My Friends is in labor...

[Sandythedoula]

Hi Ladies,
Haven't posted in so long...family health issues. Happy New Year to you all.
My friends husband called me last night a midnight to ask me how to help because she was at the hospital and only 1cm. Her pain was terrible. I felt helpless because although I am a doula I haven't attended any births yet. All I could say was keep her walking, try the birth ball because she loves it. I asked if she had access to a shower but he said that they wouldn't give her a room because she wasn't progressing enough and they might have to send her home. I told them to help her squat and or kneel and do a hip sqweese. And to keep telling her how great she was doing. I also suggested maybe going back home and using her comforts like the shower and things like that.

Long and the short is. He said he'd call back. Well I called them at 5 am and she had just had a shot of morphine and then they followed with an epi. She was at 4 cm.
Was there more I could have done? Should I have recommended something else??
I feel helpless because I know how hard she wished for no interventions.
I did also recommend a the bar for her to hang from to help her push in the event she couldn't feel much when the time came.

Did I let her down???

PS. I am not her "doula" but a friend whom she called for help!!

[doula Michele]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandythedoula Hi Ladies, Haven't posted in so long...family health issues. Happy New Year to you all. My friends husband called me last night a midnight to ask me how to help because she was at the hospital and only 1cm. Her pain was terrible. I felt helpless because although I am a doula I haven't attended any births yet. All I could say was keep her walking, try the birth ball because she loves it. I asked if she had access to a shower but he said that they wouldn't give her a room because she wasn't progressing enough and they might have to send her home. I told them to help her squat and or kneel and do a hip sqweese. And to keep telling her how great she was doing. I also suggested maybe going back home and using her comforts like the shower and things like that. Long and the short is. He said he'd call back. Well I called them at 5 am and she had just had a shot of morphine and then they followed with an epi. She was at 4 cm. Was there more I could have done? Should I have recommended something else?? I feel helpless because I know how hard she wished for no interventions. I did also recommend a the bar for her to hang from to help her push in the event she couldn't feel much when the time came. Did I let her down??? PS. I am not her "doula" but a friend whom she called for help!!

I don't know... did you offer to go and be with them?

[Acacia]

No I don't think you let her down. If you are not hired to be their doula then you hold no responsibility to them what so ever. You weren't there in the room with them to help and trying to tell a worried dad over the phone what to do when he honestly doesn't have a clue doesn't show how you would preform as an actual doula had you been invited to come. I find it interesting that they didn't ask you to come and help if she was so keen on a completely intervention free birth. The point is if you aren't with them directly and you haven't practiced with them ahead of time then it makes it difficult to help anymore than what you did over the phone! I wish he would have called and asked you to come!! Maybe this will act as a "lesson" to them both that a doula would be valuable to have next time around. I would just say that you were sorry that you couldn't help more but it is difficult to explain what to do over the phone when you can't actually see what is going on with the mom and aren't able to read her body language.

[Sandythedoula]

Thanks! I know I was disappointed when they didn't ask me but I understood. She was having her sister and her husband there and thought it would be too many folks. So I didn't push the issue.
Also they live and hour and a half away so thats why I didn't offer at the last minute and then get there and make my friend uncomfortable and try to find childcare all for when I wasn't really asked to come.
But thanks for the perk me up! I have been awake all night worrying for her!

[tlcdoula]

The only thing I probably would have suggested is for her to go home. She would have had a little more freedom and probably would have been more comfortable too.

Like someone else mentioned - did you offer to go and help? I would have done that too especially since they called. Usually if someone calls that means they want something - he could have said nope, just want info, but he could have said to come too.

Also like someone else said though - you weren't hired either so don't put too much blame or guilt on yourself!!!

[Sandythedoula]

I did suggest they go home so she could use her shower and her stuff for comfort but they didn't. I had offered to be there the whole pregnancy and she always called me with questions. So they were used to calling me and still not necessarily wanting me there. Thats why I didn't push the issue.

[Sandythedoula]

Hey ladies,
Happy to report my friend had a healthy baby boy vaginally at 334 this afternoon. She said my advice was good! It helped. that made me feel good about my suggestions.
Unfortunately they gave her morphine when she was 4 cm and then epi the baby hasn't been able to nurse because he is groggy. She just called to say he will only play with the breast and thats it. But as we were hanging up she said she had to take her pain med "darvocet"!!! Wouldn't that further compound the baby's grogginess???
Your thoughts ladies.
Thank you all for your help.

[douladot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandythedoula But as we were hanging up she said she had to take her pain med "darvocet"!!! Wouldn't that further compound the baby's grogginess??? Your thoughts ladies. Thank you all for your help.

I would think that would also exacerbate the baby's grogginess.....anyone know for sure????

[DL]

Quote:

Originally Posted by douladot I would think that would also exacerbate the baby's grogginess.....anyone know for sure????

No, not for sure. Darvocet can make one a bit groggy, though. I'm not sure how much of it gets into the colostrum or breastmilk, but it probably does. As far as pain relief for mom...Darvocet is a joke. It's never done anything for me but make me a little sleepy and I'm VERY sensitive to meds (had some after my head-on collision in June); when it wasn't helping, I called my mil who's an RN, and she told me it's basically glorified aspirin as far as pain relief goes, so I ended up getting Vicodin. Sorry for getting a bit , there, but for several reasons, this mom would probably be much better off (for her and babe) to take some Tylenol instead, IMO.

[naturalbirther]

Hmm, don't know about the drug either. I do know that I was given percoset after both my munchkins were born and it was great pain relief for me but I never noticed any effect on their ability to nurse. I had natural labors/birth with both so they were able to latch on almost immediately and did great, so maybe being able to get them on right away and have a successful latch is the key there, not what mom's taking? Just a guess. I hope they get it figured out soon, though...the longer they wait, the harder, and with a frustrating birth, the sooner she can bond with her baby the better! My bestfriend had a really tough labor and ended ina c-section in Oct, and because she couldn't bond right away with all the meds and pain, she is only jsut now really getting to bond with her baby. I would tell her (ok, "suggest" to her ) to see a lactation consultant asap. The hospital SHOULD have one...of course that doesn't guarantee that it'll be a good one!
Ash