I got fired?!? has this happened to you?

tchatters · 01-03-2007, 06:24 PM

I've been working with a client for about a month who has 3 kids. The first was c-sec for failure to progress, second was successful VBAC, third was c-sec for decels. This time she really wanted to have a doula and have another VBAC. She lives about an hour and a half from the hospital and from me, so I did one really long prenatal with her and her husband. The rest by email. We spent lots of time talking about fetal positioning etc. I got nothing but positive responses, good feedback and excitement from her.

So- her due date was 12/28. I called her on 12/28 to say congrats, you made your due date and just to check in. No return call. I email her on 12/30 to say "hey I'm a little worried about you" no return email. New year's eve- her husband calls at 1:30 and says she's been having contractions and they've driven to the hospital to get checked and he'll call me if she gets admitted. 2:30, I call to see what's up because it's been a while- no answer. He calls me back at 6:45 and says "She's been admitted, she's at 0cm with contractions about 15 min apart, so you can come whenever you want." I asked to talk to her but he said she was in the bathroom and didn't want to be bothered.

So I left my new year's gathering, went to the hospital. She's in bed hanging out, eating a burger and listening to her iPod. I thought this was odd, asked what the plan was and she said there wasn't one- just hanging out waiting to have a baby. (

)

I asked if she was open to trying some walking, some positions etc- she said sure- so she got on the ball, said it made the contraction hurt and went back to bed. that was the end of that...

4 hours later, she says I should go home and rest because it could be like this for days. We talked about what she could do to speed things up a little but she wasn't interested.

8am the next morning, I call the hospital- she's been discharged- no baby, no labor- go home. Dad finally calls me back at 10am and says "We've decided we don't want a Doula- she didn't like having someone else in the room- you messed up her labor pattern"

I calmly asked if I had said anything or done something that offended them but he said no, she didn't like my aura!?!?!?

I'm wondering if she's going to schedule the c-section and didn't want to tell me?

Sorry this is so long... I'm still processing in my head trying to figure out what happened. Has anyone else ever had this happen?

tlcdoula · 01-03-2007, 06:36 PM

Did you get paid for this birth? Unfortunately I hear of stuff like this happening when it is a freebie birth.

I did kind of have something like this happen. I was hired by a mama who was vbac-ing her second pregnancy (third child - first pregnancy was cesarean for twins). Anyhow, we did the prenatals, she paid me in full for my services and the day she went into labor she called me after she was at the hospital. I went up to be with her and was in the room probably five minutes and she asked me to sit in the waiting room. I went and she said she would call me when she needed me. I think she called me in several hours later and after about five minutes she sent me out again. This happened a few times and then at one point they didn't come to get me so I went back to check on them after a few hours and it was then that she told me she didn't want me there and asked me to leave. She said that she was grateful for all that I had done for her and she was confident that she could birth her baby by herself and that she felt that was possible because of all the educating I did with her.

She never called to tell me that she had the baby or anything, so I called her a few weeks postpartum and offered to come for a pp visit and she declined. She wouldn't even tell me the baby's name or any details (length, weight - nothing). The only thing she said is that she did have a very wonderful vaginal birth and she felt she wouldn't have had that if she wouldn't have hired me. She told me to keep my full fee, etc.

It was weird, but I went with it.

As for trying to figure it out - sometimes we just can't figure it all out - just let it go.

tchatters · 01-03-2007, 06:38 PM

I got paid half so far- I have been charging half of my fee at the first prenatal and half at the postpartum visit. He said he'd send me a check in the mail. If not, I'll be sending him a bill.

MothertheMother · 01-03-2007, 07:45 PM

I can only speculate but the first thing that comes to my mind is a privacy issue. Maybe she really thought she wanted the support of a doula but when it came down to that vulnerable time she just felt uncomfortable with anyone but her husband?

tlcdoula · 01-03-2007, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tchatters

I got paid half so far- I have been charging half of my fee at the first prenatal and half at the postpartum visit. He said he'd send me a check in the mail. If not, I'll be sending him a bill.

What does your contract state concerning this issue? Does it say that the money is owed in full even if they cancel?

I also agree with what Christy said. In the case of my client I am leaning towards her being abused since she was so covered up the entire time - never taking off this heavy, huge robe - who knows - maybe something your client was dealing with too.

Jilian · 01-03-2007, 09:54 PM

That is kind of weird. It's probably hard to not feel offended but try not to take it personally. Some people don't know how they'll feel during labor until the labor starts and maybe she really did just change her mind. I do think you should still get the entire fee since you've been on call for a while now and you kept your end of the bargain.

I'm also curious what your contract says about this, if it does not cover this type of situation you may want to change it. Mine says that unless the contract is cancelled inwriting by both parties by 36 weeks then the full fee is still payable. The only times the fee is not payable are: If I have to back out of the contract, if I miss the birth due to my own error (and a backup does not attend) or if the labor is extremely fast (one hour or less).

tchatters · 01-03-2007, 10:00 PM

My contract says that if you cancel after 38 weeks, I get the whole fee- due to my inability to take another client. It also says that if you fail to call me for your birth, I get the whole fee.

It may be abuse, or something else I don't know about- I thought it was odd that her husband initiated contact with me and he also was the one who called me to cancel my services. He also called me to come to the hospital. Thinking back, I'm wondering if he really wanted a Doula and she was going along only for him?

I don't know... I probably never will. I was just so bummed, confused and frustrated!

tlcdoula · 01-03-2007, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tchatters

My contract says that if you cancel after 38 weeks, I get the whole fee- due to my inability to take another client. It also says that if you fail to call me for your birth, I get the whole fee.

It may be abuse, or something else I don't know about- I thought it was odd that her husband initiated contact with me and he also was the one who called me to cancel my services. He also called me to come to the hospital. Thinking back, I'm wondering if he really wanted a Doula and she was going along only for him?

I don't know... I probably never will. I was just so bummed, confused and frustrated!

You might have something there!!!!

1stimestar · 01-03-2007, 10:19 PM

TRY not to take it personally. I know it's hard. You did your job and at least she let you know that you can go off of call.

DouLaura · 01-03-2007, 11:20 PM

First of all

, I know you must be very confused and very bummed out. I am so sorry.
There are so many things it could be, as already has been brought out, abuse or the dh is the one who wanted a doula in the first place. And either of these could have caused her to not groove with your aura.

and that really could be the bottom line, she wasn't comfortable with it and if she wasn't comfortable than she isn't going to labor well. As doulas we stress the importance of the mother being comfortable emotionally so she can labor well and I guess sometimes it turns out the mother is more comfortable emotionally without a doula. Maybe it is a good thing that this mother realized this at the point she did.
I hope you can quickly come to a point of being OK about this situation. I am sure it is nothing you did or said, only the mother's comfort of having another person around.

MothertheMother · 01-03-2007, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Thinking back, I'm wondering if he really wanted a Doula and she was going along only for him?

This very well may be it. I interviewed with a couple once and got this exact same feeling. She was very "I want the epidural in the parking lot" and he really wanted to know how to support her. I didn't take these clients for scheduling reasons but if I'd had more experience at the time I'd not have taken them anyway. I just didn't feel like I was going to bond with this woman. When I told her I wouldn't be available I offered her other doula's contact info and she never contacted any of them. Maybe you are right.

surrodoula · 01-04-2007, 12:39 AM

We just had it happen too. Mom went into preterm labour a few days after our first prenatal, called to let us know, and then her DH called to tell us she just wanted to be on her own.

It's hard not to take it personally, epecially when all they have said about the support you have given them prior to that point was very positive. It would be easier to accept from someone who seemed disinterested, I guess. It's a big let down for us too when we are all excited about going to the birth and then not go.

Obviously though, you gave her the information and support she wanted when she needed it. I guess some people are really much more private than they thought they were.

I bet you we are going through the same thoughts right now - this happened to us a few weeks ago.

douladot · 01-04-2007, 05:54 AM

This reminds me of a situation I am going thru right now -- kinda. I have been contacted by a soon-to-be-dad twice now. He is super nice on the phone, but I get the STRONG feeling that it is him that wants the doula and not the wife. Finally, after talking for a few minutes on or last conversation he mentioned that she is not as comfortable with the idea of a doula. I immediately told him that if she is not comfortable with it then I would drop the issue with her, at least for a while, because my presence at the labor/delivery would not help her, but could actually make matters worse. So, the dad said "gee, I hadn't thought about it that way"....so he thanked me profusely for my time and said that if the mom had a change of heart they would call me back. Part of me feels very sorry for these dads that want the extra support, but can't get it because, ultimately it should be the mom's decision...it is her body and her birth, but what are the alternatives for the dads that need some extra support??

DouLaura · 01-04-2007, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by douladot

ultimately it should be the mom's decision...it is her body and her birth, but what are the alternatives for the dads that need some extra support??

That is a really good question. no answer for it but it makes me ponder....

Jilian · 01-04-2007, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by douladot

Part of me feels very sorry for these dads that want the extra support, but can't get it because, ultimately it should be the mom's decision...it is her body and her birth, but what are the alternatives for the dads that need some extra support??

That is a great question! Since it is most important for mom to feel comfortable since it is HER body that will be doing all the hard work it is ultimately her call. I think a nice compromise would be to have a supportive family member there to help dad through.