Oh and something else that happened today...

scarborogal · 08-12-2006, 07:55 PM

A client I have in December came to my yard sale and OH MY STARS. She is freakin' crazy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

She tells me her boyfriend has a wife, and other girlfriends and other kids, and has given her Clamidya (sp?) She went on an antibiotic but kept telling me horrible things her bf has been saying to her. She said he wasn't violent but I'll tell ya, I'm not sure I want to be involved in this girls mess.
AHHHH

And does anyone know how the STD is going to affect her birth or her baby?

Yikes! I'm secretly praying she moves back to her home town before the baby is born. How horrible!

K.

MyDoulaStacia · 08-12-2006, 08:12 PM

Is she a free client?
Did she sign a contract already?
That does sound like it would be hard to bond with her.
However if you feel you can effectively educate her it might be worth being a good role model in her life. It's a hard call.

Kalamazoo Doula · 08-12-2006, 08:20 PM

Wow, what a mess! This sounds like something that could get ugly! I would just get the numbers to some places that she could call if it does end up getting violent. There really is not much you can do on that case, with out getting too involved!

This is really tough!

RosyDoula · 08-12-2006, 08:35 PM

Maybe her telling you this is kind of her way of asking for help.

tlcdoula · 08-12-2006, 09:15 PM

I would also wonder if she is a free client? Did you sign a contract? If you are feeling totally uncomfortable you could always tell her you can't do it.

nocomparta · 08-12-2006, 10:47 PM

TWO WORDS:

TRIPLE GLOVES!

MindOverLaborDoulas · 08-12-2006, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaVal

TWO WORDS:

TRIPLE GLOVES!

As always...

!!

jesscardona · 08-12-2006, 11:04 PM

Well, the first thing I was going to say was what Val just said!! please...
and hey, you never know how you can end up helping this girl.. of course you be careful and all.. and give all the resources you can if that is what you want to do..

scarborogal · 08-13-2006, 10:07 AM

Yikes, how did I get into this mess. Yes she if free and no she hasn't signed a contract yet.

Amanda, do you know of any resources you can point me too? She is going through Sage Femme which I thought would be good for her but she is upset with them too. She isn't connecting with her Midwife.

Quite frankly I'm afraid to have a prenatal at her place and I don't want her in my house. Grrr!

K.

tlcdoula · 08-13-2006, 11:13 AM

If you are afraid to go to her house could you meet her in public somewhere?

Honestly if you do not feel comfortable with this situation and do not feel you can serve her needs I would refer her to someone else or tell her that you do not feel you will be a good match with her. Reason for this is because you cannot serve someone if you are feeling this tense apprehension - it will come out in how you feel later on. Unless you can remove those feelings.

It is hard - I have been in similar situations and it is a hard call to make.

Luv2bemommy · 08-13-2006, 11:42 AM

yikes!!!!!!!!!

doula Michele · 08-13-2006, 11:47 AM

I'd say the girl needs help..and if you can't help her, tryto find her resources that can.
If it was me, i would take her on..but set clear boundries.

Michele

Stacie · 08-14-2006, 08:13 PM

I am curious if any of you out there had clients who were, uh, less-than? Don't want to say crazy, but clients that in hindsight you would have said no to rather than yes if you could have used a crystal ball.

What signs were there?

I have a few hard and fast rules I follow, after having a completely crazy client go a little wacko during birth.

1) When the first phone call comes as a panic, beware! I thought I was helping this woman learn more about a problem whiched recently arrived, but really, this was more or her method of operation -- it was the first of many times I helped her out of a mental-crisis!

2) When she feels she knows more than her care practitioners, or she feels they are keeping or hiding information from her. This turned out to be the first hint of real trust issues. If she cannot trust her care-team, more than likely, she has a problem trusting herself.

Those are my big two. I have more, but that's all I can share at this moment. Anyone have anything else to add?

AmandaB · 08-14-2006, 09:18 PM

I have only had one client that in hindsight I shouldn't have taken, but at the time money was tight and we needed me to take the job.

The first incling that something was afoot was that her hubby left the interview to buy smokes (not that that was the issue, but he left!)

When we did the prenatals the husband questions everything I said. I said exert your right to a deserving birth and he would say "we will do whatever the doctors tells us is the right thing."

She wanted an Epidural as soon as she walked into the hospital, not that I am against meds, but atleast get things going before you cut it off!!!

Once they called me to labour, I arrived and then I waited. I laboureed with them for 17hrs and they did not speak to me almost the entire time. The only time they spoke was to yell at me! "Stand over there! Don't stand so close to me! Don't look at me like that! Don't look down there (that was during the pushing stage)!" And the thing that got me really upset was when I tried to help her shift position after the epi, I gently held the epi line in my open palm. Dad got up from his chair in the corner and leaned over his wife and shouted "Those are attached you know!" I sulked back to the corner and in my mind begged to go home.

That was a client I wish I hadn't taken. All can say is when you intreview with clients is it as much as a fit with you as a fit with them to you. You should not just settle for anyone and if the feeling isn't right in your gut then you should back off graciously. My 2 cents. Again.

Stacie · 08-14-2006, 09:20 PM

"That was a client I wish I hadn't taken. All can say is when you intreview with clients is it as much as a fit with you as a fit with them to you. You should not just settle for anyone and if the feeling isn't right in your gut then you should back off graciously. My 2 cents. Again."

YES!