Discussing your work

[ehilleke]

I'm struggling with how to talk about my work without telling birth stories that don't belong to me. Many of the parents I serve know each other, so I feel very uncomfortable talking about the births I attend. It's quite impossible to speak anonymously. AND I feel like it is the right of Mom and Dad to choose the details they want to share about their experience.

For example, my friend is a L&D nurse. She has attended my births and many births of women I know. She is a great nurse, and I hope she's in my room at my next delivery. However, she has no problem talking about one woman's reaction to being checked, the degree of another's episiotomy, how a husband couldn't handle his wife's pain. Personal stuff. She doesn't talk about it from the pulpit, but she does among the women in the nursery.

It's not that I think mom cares if her friends know; it's that I think it's mom's right to tell the story.

Anyway, people are gonna ask me questions about things that I don't want to divulge so how can I politely refuse? I do want to talk about my work, but how can I do in such a way that I'm not treating a family's birth experience like gossip?

[happydoula]

If you're uncomfortable talking about it, then just say that every woman's experience is different and their own story. Say you feel like it's a breach of confidentiality, so you choose not to share your actual experiences.

That said, however, I've found it near impossible not to talk about other "examples" when this happened or that happened. I would never tell someone's entire birth story, and I absolutely never disclose any personal identifying information, but I feel like my experiences are a part of my knowledge as a doula and most clients want to hear information that they can't find in books (or examples of what they DID read in books).

[raeben]

yes it is the moms story but it is also yours in as much as you were a significant participant in the experience. i think it is really important for doulas to have a private circle that they can trust with their stories of their birth experiences. places like ADs and in sharing circles with other birth professionals are important to our professional growth and personal processing of difficult situations.

as far as talking with clients, i will usually just say "some women experience..." or "i've had some mamas who felt..." instead of specifics that would identify the mama.