I need advice - Supporting a client with drug addiction

Bree · 09-10-2005, 02:50 AM

My coiusin is 8 months pregnant. She is a 28 year old who had a problem with drugs and has been in treatment for a while. I really felt that I needed to offer myself to her & be her labor coach. She has really fallen on hard times and I just feel bad for her. She has alot of other issues as well. This will be her fifth child and she is alnoe & her ex has her other kids, 5 hours away from where we are. So I asked her if she wanted me to be her coah & she does, SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? I 've never coached a mom with these kinds of probs before. Is there anything special I should know?

Has anyone any advise???

Thanks,

1stimestar · 09-10-2005, 12:06 PM

How about letting her problems be her own? If you are going to be her labor coach then do that; with loving kindness and non judgmental support. She may not have ever had that before. I know it is hard when people have lives and make choices so different then our own but if you agree to be her coach, then be her coach. It does not mean you condone her lifestyle. It means you attempt to empower her to make her own decisions. You are not responsible for her choices. If you don't think you can do that, then it would be a good idea to refer her to someone else. Good luck.

~Tranquility~Doula · 09-10-2005, 12:56 PM

I don't think you should support her any differently than you would anyone else. It sounds like she just really needs someone that will be caring and kind, and like Georganne said, that won't be judgemental. Good luck to you!

Matrescence · 09-10-2005, 02:35 PM

Ditto & Ditto

And a huge

to you

raspberrymoondoula · 09-10-2005, 04:16 PM

Wow tough situation! I agree with whats been said above, and definitely don't feel like you can change her, she's the only one who can do that. If she wants information and help, awesome, offer it, if she doestn want it, she knows she can get it from you. make sure that you can be able to separate yourself and still be the neutral professional with her being your cousin and I'm sure you love her despite her issues. let us know how it unfolds!!

1stimestar · 09-10-2005, 07:27 PM

Bree, I hope my post didn't seem harsh. Without the pat on the back that goes with it, it may be hard to tell.. It wasn't meant to be at all. I know you care for your cousin and can see that she needs help.

Bree · 09-12-2005, 01:51 AM

Thanks for all the answers....I'm just worried for her & the health of her baby. I meant that I had never coached a mom who had had a drug addiction DURING her pregnancy. I am frightened of what might be wrong with her baby. I am all she has at this point as far as support goes & I want this to be a special time in her life. I'll let ya'll kow -she's due Oct. 1.

-Bree

1stimestar · 09-12-2005, 10:52 AM

Depending on what drug/s she is on. If it is pot, then you don't have much to worry about. Studies show that pot does not affect the growth and developement of a fetus. If it is coke, meth, etc. baby may have withdrawals if mom is still hooked. If she is drinking, baby may be affected with FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder).

fearlessbirth · 09-19-2005, 02:06 PM

Bree, My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I'm sure you would be concerned if this woman were a stranger but you have closer ties since she's family! Good for you for reaching out to help her during this time. I do agree with the others, though, that you should treat her as you would any other 'client'. Sending wisdom and strength your way!

loveslabor · 09-19-2005, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bree

My coiusin is 8 months pregnant. She is a 28 year old who had a problem with drugs and has been in treatment for a while. I really felt that I needed to offer myself to her & be her labor coach. She has really fallen on hard times and I just feel bad for her. She has alot of other issues as well. This will be her fifth child and she is alnoe & her ex has her other kids, 5 hours away from where we are. So I asked her if she wanted me to be her coah & she does, SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? I 've never coached a mom with these kinds of probs before. Is there anything special I should know?

Has anyone any advise???

Thanks,

Bree-

Please do not take my advice as being cold and insensitive.

That being said, over the last year, my sweetheart and I have been trying to help out an old friend of ours that has a drug problem. We have paid for his rehab twice, let him live in our house, given him money, etc....

People with drugs problems will often take advantage of people that are kind to them and offering them help. Because of this, I would treat her as you treat any other client. No more, no less.

I too felt very sorry for the person we helped. He was alone, no one to turn to, etc. I still do. Sometimes, no amount of help you can give will be enough. She has to make a decision about her lifestyle and make a change in her life. No one can do it for her.

Help her, but PLEASE don't get sucked in to thinking that there will be some huge monumental change in her life because of your kindness. She is the only one that can change her situation.

1stimestar · 09-21-2005, 08:30 PM

Oh yes you bring up such a good point. Keeping reasonable boundries is something we must learn as doulas because sooner or later you will run into a situation where you will need to emphasize them. I find this true for most doulas, especially when trying to help family members or someone looking for a freebie.

09-21-2005, 09:33 PM

Bree,
I think your quote says it all. Sometimes bad things happen and we get hurt but we go on~ we are Doulas! It's what we do. We are here to make a difference.

Bree · 09-22-2005, 12:07 PM

Thanks for everything you guys!!
I understand about what you said about trying to help her out of her drug problem (which is with Meth) i the past, but I realized then that people with drug problems need professional help to get clean. She finally went into treatment (after using for over 5 years) & I believe that she'd been clean for at the most 5 months now.
She is staying at a women's home that won't allow her to speak to anyone for thirty days & her EDD is within that time frame. I haven't been able to talk to her or teach her anything. So I will just be meeting her at the hospital when she goes into labor. She's never had a Doula before, but I think she's happy that she won't be going at it alone.
Update on her condition: she is on 24 hour bedrest due to low amniotic fluid. She is going to the Doc 1-2 times a week until baby is born. She has about 3 weeks left until EDD.

loveslabor · 09-22-2005, 01:13 PM

5 months....that's great. I'm sure she will be SO happy to have help at the delivery, especially from the 'outside world'

I would say, just treat her like any other client. She will probably appreciate a sense of things being 'normal' a whole lot.

Bedrest....blech....no fun

09-22-2005, 02:54 PM

Good luck Bree!