got a lot of births that way.

It never dawned on me to charge for this kind of help until I connected with NACA -- a group that trained "labor assistants" before DONA was founded. I thought it was superflous to pay for training to learn what I already knew.

In short, I believe the connection you establish with pregnant women will influence how many births you attend, more than certifications, more than trainings (although I do believe they are useful!), more than connecting with doulas in your community.

If you can't afford to treat someone to Starbucks and pay for child care, why not invite them to your home? Or invite them to meet you at a breastfeeding-support group meeting? Or better yet, contact a childbirth educator. Tell her what you're doing and ask her if you can do mutual referrals, or hold posters for her.

Like Michelle, I found that helping new people get started is a lot of give-give-give and you never know who is going to be reliable or who is going to bite you in the behind. I'm not the touchy-feely type and got my fill of sisterhood in my college sorority. That doesn't mean my closest friends aren't LLL leaders and doulas -- they are -- but I don't expect sisterly sacrifice out of them, KWIM?

Sincerely,
Anne