Unsure of myself as a Doula

Need2read · 01-04-2006, 08:27 PM

I am the Doula for a Second time momma * The best family ever! *

I hadn't realized just how nervous I was until today when she officially reached her 37week mark (which means she gets the home birth she wants) yay! I am just feeling very unsure of myself as a Doula. I feel a bit like I have forgotten everything I learned! Which is of course untrue...

I am just feeling a bit lost. I know that it is just a situation that you gradually move into with mom. Kind of like we're taking that labor journey with her.

I'm not really sure if I am asking a question here or more of just explaining how I feel. Maybe it is just my nerves.

My friend had her baby in December, and I spoke to her a few hours before she was to be induced. She is my age and I felt like she might be more comfortable talking to me because we're friends, and also the same age. I was being really supportive and telling her that she has the ability to birth her baby, her body is made to do it, etc. I said, "if you have any questions and don't want to talk to your doctor you can always ask me." (her doctor emotionally and verbally abused my friend saying awful things to her) To which she replied, "well you've never been pregnant and had a baby so it's not like you really know."

I know this was not mean't to hurt me, that is what she felt. That is fine, I didn't confront her or tell her how it made me feel. I just kind of brushed it off. The truth is I suppose I am feeling a lack of confidence about myself because I have never seen a birth beyond in birth video's and I have never had my own child. I feel like there is this club, this group of special women I will not be apart of until I have my own baby. This doesn't make me want to have a child now, but I suppose just manifests itself into feelings of doubt in myself.

wow. so I guess that is what I needed to get out.

Maybe I'm just emotional because AF is comin soon.

In any case thanks for listening to me ramble.

moncton doula · 01-04-2006, 08:41 PM

hmmmmm, a male doctor certainly hasn't experienced birth themselves...but it doesn't mean that they don't have valid knowlege to share. Just a thought.

Kalamazoo Doula · 01-04-2006, 08:59 PM

Here Here! I second that! What is the deal with some women in our society thinking that OBs are GODS? Or is it because that is the air that the doctors put on, so it is what is concieved?

Well, Courtney, I wish you luck with your upcoming birth! I have not yet been able to support a momma for a homebirth, so I'm a bit envouse! Keep us updated!

DL · 01-04-2006, 09:57 PM

How exciting, Cortney!!!!! I also have a client due around that time (EDD Jan. 24).

The self-doubt and nervousness is NORMAL! Once you are with her, your doula-gift will start doin' it's thing and it'll just flow from you!

Just like you tell Moms that they CAN birth their babies and to believe in themselves....tell yourself that you CAN support Mom in the way that she needs, and believe in YOURSELF! You'll be great!

About you not having birthed a babe yet..... MANY wonderful Drs, Midwives, Nurses, and Doulas haven't had a baby (some are men, so you know they never will!). I have a CNM friend who is really great. She attended births for over 5 years before she was married and had a baby herself! That fact sure didn't hinder how gifted she was at being a Midwife. Neither will it YOU! You can do this, and the more births you attend, the more confidence you'll feel about all of this.

Need2read · 01-05-2006, 12:46 AM

Lori I really appreciate your encouragement. I guess I knew that already, but I think for some people it is just a matter of being reminded. haha

Quote:

Originally Posted by moncton doula

hmmmmm, a male doctor certainly hasn't experienced birth themselves...but it doesn't mean that they don't have valid knowlege to share. Just a thought.

I in know way mean't that doctors don't offer great information. In my friends case I was not offering medical advice it was more of a comfort type things and questions I could answer like certain med's and their pro's con's.

The only reason I offered is because her doctor said things like "oh I bet you don't even know the father's name" and he actually called her a baby when she cried during a vaginal exam. So, in her case I offered being able to talk to me because after that treatment talking about her feeling scared with him probably wouldn't have even happened.

I'm just clarifying because there is a reason I suggested that, I wasn't implying that women shouldn't speak with their caregiver. I just knew her situation.

susan1 · 01-05-2006, 12:50 AM

Lori and Cortney do you think the moms can wait till my birthday. ..

my birthday on the 26th...well I guess they can't...or maybe they will.

Well just remember Cortney you can do this. And don't feel bad a lot of midwives and nurses have not given "Birth" and they help moms all the time with care....and you will be too. We all believe in you.

Best wishes to you.
Susan

Need2read · 01-05-2006, 01:46 AM

aww! Thanks so much. I really appreciate your support, hehe. The supporters must be supported, eh?

I really do appreciate the encouragement. I think I am also looking forward to her birth because I know that once it is over with I will feel much better. haha, What I mean is...I think I will feel much more confident in my skills once I have been through my initial birth as a Doula. Mom is just fine being

preggo, and here I am anxious for that baby to come!

I just know it will be beautiful.

Thanks for the pep talk girls!

moncton doula · 01-05-2006, 12:12 PM

courtney, regarding my reply i meant that it was funny that your friend wouldn't think YOU had valid advice/listening skills just because you hadn't given birth...but perhaps would listen to a doc who hadn't. Lori did a much better job saying what i was (obviously not very well) trying to say.
I had allready had one baby when I supported my first client and I felt like "am I really gonna be any use to her?" until after the fact.
It's too bad your friend didn't take you up on your offer to talk because it sounds like she didn't have much of a doctor.
Sorry that i didn't clarify myself enough!
Liz

tlcdoula · 01-05-2006, 01:51 PM

I know the first birth can make you nervous, but just remember that there have been studies done where they have shown that just the presence of another woman has made for a better birth outcome. So, even if you come away from this birth thinking "I could have done....." or "I should have done...." Look at it as a learning experience (which every birth still is for me) and know that just your sheer presence will make it better for this mama.

As far as your friend's comment I would have to agree - was her doctor male? If so, he hasn't given birth or been pregnant either. That is something I never could understand.

Tashina Marker · 01-05-2006, 04:23 PM

Hello Courtney,
I know exactly how you feel! On my 1st birth as a doula I was soooo nervous.I had questions running through my mind like " will I remember everything ?", will I be what she needs me to be?", " will I be able to help the dad be involved in the birth as much as possible?", " will I remember all my training?"," will I understand what she is trying to convey to me?" ," will I be a good advocate for her birth?" ," what will I do if I have to deal with a difficult staff member or DR ?"& sooooo many other questions they are never ending.

Courtney just take a deep breath in & then slowly out,because believe it or not it it only took me 30 mins to get into action.You just observe & get the feeling for what's going on & you just amazingly melt right in as if you were there the whole time.You just KNOW what to do ,call it adapting,instict,intiuition ect... all I can say is you'll know what to do when you need to do it when the time comes.

The 1st couple I doula-ed for said before I walked out of the hospital 2 hrs after baby Dilan was born " you were everything we needed" & that completed ( not to boast or anything like that) what I call a wonderful night

So really there's not much you can do to prepare yourself for that 1st birth than what you already have.You've been trained,you've read books & watched videos & listened to other's advice & stories ,now just relax & wait for this truly magnificent,amazing & wow event.& I might mention an always remembered event

You'll be WONDERFUL! Believe in yourself I know YOU can do it!

Oh & one more thing I don't have any children yet either,but like Lori said that doesn't hinder your ability as a woman & doula to provide support.I have had people tell me that they thought being 19 was to young & that I had little experience & no children so they would not use me as there doula.But I told you once before there's the other side of the coin .& there are more people than not that would GLADLY have you as there doula & don't care about the above issues.I had a 26 yr old RN for my last client.& I was nervous because I thought I oh no she knows sooo much more than me & &..... & I found out it didn't matter

So again don't worry about ,You'll be great!

Take care & if you ever want to talk I'm here.