Past client processing her c-section birth

[Jilian]

I just got an e-mail from my first client who is just now starting to process her c-section birth (her baby is 8 mos old). She had a natural birth all the way up until it was time to push. She pushed once, OB examined her, baby was found to be breech, emergency c-section followed. I guess the baby turned during labor because she was head-down when my client arrived at the hospital.

This client desperately wanted a natural birth. She did all the research, made all the right decisions, and still ended up with a c-section. She e-maied me asking some questions about her birth. She wanted to know what would have happened had she stayed home and birthed. I know she's trying to see if she did anything wrong and it breaks my heart.

I let her know that vaginal breech birth is sometimes possible but it is extremely dangerous to attempt unless you are working with someone who has extensive training in breech vaginal deliveries. I also let her know she did everything right and she had no way of knowing her daughter would turn. I said that maybe her baby turned for a reason. Maybe there was a reason she could not be born vaginally.

My heart breaks for her. She is a strong mama and I'll always have a special place in my heart for her. I've reminded her that VBACs are possible for future births. Is there anything I can do to help her process this better?

[loveslabor]

So sorry. Maybe you can let her know the constuctive reasons why a baby might turn....a better fit in the pelvis, cord compression issues, etc.....

Other than that...I don't know....VBAC info, support group recommendations, reassurance that she did everything just right.

[jesscardona]

if she's still suffering from this.. do you think she's depressed?

[earthgirl]

Rebounding from Childbirth ~toward emotional recovery by Lynn Madsen is a great resource.

[syncreo]

Hi,
How tough. Having had a cesarean myself for a breech baby the one thing I stress with women who are having them is to never forget that she gave birth. Always call it a cesarean birth, never a section, c-section etc. I absolutely hate when people say 'they sectioned her'. She gave birth, yes on an operating table but it was still her birth. This reclaiming of the word birth for a cesareanI have found to be very helpful for women.

Often times what is difficult with a cesarean is the 'what ifs' there aren't too many things she could have done to change the situation. It is the obstetrical world that was the problem because they aren't trained and willing to do vaginal breech births very often anymore (not that I would say that to her).
She didn't fail - she gave birth, albeit a different way than she planned. She will have to take her own journey to find her way to feeling that though.

Cheers, Shawna

[RosyDoula]

"I let her know that vaginal breech birth is sometimes possible but it is extremely dangerous to attempt unless you are working with someone who has extensive training in breech vaginal deliveries."

I don't think thats true. It is slightly more dangerous, but not extremely. OBs don't do breeches vaginally anymore because of their CYA attitude, not for safety. Lots of studies from other countries I've looked at on PubMed have shown that vaginal birth is a safe possibility in some or most cases. Breech babies have more difficulties whether they are born vaginally or by cesarean.

[RosyDoula]

And if anyone wants to see those studies, lemme know.

[Passionate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by syncreo Hi, How tough. Having had a cesarean myself for a breech baby the one thing I stress with women who are having them is to never forget that she gave birth. Always call it a cesarean birth, never a section, c-section etc. I absolutely hate when people say 'they sectioned her'. She gave birth, yes on an operating table but it was still her birth. This reclaiming of the word birth for a cesareanI have found to be very helpful for women.

You might want to check with her before taking this attitude. It royally pisses me off when people tell me "you still gave birth" because to me, I DIDN'T. I call my sections "extractions" because to me, thats what they were. My babies were extracted from me. I have three children but only birthed one. So don't just assume that she wants to feel like this was a birth.

[susan1]

Well I would just ask how she feels and then ask her how she like to feel. I mean a mom whe has had a c-birth still give birth..no matter how the baby come come into this world. A c-birth is not a evil thing. I mean what is the difference between a c-birth and a good epi birth. ...it's still a birth...no matter if a mom felt the pain or not or the mom went though 20 hours instead of 2 hours of labor...it's a birth...a baby come into this world. I would just ask and listen to her feelings. ..and don't judge her feelings ..their her feelings.

[susan1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by syncreo Hi, How tough. Having had a cesarean myself for a breech baby the one thing I stress with women who are having them is to never forget that she gave birth. Always call it a cesarean birth, never a section, c-section etc. I absolutely hate when people say 'they sectioned her'. She gave birth, yes on an operating table but it was still her birth. This reclaiming of the word birth for a cesareanI have found to be very helpful for women. Cheers, Shawna

I agree the wording is very important.

I hate it when women that have had v-birth put women down for having a c-birth.....I mean it's not their faults..why make them feel bad about it....a lot of times it's either have a c-birth or death.

[tianakaesha]

I think the difference is intent...

You wake up one day and know you want a painting of a horse. You research, study and decide you want to do a freestyle painting on a blank canvas - you want to put the effort and work in yourself, to get your masterpiece. You emotionally prepare for it - get your brushes, get your paints, and wait patiently for the canvas to arrive in the mail.

Some people will get the blank canvas for their masterpice... and slowly build up the colours onto the canvas with their paints and will have a work of art in front of them after hours of dedication.

Some people will have UPS knock on their door and instead of a blank canvas, they get the finished Horse painting already framed.

Some people (like me) will have UPS knock on their door and have a picture of kittens delivered and hung on the wall.

I wanted the the blank canvas.... I studied techniques and had my brushes ready. I even had the canvas on the doorstep... but UPS gave me the kittens instead. I'll still mourn the horse painting. I don't dream any less for it... but I personally signed up for the horses. Some people find that Kittens were what they wanted all along. Me, I still want the horses, and yes, they are both beautiful, gorgeous paintings, and I can live with kittens because the blank wall is worse... but I still want horses... Just because it is a painting - a beautiful piece of artwork that will be cherished for years to come, does not mean the horses were not what was wanted all along.

ok.. rambling...

it's just, for me... I sooo wanted my natural birth and ended in an emerg. People say "be thankful" "you still gave birth" "look at what you have" That's a crock of s**t. my baby was *delivered TO me*... not by me, not with me, not aided by me. It was a team of professionals...

granted they saved my life... and hers.



I love my painting... I just wish I could have painted it freestyle.

[tlcdoula]

Have you given her information on ICAN? I would also send her there for extra support.

[syncreo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Passionate You might want to check with her before taking this attitude. It royally pisses me off when people tell me "you still gave birth" because to me, I DIDN'T. I call my sections "extractions" because to me, thats what they were. My babies were extracted from me. I have three children but only birthed one. So don't just assume that she wants to feel like this was a birth.

HI,
You are absolutely right - what resonates well for one woman is not true for another. It is something I think a lot about - my desire and belief in claiming cesareans as births and how that sits with the fact that cesareans are often done unecessarily and can be very traumatic, surgical procedures.

I think the key is meeting the woman where she is at with the birth - if she feels it was a surgery and her babies were 'extracted' than this is where she is at - validate. I myself see it as a birth and I think a cesarean can be a beautiful birth (mine was) but this is my perspective having already had a beautiful home birth that was the birth I dreamed of. My cesarean birth was also planned as my baby was breech so I had several weeks to get used to the idea, so I had plenty of time to find ways to claim it as my own. I realize that this is not true for many women.

Still I have found that calling it a birth has been very helpful to many of my clients but your point that this may not be true for every woman is definitely true. Thanks for pointing that out.

Cheers, Shawna

[Jilian]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tianakaesha I think the difference is intent... You wake up one day and know you want a painting of a horse. You research, study and decide you want to do a freestyle painting on a blank canvas - you want to put the effort and work in yourself, to get your masterpiece. You emotionally prepare for it - get your brushes, get your paints, and wait patiently for the canvas to arrive in the mail. Some people will get the blank canvas for their masterpice... and slowly build up the colours onto the canvas with their paints and will have a work of art in front of them after hours of dedication. Some people will have UPS knock on their door and instead of a blank canvas, they get the finished Horse painting already framed. Some people (like me) will have UPS knock on their door and have a picture of kittens delivered and hung on the wall. I wanted the the blank canvas.... I studied techniques and had my brushes ready. I even had the canvas on the doorstep... but UPS gave me the kittens instead. I'll still mourn the horse painting. I don't dream any less for it... but I personally signed up for the horses. Some people find that Kittens were what they wanted all along. Me, I still want the horses, and yes, they are both beautiful, gorgeous paintings, and I can live with kittens because the blank wall is worse... but I still want horses... Just because it is a painting - a beautiful piece of artwork that will be cherished for years to come, does not mean the horses were not what was wanted all along. ok.. rambling... it's just, for me... I sooo wanted my natural birth and ended in an emerg. People say "be thankful" "you still gave birth" "look at what you have" That's a crock of s**t. my baby was *delivered TO me*... not by me, not with me, not aided by me. It was a team of professionals... granted they saved my life... and hers. I love my painting... I just wish I could have painted it freestyle.

That is EXACTLY what my client is going through. She did ALL the right things, educated herself more than most people, and did everything she could to get the natural birth she dreamed of. But her baby had different plans. My heart breaks for her. I don't want her to feel that she did anything wrong. I don't want her to go through all the "what ifs" I want to protect her from all of that. But I can't

[sweetpeanut]

Coming out of lurkdom but I LOVE this article and thought I would share it with you...
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/C...begrateful.htm

Melissa