Dual Roles At A Birth?

Need2read · 11-16-2005, 10:13 PM

I have a potential client whom I am going to meet at a prenatal appointment on the 29th. I will be meeting her husband, 2 1/2 year old daughter, and her midwives. It got me to thinking of how I will be working with a midwife. It is a homebirth and it is going to be my first birth. So I don't want to come on too strong and steal the midwife's thunder or do too little and not help the momma enough. I also got the impression that she wants me to be there to comfort her daughter (because she will be present) and I am not sure how I should incorporate my training if the dad and I will basically be sort of be making sure daughter is okay and mom is okay. Would it be my primary goal to make sure 1) Mom is comfortable and 2) to focus on the toddler which essentially would comfort mom but lifting a "burden" (I say burden meaning not having to really focus on anything but the labor)

thanks for the advice!

heathenmamaof5 · 11-16-2005, 11:03 PM

Cortney,

I did a homeburth last year with a mom from my kids school. She is a single mom with 2 other children. They were 7(g) and 12(b) at the time of the birth.

So I walked in and noticed the kids were at loose ends. I Doula'd for the kids. It worked out perfectly! I kept the kids entertained by playing backgammon and Uno. When they got anxious I explained what was happening and why. When the baby was born I helped the kids with the drama of it all. It was a beuatiful 2 time cesarean VBAC.

I also helped the midwifes by doing things they needed. A cup of tea, move the laundry, make cheese and crackers, ask if there's anything they need.

My advice would be to flat out ask who will be responsible for the toddler.

OK, gotta run. Jeffrey is having a fit!

Blessings,

Jill

tlcdoula · 11-16-2005, 11:28 PM

Personally I would sit down with mom, midwife and anyone else that is there and clarify your role. Are you there more for mom or more for the child? If mom wants you there more for the child are you comfortable with that?

Also you will find that homebirths are much different then hospital births. At home births you typically do so much less than you would at a hospital birth. When I was at my friends homebirth (she is a doula too) I pretty much was there to talk to her, keep her company, hold her hand, and I massaged her back a little bit. It was very hands off and comfortable.

1stimestar · 11-17-2005, 07:17 PM

In my opinion and from what I have seen, a child of that age needs to have someone SPECIFICALLY for her. Someone needs to be there to take the child out for a walk if she gets upset because she can't go sit on mamma's lap. I think they could hire a babysitter to come stay with her without having to pay the full price of a doula if that is what they want you to do. If I am hired as a doula, I am not a babysitter and personally wouldn't take the job is that is all they wanted from me. Not that it isn't an important job. How could you be a doula with the care of the mother's emotional and phyiscal comfort if you are entertaining a baby? I would definatly get clarification on what it is they want from you. Just because a midwife is there does not mean that she doesn't also need a doula. The midwife MUST still be concerned with her and the baby's physical health. So really, it just depends. Some of us would be comfortable with what this sounds like and some of us would not. Do you know which you are? Good luck.

Need2read · 11-17-2005, 07:59 PM

Well currently I am working on my training and I am free money-wise anyway (by choice) She offered to pay me since the birth would also involve such a small child but I really just want to be able to tell future clients that I have been to a birth, experience a homebirth and work with the midwives in my area. Even if my role isn't exactly super hands on I think this would work out for me at least to gain experience purely by being at a birth.

Because the closest I have gotten thus far to a birth is a friend of mine letting watch her birth video while I housesat for her.

heathenmamaof5 · 11-17-2005, 11:36 PM

Cortney,

I REALLY enjoyed my experience of "Doulaing" for the kids. In fact I want to somehow advertise that fact. If you're comfortable being the 2 1/2 year olds Doula then go for it!

I think we can Doula for many different events in life. Wouldn't it be nice to have a Doula for death? Or if your child gets gravely ill. Or when a family member is on life support in ICU or has brain surgery? There are many ways to be a Doula.

Just be aware that your the childs Doula. You make the experience all it can be for the child.

Just my

Blessings,

Jill

I'm posting this before I change my mind. Sometimes I can be a bit outspoken. Sometimes I regret it later.

1stimestar · 11-18-2005, 01:19 AM

LOL Jill. That wasn't bad at all. And like I said, some/you would/was be ok with it. I wouldn't be. Isn't it a nice thing that there are enough differences out there in doulas that women can get what they are looking for. Personally if I was at a birth I would find it extremely difficult not to be helping the mom and dad. I am SOOOO not a babysitter type anyway. So, that doesn't work for me. I would certainly be clear on what the parents expectations are though. It would be terrible if they expected you to doula the mom AND take care of the child. You can't fully do both at the same time.

DL · 11-18-2005, 02:24 AM

There are some labor/birth doulas in my area who also offer different doula services, along with the traditional labor/birth doula-ing that we're most accustomed to. One of those services is what they call "Sibling Doula". I, myself, don't feel drawn to be a "sibling doula"; but if you are curious as to how they do it as an official doula service, here is a website as an example.

http://4adoula.com/serv02.htm ...Scroll to bottom