Vent - Mom wants my sister to have a c-section

10-25-2005, 12:22 AM

Okay... I am so new at this. Here is the debate. A bit long,
sorry.

I was discussing my sister's preganacy with my mom. Well, it turned into something other than discussion.
She wants my sister to have a c-section, so she doesn't have to go through the pain of labor.

Also, doesn't want her to breastfeed so her breasts don't sag.

I told her that she WILL have pain after a c-section & a longer recovery time. Why go through something you don't need.... I told her that breastfeeding is so much better for the baby. Went into the reasons why it's better. Well, she got upset with me. It happens if I don't agree with her & I told her that it's up to my sis, it's her labor, birth & her body. Her breasts won't go south if she wears a good support bra. And so on...

Here's the good part. She lectured me on going for my MCATS for med school. After I told her that I was to become certified as a Birth Doula. And with the thought of going into midwife school...

My sis told her yesterday that she wants me to be her labor support & even told me that I can use her for one of my cerification births. Her husband leaves for Iraq next month & they just got married in September. She's going on her 6th week of being prego. So, I'm flying back to Oklahoma to help her out. I almost have her pregnancy package ready to send to her. I got her one of the books that's required for DONA cerification along with 2 others I had got from my last pregnancy. And plan on sending her more too. I told her that she's gonna be reading a lot. Plus, my mom will read them too!

I'm the one they call if they have medical questions. I told her "Knowledge Is Power".

Anyway, everyone couldn't believe that my mom would want her to go through something she doesn't need. Hopefully not!
Okay I'm done venting now... Thankx for listening...

1stimestar · 10-25-2005, 01:00 AM

Give her facts. You can get some good ones from ICAN. Also, breasts don't sag from breastfeeding, they sag from pregnancy. Point out to her that breastfeeding protects her AND her baby from breast cancer, cervical cancer, uterine cancer. Use the language too. We don't say, breathing on our own is so much better then being on oxygen. We say being on oxygen is so terrible. So we need to speak of breastfeeding as the norm and formula being inferior to THAT. Just as breathing on our own is the norm.

10-25-2005, 01:59 AM

Thankx Georganne~
I think that with the more my mom is informed, it'll be easier. I think it's cause she has issues with her own breasts. She breastfeed both of us & her breasts look bad. Lack of knowing... I made me feel bad, because she brought up med school again. I would never be able to see my family for around 8 yrs. lol My husband just shool his head & told me that she needs to be more informed. And that she'll be fine once I do that.

BTW, I am so sorry that I posted my rant on here. Should have put in the Coffee section.

1stimestar · 10-25-2005, 03:10 AM

Hey, doulas support each other too. It's what we do.

Tiffany · 10-25-2005, 09:49 AM

No, your rant is fine here. Your vent is doula and birth related, it goes here!

Like you, it amazes me what people think when they really have no idea. Uneducated assumptions that people stick by so stubbornly. Makes me scratch my head sometimes.

I think you are doing a wonderful thing by helping to educate the both of them! I'm glad your sister is willing and receptive.

raspberrymoondoula · 10-25-2005, 02:26 PM

and actually breasts dont evne sag specifically from pregnancy, they sag from HEREDITY, so if moms got saggy boobs you can argue its her fault lol

motherwise · 10-25-2005, 08:49 PM

A woman is three times more likely to die during a c-section than a vaginal birth. That is a fact. I mean, I am usually not into scare tactics, but that might do it.

10-26-2005, 01:12 AM

Thankx Ladies....

It's kinda catch22 with me. Family will drive ya crazy. Things are somewhat smoothed out. My mom was not able to have us, she had to have c-sections. Her pelvis is too small to pass babies. I had an emergency c-section with my first kiddo. I was very young when I had my first. Barely 19 yrs old. My last kiddo was VBAC. lol Very funny story with that one. I also have fibrocystic breasts which are hereditary & yep we all have lumpy breasts.

My sister has scoliosis & she's nervous that it'll be more painful or that she won't be able to deliver normally. She's a trooper tho, told me that she's gonna try her hardest to labor & give birth. That fear is what my mom has. She's very protective over us... And doesn't want us to go through what she went through with me. It was a bad labor they had to rush her to another hospital to do her c-section. She had flashbacks when I went through my horrid experience with my dd.

They'll both be so well informed & the fear will be less. I also have training in surgical technology. So, I know both sides of the road...

Thankx for all of your comments, I just needed to release it. I needed to know I wasn't being stubborn. lol My friends & my husband agree that she was just being overly cautious...

delilahdr · 10-26-2005, 07:53 AM

If your mom's mind is open at ALL, they might be eye-opening...

YAY for getting to doula your sister! My sis and BIL are about to start TTC next year... they anticipate there may be problems, so I hope and pray I will get the chance to doula my sis too! What a blessing you will be to your sis- and also to your mom, if her mind is able to be opened to see that birth can be beautiful!

BTW, over the last ~6 years I have made a dent in my mom's opinion. She used to be quite the scaremonger, but she is doing much better now in "getting" what birth can/should be like, and thinks what I am doing is important and valuable!!! (A nice change from thinking I was deluded and/or crazy and/or wasting my life! LOL) My MIL still thinks I am whacked though. LOL

Babies_Bellies_Boobies · 10-26-2005, 03:46 PM

hoping your sis's labor and birth go smoothly

and that your mom'll come around

lol my breasts were saggy wayyyyyyy before i even got preggy with #1

10-26-2005, 04:06 PM

Delilah~
My mom is a very open person about a lot of things. I think birth with her has not been a good thing. And I understand why too. The more she knows the easier for her to accept it.

She was let down that I wouldn't be delivering the babies. LOL I told her midwives do that.

She'll be fine, she does this as a defense thing. Plus, she's bi-polar so we have to let her absorb everything. My MIL has always supported me. She's a lovely woman. Even when my mom wasn't there for me. She knew I needed a mom.

Plus, she does think I'm crazy but in a good funny way... LOL

1stimestar · 10-27-2005, 01:50 AM

I not only have scoliosis but also was in a car accident 2 years before kids that dislocated my pelvis, tore the ligaments loose that holds it in place and had over a year of recovery. I had a 9 lb 2 oz baby and a 9 lbs baby. With my first one, they were concerned about my pelvis but that baby just came right out. First one was induced 11 days post partum due to severe pre eclampsia, no pain medication. Second born at home and was a lovely birth. It's ok.

tlcdoula · 10-30-2005, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willow01

Anyway, everyone couldn't believe that my mom would want her to go through something she doesn't need. Hopefully not!
Okay I'm done venting now... Thankx for listening...

My mom is pretty much the same way, and truthfully I have learned that there are just some things that I will not discuss with her and birth and breastfeeding are two of them. Unfortunately breasts sagging has more to do with age than whether you breastfed or not. Tell you mother that I have nursed seven children with my last nursing until she was two years old and my breasts are perkier than my sister and mother who never nursed a child LOL.

As far as your sister goes I would only concern myself with educating her, if she wants your help which is sounds like she does or else she wouldn't have asked

10-31-2005, 01:58 PM

Hi Everyone~

It's been a few days, since I was last on here. I hope everyone is doing well.

My mom is cooled down now. We had a very long talk about everything. I'm sending her some information & she wants to learn more. She's been out of the pregnancy, L&D, breastfeeding loop for a long time. She finds it amazing & unnerving at the same time. We are very close net, so we don't hide things within our family. Being out of this loop caused her to react in a protective manner. Now, she is open & willing to learn everything there is to know.

And how to help my sis throughout her pregnancy, labor & birth, and postpartum. LOL She told me about my birth.

Which I knew most of it, but she went into great detail about everything that happened.
So, she's ready to take this on & preparing herself for the months to come. It wasn't that she wanted my sis to have an c-section, she didn't know that my sister could possibly deliver the baby normal. Like with many women, they need knowledge to enpower themselves.

So, things are now fine. And she's painting my sister's old room....

Pambug · 10-31-2005, 02:14 PM

I'm so glad that she had a change of heart. That's great news!!