Doula Life - Share Your Wisdom

capandcradle · 04-17-2006, 10:00 AM

Many doulas have been through the DONA workshop offered fairly regularly in our community yet few have stuck. It seems life happens, children are small and childcare can be difficult to secure, particularly for unpredictable births that happen all hours of the day and night. Also, I've seen women get burned out witnessing the unnecessary episiotomies/Long's ValSalva/cesarean/inductions that are so common in our culture.

I thought it might be nice if doulas who have been at this a while -- like three or more years -- share with the aspiring doulas why they do it and how they cope with the issues I mentioned, and any others you face.

Anne

Kim Trower · 04-17-2006, 12:21 PM

When I first started it was very hard and I missed a lot of births but it was okay because I wasn't "Hired" by the couple. I just put it out their for midwives that I'd like to attend for experience but I may not be able to always make it because I'm still nursing and childcare is unpredictable. It worked out great, I taught childbirth classes and attended births when I could. Then for awhile when I started taking my own clientele I only used friends, family, or my dh took them to work. Totally not an ideal situation and I felt bad about doing it and my dh and I had some stressful moments over it...Finally I have a nice plan worked out...
One daughter is in kindergarten, and I found a daycare that allows drop ins and they will take her to and from school so that is covered and then my 4 year old can be dropped off there as well. It is quite pricey $80 for the day but I just make sure I take that out of my clients deposit so it's done and if I don't end up using the day care then it's a bonus.
Why I do it.....I love it, love it, love it. It is so rewarding to see life unravel and mama's grow in their confidence and excitement towards birth. It is amazing to see life in the purest way and see mama's changing health care, literally one birth at a time, when they stand up and say "no, I don't want that" or "I am birthing my baby this way". I am so very passionate about women's rights and the newborns rights and empowering women through education...it's awesome to be a part of, through the ups and downs..it's all worth it.

1stimestar · 04-17-2006, 12:56 PM

When I first started in this business I didn't have any children, but was not totally committed to being a doula as I was hoping all over the US just having fun. I attended my first birth 12 or 13 years ago. After the birth of my son I started to take it a bit more seriously though still did not want to be certified. Keep in mind, this is when DONA was new so most doulas were not certified. Then my daughter was born and shortly thereafter the problems my husband and I had been having for years were coming to a head. He was not supportive of my doula work nor in fact, anything I wanted to do. He would not only not watch the kids while I went on prenatals or births but would sabatoge my business anywhere he could. This included moving us across country several times as soon as my doula business would start to get established. I finally left him when my daughter was two and brought my kids to Alaska. Now I have a wonderful support network which includes support for my kids. I have a regular babysitter, a weekend babysitter (young woman), her mom for when she is in school, some single, childfree girlfriends who are willing to come sleep on my couch when I need to leave in the middle of the night, another girlfriend with a wonderful husband and kids whom are a bit older then mine but love to play with them and "help take care of them", and an aunt I can use in emergencies. I was not allowed to develop such relationships in the later years of my marraige as my husband became more controlling and abusive so it is wonderful to have them now. Proper support is imperative to be a good doula.

I got burned out last year and took the summer off. I had lots of back packing and camping trips planned and didn't want to have to worry about scheduling around births as well as my full time job. It wasn't that the births I attend to here were bad either as all of the ones I have attended here, the staff has been very supportive. I just needed a break and time for myself. It was benificial and when I decided to get back to "work" I couldn't wait for my first client.

capandcradle · 04-17-2006, 03:50 PM

Thank you, Georgeanne, for sharing your story. I believe you hit on an important point -- for doulas with little ones, and for those without, SUPPORT for the doula is essential. Reliable child care is a must; and for those without little ones, support in the form of someone to bounce off all the things you'll witness.

Are you supporting your family as a doula now, or do you hold another job as well? I know one lady who is a single mom who pays the mortgage and supports her family as a doula. But most I know hold other jobs if they must bring in income for their families.

1stimestar · 04-17-2006, 06:49 PM

I also hold a full time job. My husband and I are on pretty good terms now (years later) and he comes to visit and stays with us some in the summers and my son (who is older) has gone down to stay with him for a few months at a time. I do not get child support of any kind so must have a reliable income to pay the bills and depend on my doula business to supplement my income. It's very expensive to live up here but it's so worth it. So yes, doulaing can be done with little ones but support is a MUST. Sometimes it is hard but as you know, it's worth it.

Kim Trower · 04-17-2006, 08:28 PM

oh I should add....I totally could not do this work without my husband. He is my biggest cheerleader and supporter and believes in all the work I do.