Have you ever been asked to leave?

Tiffany · 08-24-2005, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bree

I am a new doula and assisted in my first birth on 8/16/05. This was the Mom's third child and she had fast labors with the other 2 and this one proved no different. I arrived at 6:30pm (right during nurse's shift change) and introduced myself to the nurse as ****'s doula. She just stared at me like I was crazy. I went ahead and continued working with my client and the nurse came in like four times in less than a two hour period. I had **** walking and sitting upright in the butterfly position (these where the most comfy for mom). The midwife came to check **** and was actually upset that she had been walking and that she had to take off her undies. She ended up feeling the urge to push about 9:06pm. Someone had run to get the nurse while I was panting with **** so she wouldn't push until at least the nurse got there. When the nurse got there she yelled at me "What your doing is not working, go sit". ****'s contractions were so strong (she had been induced and the pit was still running) that the baby's head was out before the midwife had her gloves on. I don't think she even pushed at all. The baby was born at 9:11pm. After the birth, I was told to leave by the midwife because "*** was uncomfortable having me there and I was in the way". She actually told me that. I was so upset that I did as I was told and waited outside the door until they finished up in the room. I was so dissapointed. I called my mentor and told her what happened & she was fuming!!!!!!!!!! My mentor told me since **** gave birth at a Family Birthing Center (conected to a hospital), it is the Mom's choice who leaves & stays during a complication-free birth.
Anyways, I went in after I was told I could go back in & **** asked me "Where did you go?" She wanted me there, but with all the commotion wasn't listening to what was going on. I didn't want to cause a scene so I did what I was told. **** told me that she wa so glad I was there & that I really helped her during her very fast, very intense labor. I loved being there for her, but I am discouraged by the way I was treated by the midwife & the RN.
I have 2 more clients due this month & I hope that I am treated better than I was at my first birth.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent!

Bree's reply got me thinking... has anyone ever been asked to leave the birthing room by a doctor or nurse? Or at any other time? What was the reason? Did you think it was justified?

tlcdoula · 08-24-2005, 03:21 PM

I have never been asked to leave and if I was I wouldn't leave unless I heard it from the mother. I am hired by the mother and am there for her, and no one else can tell me to leave.

I did have one mother though hire me who wasn't sure if she wanted me at the birth or not. She hired me for prenatals because she was going for a VBAC and when the time came for her to go into labor she called me and asked me to come to the hospital but asked me to wait in the family waiting area. It felt so strange, but I stayed there and came in for a few minutes whenever she wanted me and then left when she asked me to.

Matrescence · 08-24-2005, 04:58 PM

Yes, I've been asked to step out while an epidural was being placed twice (same hospital). Both times the mom was okay with it because we had a chance before the anesthesiologist got there to talk about what was going to go on and ways the partner could help through the procedure so it wasn't a big deal.

Kim Trower · 08-24-2005, 06:23 PM

I am with Michelle...I would never leave. I wouldn't even respond to them..I would turn to my client and say...It is your right to have me in this room with you as there are no complications or emergencies going on. Would you like me to stay or wait outside?

~Tranquility~Doula · 08-25-2005, 12:11 PM

Like LeAnne, I've been asked to step out, along with the father, while an epidural was bring placed. Other than that, I haven't. I do have a client that is due very soon that may want me to step out of the room soon after the baby is born so she can be alone with her husband and the baby. So when the baby is born I plan on asking her if she would like to me step out for a bit.

AussieDoula · 06-12-2006, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tlcdoula

I have never been asked to leave and if I was I wouldn't leave unless I heard it from the mother. I am hired by the mother and am there for her, and no one else can tell me to leave.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim Trower

I would turn to my client and say...It is your right to have me in this room with you as there are no complications or emergencies going on. Would you like me to stay or wait outside?

I absolutely agree!

1stimestar · 06-12-2006, 02:57 AM

While you might not like it and it really can be a terrible experience, you can not stay if you are told to go. If the MOTHER demands that you stay, then the care provider may change their mind and let you. But it is their hospital and they make the rules. Talk to your clients about this before hand. Some nurse will kick every one out of the room for vaginal exams. Normally I just say "oh, I'm her doula." and stay and it has never been a problem. If the nurse doesn't know me, and most of them do, then they normally assume I am the birthing women's mother! Gads I feel old sometimes.

susan1 · 06-12-2006, 08:59 AM

I have been ask to step out or the room once while the mom was getting her epidural...and another time I had to step out because the mom had a epidural question and the anesthesiologist ask me to step out.

fearlessbirth · 06-12-2006, 09:57 AM

At my second birth (the crazy one I did the really long post on) the doctor insisted that EVERYONE leave the room. Even when this young girl was saying 'but she's my doula...I want her in here!' he'd still make us all leave. It was insane. And, no, it wasn't justified because he did this everytime he came in to check her AND when the baby was actually being born. It was infuriating but as a new doula I wasn't sure of what to say or do. After that experience I think it's helped me to be more assertive. I keep thinking back to what I coulda/shoulda done but in those moments it was so unbelievable I didn't know WHAT to do! Hopefully it won't ever happen like that again!

nocomparta · 06-12-2006, 11:39 AM

I have been asked to leave the room during an epidural or vag check, and I always turn to mom and ask them what they would like me to do. If Mom says stay, then I stay and the staff has been ok with that so far, but sometimes Mom just says, yeah go ahead and take a bathroom break or whatever. I've never been asked to leave during a birth.

MindOverLaborDoulas · 06-12-2006, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fearlessbirth

At my second birth (the crazy one I did the really long post on) the doctor insisted that EVERYONE leave the room. Even when this young girl was saying 'but she's my doula...I want her in here!' he'd still make us all leave. It was insane. And, no, it wasn't justified because he did this everytime he came in to check her AND when the baby was actually being born. It was infuriating but as a new doula I wasn't sure of what to say or do. After that experience I think it's helped me to be more assertive. I keep thinking back to what I coulda/shoulda done but in those moments it was so unbelievable I didn't know WHAT to do! Hopefully it won't ever happen like that again!

I think that we all remember the birth that I just had a couple of weeks ago.. I even remembered this thread and thinking that there was no way in hell that someone would make me leave! But when it came down to it, I did leave and I have learned my lesson. Just like you (above quote) I can now see myself being very assertive from now on!

tlcdoula · 06-12-2006, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar

While you might not like it and it really can be a terrible experience, you can not stay if you are told to go. If the MOTHER demands that you stay, then the care provider may change their mind and let you. But it is their hospital and they make the rules. Talk to your clients about this before hand. Some nurse will kick every one out of the room for vaginal exams. Normally I just say "oh, I'm her doula." and stay and it has never been a problem. If the nurse doesn't know me, and most of them do, then they normally assume I am the birthing women's mother! Gads I feel old sometimes.

Yes the hospital makes the rules but before I willingly walk out I would challenge them and wait for them to call security. In my eyes if my client sees me doing everything I can to stay then she knows that I would NEVER willingly abandon her. I am not saying I would get confrontational and would first try the nice approach but just because someone told me to leave I wouldn't do so.

AbornDoula · 06-13-2006, 12:12 AM

I have never been asked to leave. I doubt that I would even if someone other than the mom asked me to. I would volunteer to stand in a corner and be out of their way, but I wouldn't leave. I usually move either to the very top of the bed, or to a corner of the room when procedures are being done and I'm not needed to comfort the mom in any way. I usually tell her that I will be very close by. I ALWAYS say to the mother that I will NOT leave her unless she asks me to do so. And I say this in front of the nurses, midwives, or OB's. I do this so that they know my committment to the mother, and not to what they are ordering.