Adoption Resources?

[fearlessbirth]

Do you any of you have any resources (books, websites, etc.) on women who are giving their baby up for adoption? Specifically, from an emotional aspect and what a doula can/should do for her?

Thank you so much!

[capandcradle]

Cathy, My clientele is exclusively at-risk, crisis pregnancy and for a long time I worked for a maternity home, so I have lots of experience with this. Email me privately and I'll send you handouts but my suggestions--

1. Treat her like you would any other mom. She is NOT a birth mother until the baby is placed.
2. Don't use verbiage "give up," but "placed," or "adoption plan." I HOPE she is getting counseling -- not by an adoption agency but by someone independent who is helping her to explore ALL her options and will give her a realistic picture of what her future life will be like. (There are all ranges of grief, but women who've placed tell me the first year is hardest and that being in the driver's seat is helpful.)
3. Advocate for HER -- whatever she feels like she needs to do to live with this the rest of her life. Some hold, breastfeed; some don't want to see their babies. About half the women I worked with changed their mind, but often women 1. who weren't being pressured and 2. knew BOTH the realities of parenting and placing and 3. weren't coerced made choices they felt good about.
4. Working with these girls and women can be difficult and emotionally draining. My youngest birth-mother client was 12. My oldest in her 20's. I saw a lot of coercion (by agencies and prospective adoptive parents), particularly if the baby was healthy and white. Hence my suggestion that she have her own counselor and her own attorney not paid for by the parents or agency.

I'm adopted myself and am definitely pro-adoption for the mothers it is right for. A doula can really help mother these mothers, many of whom are unmothered themselves. You can help empower her and she will feel good and equipped to move on with her life, whatever the outcome of her birth. My best birth with a relinquishing mom was a water-labor where the baby went straight to the breast of the adopting mother who was waiting in the next room with an SNS. The mother felt really empowered.

Warmly,
Anne

[tlcdoula]

Check out the CAPPA website - they have a certification program for adoption support and have a "reading list." You could start there with reading material.

[heathenmamaof5]

Wow Anne! What great info. Bless You for the work that you do.

[capandcradle]

Michelle -- The US government and Infant Adoption Awareness Training Program sponsored free adoption specialist certification for maternal health workers -- I don't know if the training is still available but you can still get free materials from 1-866-212-3678. I did the program in 2002. The free training is still available in my community -- and I'm trained to provide it too.

I inquired about CAPPA's but no one would send me a syllabus! On their website it doesn't list anyone in charge of the program. Do you know who the director is?

I also was hoping for information about the instructor -- I don't want to pay lots of money for information from someone without at least as much experience as I have KWIM? Did you do it? How do you see anyone earning any income from it?

While the adoption of infants has certainly declined in recent years, like you I see the women opting for adoption for their babies needing empathetic, confident, confident, woman-centered help.

Anne

[tlcdoula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by capandcradle Michelle -- The US government and Infant Adoption Awareness Training Program sponsored free adoption specialist certification for maternal health workers -- I don't know if the training is still available but you can still get free materials from 1-866-212-3678. I did the program in 2002. The free training is still available in my community -- and I'm trained to provide it too. I inquired about CAPPA's but no one would send me a syllabus! On their website it doesn't list anyone in charge of the program. Do you know who the director is? I also was hoping for information about the instructor -- I don't want to pay lots of money for information from someone without at least as much experience as I have KWIM? Did you do it? How do you see anyone earning any income from it? While the adoption of infants has certainly declined in recent years, like you I see the women opting for adoption for their babies needing empathetic, confident, confident, woman-centered help. Anne

The person in charge of this program is Sarah Coleman. Go to the CAPPA website and you can find her contact information.

[capandcradle]

OK Cathy, can you keep us posted on any new developments? How are things? I looked through my old DONA newsletters (haven't received them in a while) for an article that perhaps I could quote from, but nope. Perhaps since CAPPA has a program, there is an article in back issues of the CQ? Michelle? Val?

I found in my experience, that women considering making adoption plans tended to have realistic views of life and parenting. They didn't tend to be psychologically unstable (as far as I could see). The younger and more psychologically vulnerable (abuse issues, depression etc) they were more prone to being manipulated by agencies, attorneys and potential adopting parents.

Michelle -- I noticed you had those letters after your name. Would you mind sharing how you use the credential?