Left hanging...

fearlessbirth · 08-07-2006, 02:03 PM

I just wanted to mention something that I just realized I am feeling. The last 2 births that I've supported both ended in cesareans (that I wasn't present for). Each time it left me feeling a little crazy

. Like, all this hard work and so...anticlimactic (sp) I guess. Just strange...like we're all working so hard all day and then...nothing. Yes, eventually a baby does come down a long hallway with the baby nurse and mom comes a while later and all is well and good and happy but I really miss the actual BIRTH part of it all. (I'm sure you all can relate to what I'm talking about). You know the mom working hard...pushing baby out...seeing baby for the first time...all that release and happiness and LOVE! Ugh. I need some of that. And I feel awful feeling like my last 2 births weren't 'good enough'. Lol But really, can I see a baby be born sometime soon? Lol

Just venting...

Luv2bemommy · 08-07-2006, 02:23 PM

{{huggsss}}

I can totally see where you are coming from!! Don't feel bad about it, you did an amazing job as her doula and I am sure she benefited from it!!! I will pray that your next birth is FULL of happiness, babies and LOVE!!

fearlessbirth · 08-07-2006, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luv2bemommy

{{huggsss}}

I can totally see where you are coming from!! Don't feel bad about it, you did an amazing job as her doula and I am sure she benefited from it!!! I will pray that your next birth is FULL of happiness, babies and LOVE!!

Thanks!

I just feel so..blah! Like we're going up up up up, waiting for this HIGH and then...crash. Nothing. Lol Not to say I'm not super glad mom and baby are fine and mom is pleased with experience and baby is nursing heartily and family is happy, etc. I do love all that. It's just been missing that one moment when that baby comes into the world

MindOverLaborDoulas · 08-07-2006, 02:35 PM

I have wondered how I will act when I have a client have a c/s. I

that if it happens that we are at our local hosp that way Sarah and I can both go in and not count against mama's alotted number.
I'm sure that I will feel very jealous that I missed the birth. Not to put words in your mouth, *I* will be jealous when there is a c/s for one of my clients. I work so hard I want to see the outcome too. kwim

DL · 08-07-2006, 02:50 PM

BTDT twice so far!!! It is a very normal feeling that you're having. Being a Doula is very sacrificial work, and many times we have to dismiss our disappointments while with the family...only to face them later as we process everything. I know it's quite a let-down. I, too, hope that you have another vaginal birth soon! You will!

jesscardona · 08-07-2006, 04:53 PM

They wouldn't let you in the OR room? or did the mom not ask?

fearlessbirth · 08-07-2006, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesscardona

They wouldn't let you in the OR room? or did the mom not ask?

The first one was an emergency and NO ONE was allowed back with mom (which was especially sad) but I understood. This time around she had written in her birth plan that dp would accompany her if need be, although she honestly never thought she'd see the inside of the OR. She didn't ask about me going in but I think it was just assumed that I wouldn't be allowed in.

tlcdoula · 08-07-2006, 06:26 PM

Sending big hugs. I can't imagine not having that opportunity and having two births in a row end both being cesarean births. I know that is so hard, but it will happen.

Have you considered asking if you can go in with the cesarean mamas? I have been able to go in with a few of them and it might be beneficial to have the mamas ask their docs while they are still pregnant. (Kind of like them saying "if I have a cesarean can my doula be present?" or put it in their birth plan).

tlcdoula · 08-07-2006, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MindOverLaborDoulas

I have wondered how I will act when I have a client have a c/s. I

that if it happens that we are at our local hosp that way Sarah and I can both go in and not count against mama's alotted number.
I'm sure that I will feel very jealous that I missed the birth. Not to put words in your mouth, *I* will be jealous when there is a c/s for one of my clients. I work so hard I want to see the outcome too. kwim

Wow, you are lucky - both of you would get to go in? How did you work that out?

nocomparta · 08-07-2006, 06:31 PM

AWWW Cathy, I know that feeling. The client of mine that had the cesarean did manage to squeeze me into the delivery, but I was so shocked at the surgery part of the birth, it didn't feel like a baby was delivered. I hope you get to see a baby born without taking a detour real soon.

MindOverLaborDoulas · 08-07-2006, 07:49 PM

Michelle~
Since we have gotten close to our MW and OBs, plus all of the nurses love us. It's nice since they have seen how we can benefit the mamas so they know that we are worthy.

dorothyh · 08-10-2006, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fearlessbirth

You know the mom working hard...pushing baby out...seeing baby for the first time...all that release and happiness and LOVE! Ugh. I need some of that. And I feel awful feeling like my last 2 births weren't 'good enough'. Lol But really, can I see a baby be born sometime soon? Lol

Just venting...

Oh I know what you mean - last winter I had a run of FIVE cesarean births in a row....very frustrating, and I was starting to wonder if babies were still being born vaginally these days...

But the moms having a cesarean birth in some ways, needs that doula to have been there. You can help her process her birth, help make it a positive memory. One of the cesarean births I had was a mom attempting a VBAC - it was not successful. When it became clear that she needed a cesarean, we were able to talk about what she wanted to be different than with her first, and discuss w/her dr and the anesthesiologist some things that could be done differently to make it more positive for her. She felt like she was part of the decision-making, and that her wishes were respected. I was sad that the VBAC was not a success, but I was glad that I was able to help make it a more positive memory for her.

Right now I'm on a great run of births - five totally unmedicated non-interventive (not even an IV) hospital births in a row - it makes up for last winter!!!

RosyDoula · 08-10-2006, 01:43 AM

You did your best under the circumstances.

fearlessbirth · 08-10-2006, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dorothyh

Right now I'm on a great run of births - five totally unmedicated non-interventive (not even an IV) hospital births in a row - it makes up for last winter!!!

WOW!! That's amazing!

Jilian · 08-10-2006, 10:56 AM

It's hard when one of your mamas has a c-section. My first client had a last minute emergency c-section and it broke my heart. She hired me at 3 mos preg and we became good friends. She is a really natural mama and really wanted a natural birth. When she started pushing her OB checked and the baby had flipped to breech

Then everything got chaotic and an emergency c-section followed.

It broke my heart because I know how upset she was about it. I remember wiping her tears away as she was wheeled into the OR, then crying some tears of my own shortly after.

Just remember that it has nothing to do with you or your doula-abilities. All you can do is be as supportive as possible and help her through the healing process.