Prenatals and a blended family

teachinmamaof4 · 08-17-2006, 12:46 PM

I thought about this while drying my hair a bit ago.

I have this first prenatal tonight. The dh has a son from his first marriage, IIRC Mom has a dd from her first marriage, this is their first baby together.

Of course I'm going to get her birth history and details from her. Would it also be wise to ask him about his ds' birth? I was thinking that would help me get a glimpse into how he's approaching this birth.

~Tranquility~Doula · 08-17-2006, 12:48 PM

That sounds like a good idea. You can ask him what his prior experience with birth was like.

AussieDoula · 08-17-2006, 12:53 PM

Heather, sometimes I wonder why you ask for advice since you seem to have a great grasp on your intuition and have fantastic Doula-senses!

Asking her DP about his son's birth is a fantastic idea and you should be really proud that you thought of doing it!

You were made for Doula-ing!

teachinmamaof4 · 08-17-2006, 01:18 PM

I'm just SO nervous about all this. It seems so surreal that it's actually happening!

fearlessbirth · 08-17-2006, 01:22 PM

Yes!

My last client's dp has a son from a previous marriage and we were talking one night and I asked about HIS experiences with birth. It was really eye-opening...answered a lot of questions about why things were the way they were and really helped me be a better doula for them

MindOverLaborDoulas · 08-17-2006, 02:42 PM

Oh absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Justin already had Connor and I already had Isaac. When we had Mallory it was a new ballgame for us both! C had been a failed Pit ending in c/s. Isaac was great, but Pit augmentation.
Plus, I was serious about breastfeeding again- something that he didn't understand cause C's mom was not at all into being healthy while you are pregnant and whatnot (he now has asthma thanks to that..).
He had certain ideas while I had the way that I wanted to repeat things and change certain things going into it. We should have had a damn Doula!!

tlcdoula · 08-17-2006, 04:50 PM

I would definitely ask about his experiences as well as hers. I once had a client that I later found out the dh had a child that passed away during the birth process. I don't even know how that came out, but it did and thank goodness it did because although I don't know what happened with his first wife and their first child which was a son it helped me know how to handle the shoulder dystocia that occurred with his first son with this wife (he had a daughter from the first wife that was living). It was so traumatic for him and it was nice that I knew his experiences so I could halt his fears and comfort him immediately.

DL · 08-17-2006, 08:16 PM

I agree with Aussie, Heather...you really do seem to have great intuition!

To anwer your question (and it's the same as the others), yes, it's a great idea to ask about his experiences with birth. I have done this with blended families, myself. You are such a good doula, and don't you ever forget it!