Would you be offended if someone asked about your faith?

ms_quoted · 01-20-2010, 06:43 PM

I have some close friends who live in Michigan and are expecting their first baby in August. They are really bummed that I don't live closer because they really wanted me to doula for them- but I have talked to them about finding a doula up there and they are really excited about it.

The mom sent me a message asking if I thought it would be rude for her to ask whether the doula was a Christian or not.

I see where she is coming from. Her faith is very important to her and she feels that one of the ways she'll need to be supported in labor is by having a fellow believer with her- someone who will be able to remind her of God's provision during labor, pray with her, etc.

Thoughts?

(Oh, and anyone know of doulas serving the East Lansing, MI area?)

happydoula · 01-20-2010, 06:50 PM

I wouldn't be offended, myself... if that's something that's important to the mom, then I think it's important for her to know. It's important for moms to find the perfect doula for her (and all that jazz!) :o)

novadoula · 01-20-2010, 06:50 PM

I would not be offended at all. As a doula I would not ask but if they ask me I let them know. I think it just helps them to know me a bit better.

Apple Blossom · 01-20-2010, 06:59 PM

I wouldn't be offended either. When interviewing doulas, potential clients need to ask a whole range of questions about their doula to make sure the fit is right. If her faith is important to her, then it's an important question to ask

DL · 01-20-2010, 07:05 PM

I agree with all of the other posters. I know that I have been asked before and have also been hired BECAUSE the parents wanted a Christian doula who would be willing to pray with them during labor. I've also had other doulas refer potential clients to me for that reason. I've had clients of various faiths and beliefs, and I've found that it's important for some and not so much for others. I have no problem with being asked. If I'm not the right doula for someone because of my answer, then that is fine; there are other doulas who I can refer her. If I happen to be the perfect match because of my answer, well then that is a bonus. It takes all kinds of doulas to support all kinds of families.

sunshine · 01-20-2010, 07:09 PM

i too think it's a legit question. i think people really need a doula that they are comfortable with and that can fill as many needs as possible. that being said, i'm not sure how i would feel if someone DIDN'T hire me because of my beliefs, but i'd deal.

DL · 01-20-2010, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ms_quoted

(Oh, and anyone know of doulas serving the East Lansing, MI area?)

Have you checked out the various doula organizations' directories? I'm pretty sure there are doulas in that area, but I don't know whether or not they are believers.

DoulaWendy · 01-20-2010, 07:11 PM

Not offensive to me. I think because doula-ing is such a personal relationship and one that requires a greater understanding of a person's spiritual side that it is fine to try to find a doula whose religious beliefs align with the client's.

ms_quoted · 01-20-2010, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doula Lori

I agree with all of the other posters. I know that I have been asked before and have also been hired BECAUSE the parents wanted a Christian doula who would be willing to pray with them during labor. I've also had other doulas refer potential clients to me for that reason. I've had clients of various faiths and beliefs, and I've found that it's important for some and not so much for others. I have no problem with being asked. If I'm not the right doula for someone because of my answer, then that is fine; there are other doulas who I can refer her. If I happen to be the perfect match because of my answer, well then that is a bonus. It takes all kinds of doulas to support all kinds of families.

Your answer sounds almost exactly like what I told my friend

doula Michele · 01-20-2010, 08:31 PM

I have been asked if I am a Christian Doula.... Nope I am not. I honestly had never thought of bringing religion into birth at all. I guess its because I am not a Christian.
But I have doula'd for very religious people...even a church pastor.
I now have another doula working with me who is Christian.... so if it comes up again, I can pass the client to her.
I am not offended if I am asked, nor if I am not hired.

dezprincesscc · 01-20-2010, 08:31 PM

As an atheist, I have thought about this. I would not have a problem with someone involving their faith in their birth, but if they wanted a doula who could lead them in prayer they would have to find someone else. Not even because I wouldn't want to, but I wouldn't even know what to say. Every woman needs a doula that is a good fit for her, and if this is important to her and will help her birth, it's her right.

EastWind · 01-20-2010, 08:45 PM

I have worked with people of various faiths (and lack thereof) and it doesn't matter to me. If I am asked, I will tell someone that I am a Christian, but I certainly don't ever bring it up. I wouldn't be offended, though, and if someone was *bothered* by my faith, well, then it would probably be better for them to find a doula who would fit what they want for their birth better.

For myself, I already plan to have one of two doulas I know, and their faith really doesn't matter to me. I just want someone I trust and feel comfortable with.

JessicaE · 01-20-2010, 09:40 PM

I've never been asked this in an interview, but I wouldn't be offended. I have a conservative Christian doula friend who was once asked to doula for a Buddhist couple who wanted to incorporate spiritual chant into their birth, and she referred them on to another doula for this reason. So it goes both ways, I suppose.

I wanted to suggest, though, that if she knows this is a "make-or-break" question for her, that is, if she will ONLY consider a Christian doula, that she might ask this question in a phone interview before she invites a doula to meet in person.

1stimestar · 01-20-2010, 10:44 PM

It wouldn't be offensive to me as it is something that is important for her in her labor. And I would know the perfect doula to recomend her to.

For my own birth I had a Pastor's wife and a Jewish doula. Their faiths had nothing to do with me hiring them as they were doula friends. It was just their caring, compassionate nature that drew me to them originally. When Olivia came out, I heard a "Praise Jesus!" AND a "Mazaltov!" It was not offensive to me and I was happy to share in my celebration. I was also glad that they felt free to express their joy as they were comfortable doing.

DoulaCindy · 01-21-2010, 12:03 AM

I do not think it would be rude. I have on my website that I am a Christian. I had one couple say at the interview "We saw on your website that you are a Christian. We are fine with that. Our question is--are you okay with the fact that we are Jewish?" Which of course I was. I do pray for my clients, especially on my way to their births. And I have prayed with them.

If I had someone approach me that was a Buddhist and wanted to incorporate their worship into their birth, then they should certainly have someone who would be comfortable with that. I would not be offended if they asked me if I was a Buddhist. I especially enjoy working with couples who share my faith because I feel it draws us even closer together. I debated on whether to put that fact out there when I was designing my website. I decided that is a big part of who I am and I want others to know where I'm coming from. If they have a problem with it, then they know it before the interview.