Sibling Doulas

[DL]

Hey, Doula-sisters!

I'm very familiar with the term "Sibling Doula". What I am not very familiar with is exactly how this works. For those who offer this service, could you elaborate a little on what this service looks like in YOUR business?

1. Is it mainly watching the children while they are at the labor/birth or are there other variations?

2. Is it sometimes 'baby-sitting' when the children are NOT wanting to be at the birth (for various reasons: fear, sleepiness, boredom, etc.)? ...or are they then passed off to a relative/friend, etc.?

3. While in a laboring mom's presence, do you entertain them with toys, coloring, etc.? If so...any problems with distractions for mom?

4. Do you offer your Sibling Doula service for hospital births....or is it mainly for home births?

5. Do you educate the children prior to the birth about what to expect? If so....How do YOU typically go about this?

6. Depending on age/maturity, do you sometimes help the children to help mom (comfort measures) if all parties desire it?

7. On what basis do you charge? (hourly, per child, flat fee, etc.?)

8. If possible, could you share a Sibling Doula story (similar to the doula's birth story, in which we're all so familiar) so that others can see what it's like to be a Sibling Doula?

I realize that I have asked many questions. For those interested in replying, feel free to pick and choose whichever questions you prefer to answer (or make more than one post as you feel like answering more but don't have the time). Any input whatsoever is greatly appreciated, so even answering just one question would be great! TIA!

[Need2read]

1. Is it mainly watching the children while they are at the labor/birth or are there other variations?
I think that you would be watching the kid at the birth or at the home if they didn't want them to be at the birth (maybe in the case of a hospital birth)

2. Is it sometimes 'baby-sitting' when the children are NOT wanting to be at the birth (for various reason: fear, sleepiness, boredom, etc.)? ...or are they then passed off to a relative/friend, etc.?
Very much yes. If the kid wants to go upstairs and mom is downstairs your duty would be to entertain and to help the child understand anything he/she is unsure of.

3. While in a laboring mom's presence, do you entertain them with toys, coloring, etc.? If so...any problems with distractions for mom?

In my experience so long as the child is happy mom is okay. The kid I watched threw something into the birthing pool and both mom and I fished it out very quickly. That was the only possibly bothersome thing, really.

4. Do you offer your Sibling Doula service for hospital births....or is it mainly for home births?

I don't know that I would want to do being a sibling doula again. It wasn't really mean't to turn out that way, but it was my first birth and I learned something.

5. Do you educate the children prior to the birth about what to expect? If so....How do YOU typically go about this?

There are sibling classes in my area that the child I was with had previously taken.. It depends on the age of the child and their level of interest prior to the birth. You might consider contacting someone who does sibling classes. (It is basically just learning the basic process of birth, sounds and sights that might occur.)

6. Depending on age/maturity, do you sometimes help the children to help mom (comfort measures) if all parties desire it? I tried to get their daughter to kiss her moms hand and say I love you but she was more interested in playing.

7. On what basis do you charge? (hourly, per child, flat fee, etc.?)

Sorry, this is part of my cert births and I had decided not to charge. *although they are giving me a donation I am not sure how much that will be*

8. If possible, could you share a Sibling Doula story (similar to the doula's birth story, in which we're all so familiar) so that others can see what it's like to be a Sibling Doula?

I wrote a thread on my first doula experience. I will post a link to it:

http://www.alldoulas.com/forums/showthread.php?t=890

The only difference is that you are entertaining the child for many hours and that you are comforting them if they seem to get scared or sad about something happening to their mother.

It is very different from being the Doula for a laboring woman.

[heathenmamaof5]

Lori,

I am offering sibling doula services. Unfotunately me headache is screaming this morning. So I will answer this more in depth for you at a leter time. Like maybe tomorrow?



Jill

[DL]

for all of your answers! Yes....I did read your birth story and really appreciate your input. I hope that some of the others can share their sibling doula stories, as well!

I'm unsure if I would want to offer this service or not (presently thinking maybe not since I would be wishing I could focus on mom the whole time!). I wanted to read about others' experiences before deciding for sure, so thanx again for taking the time to reply!

[DL]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heathenmamaof5 Lori, I am offering sibling doula services. Unfotunately me headache is screaming this morning. So I will answer this more in depth for you at a leter time. Like maybe tomorrow? Jill

Bless your !!! Take your time, Jill. I appreciate your willingness, but there's no hurry with me needing replies (I'm mainly at the curiosity stage right now). Just whenever you feel up to it and want to! Get well soon!!!!!!

[heathenmamaof5]

Hi!

I don't know how to cut and paste so I can't answer each of your questions like others have. But I wanted to give you an idea of how sibling doula work happens in my practice.

First let me relate a short birth story...Last year a mom at my kids school asked if I would be her Doula. She is a single mom with a son in Charlie's class and a daughter in Linzey's class. This means that at the time of Lily's birth her son was 12 and her daughter 8. She planned a VBAC homebirth with a local homebirth midwifery practice. These were not midwifes I had worked with in the past, but they knew who I was. (After the twins birth I'm pretty well known in the local midwifery community.) We met a couple times prenatally and I familiarized myself with her home and her special needs regarding the "sperm donor *jerk* that she had gotten pg with. Seems they were getting married and after the invitations were sent he decided he just couldn't "do this". So she called everybody and cancelled everything just to find out that he had given her herpes AND she was pg. OK, I got off track...

I got "the call" around 6 am on Jan 4th and rounded up my kids and got them to school. When I arrived at the clients home, with Starbucks in hand for the midwifes, I noticed that the kids were at loose ends. They both looked VERY worried and unsure as to what was going on. I cheerfully explained where their mom was at in her labor and also told them that all the noise was perfectly normal. Looking back I think the kids were especially worried because Mom is their sole provider, no dad's are involved.

I went in and checked with my client and all was going really well. She had 2 midwifes in attendence and her best freind was her "coach" Another midwife was on her way (this practice has 3 partner midwifes) So, I told her that I felt that I should "doula" for the kids. She heaved a big sigh of releif and said "go for it". I made the kids breakfast and also asked the midwifes if they needed anything. I made sure that everybody had something healthy to drink then started playing backgammon and Uno with the kids. As we were playing I would answer any questions they had. If I saw by their body language that they were worried I would explain where mom was at in her labor and reassured them that their mother was in capable hands.

When it came time to push I guided the children into positions that their mom would like. DD did wet washcloths on moms forehead, DS did counter pressure, etc. The client kept saying how glad she was that I was there to help her kids with the process. I kept them quiet (no loud voices) but encouraged them to ask me ANYTHING which they did. The son especially had worries, "What if she dies? What if we have to go to the hospital? What if the baby dies?" that kind of thing. Because of my education and experience I was able to answer all their questions in a no nonsense/professional kind of way.

When the baby was born I had both kids right there. I beleive that the dd even helped with massaging the perinium and ds cut the baby's cord. It was a wonderful homebirth and was very empowering for the mom as she had 2 previous cesarians. I made sure to get pictures of the kids particpating in the birth and immediately after Lily was born.

After the birth I got the laundry moving and generally picked up the house while lovingly talking to the kids about mom's post-partum needs. All in all it was a fabulous experience for everyone involved. I explained about the vernix and how the baby nurses and how she would poopy mec and it would change as moms milk came in. I was the kids Doula. Not a babysitter.

Post partum I came and helped every few days for a couple of weeks since she is a single mom with no family in the area. I also came and cleaned her house the morning of her Blessingway. I gradually weaned her off my services and we have remained in contact. In fact she uses my oldest, Kelsey, as a mother's helper now and then.

This experience got me thinking about the sibling doula role. I truly felt that I made a difference in how the family bonded in birth and the immediate post-partum period. My older children were at my birth's of their siblings and I think it makes a HUGE diference in sibling rivalry issues and the adjustments that older siblings have to make for the new baby. It made me decide to offer sibling doula services as part of my practice.

I plan to make it VERY clear to clients that I am not a nanny. I'm a childbirth professional with years of education and that I hope to help families adjust to their new addition. I will meet the siblings ahead of time and tailor their education to that family's needs. If they want me to do a sibling class, cool. In a hospital birth situation I would take the kids in and out of the labor room according to the kids and moms needs. I will take care of the children so mom and dad don't have to worry about where they are and who they're with. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, educate accordingly on the kids terms.

As for prices, I'm not sure yet. I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it. Ballpark I'd say around $300 depending on how much time I put in pre and post natally. I also will be offering packages so I might Doula for the siblings at the birth then follow up with post partum doula work.

I do know that I want to help FAMILIES, not just mom. In my mind is that each baby's birth births a new family dynamic. I want them to have "They're birth, They're way"

Lastly I must say that my client told me that after I got there and she knew her kids were taken care of she was able to "let go" she was releived and knew that I would do what was best for her kids.

Lori, I've been wanting to relate this to you since you asked this question the other day. Unfortunately I'm still battling this dang headache. Right now I'm totally doped up and the pain isn't too bad. Unfortunately what I wrote may not make much sense! I hope this helped.

Love to You All

Jill

[DL]

Oh Jill, that was a WONDERFUL reply!!!! I really appreciate you taking the time to share your views....your HEART...with me (and others who will read this, too)! It sounds like a wonderful, caring service that you provide. You've shared a great way to look at what a Sibling Doula is all about!

for your headache!!!!! Bless your heart!

[heathenmamaof5]

Thanks! I feel that if I can figure out how to relate what a sibling doula is I will get clients for this specific reason. Maybe I should write an article? Based on this families birth experience? What do you think?

Jill

[~Tranquility~Doula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heathenmamaof5 Thanks! I feel that if I can figure out how to relate what a sibling doula is I will get clients for this specific reason. Maybe I should write an article? Based on this families birth experience? What do you think? Jill

That would be awesome! I'm really interested in this as well.

My friend (a midwife) is due with baby #2 this summer and most likely I will be there to make sure her dd is comfortable and not scared (she's 2 years old).

[moncton doula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heathenmamaof5 Thanks! I feel that if I can figure out how to relate what a sibling doula is I will get clients for this specific reason. Maybe I should write an article? Based on this families birth experience? What do you think? Jill

Oh yes, sounds like a great idea and a wonderful niche for you!!!! The story was fabulous!!! What a perfect combo for a sibling doula...you can relate and communicate with kids with your daycare background, and have the knowlege and experience of a doula. Double whammy! Definitly write the article and maybe even submit it to Midwifery today.

[DL]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heathenmamaof5 Thanks! I feel that if I can figure out how to relate what a sibling doula is I will get clients for this specific reason. Maybe I should write an article? Based on this families birth experience? What do you think? Jill

I, too, think that what you posted would make a terrific article!!!!!! I'm sorry that I didn't post earlier to respond, but I've been taking it easy today (and reading, but not posting a whole lot). I arrived back home at 2 AM this morning from attending a 30 hour birth. So.....that's why I've been a bit lazy with the replies today.

[DL]

While at the hospital birth that I had been attending for the past two days, there was a 7 yr. old little girl present (yes......she was there MOST of the time....only going home to sleep for about 6 hours!). I was momma's doula, so I can see how she really could've used a "Sibling Doula". Mom's sil was there to help, but several times, the daughter came to me with questions that the sil didn't know the answers to (nor how to answer on a 7 yr. old's level....although the little girl had an amazing vocabulary!!). It made me feel good that she knew that she could come to me, and that I could answer whatever she wanted to ask!

Anyway...it was kind of neat that she asked me these questions (in which I discovered that I rather enjoyed answering them on a kid's level!):

Why does it take so long to have a baby?

Why do mommy's have to have contractions to have a baby?

Why does it hurt?

Why do mommy's bleed when they have a baby? (this question was after the birth and just after mom was cleaned up)

...and the biggie: When is my baby brother going to get here?? I'm ready for him to come!

Oh, get this!.... When there was a lull in-between ctx's, the little girl asked me, "May I speak to you in private?" She took my hand and led me behind the hospital curtain and said (very clearly...this kid is soooo articulate!), " Miss, Lori...I just wanted you to know that I think that you are a very delightful person." Oh my goodness....what a sweetie!!! I told her "thank you" and that she really blessed me with her kind words. I also told her that I thought she was very sweet, smart, and very delightful as well.

In another moment, she pulled me aside and said, "Miss Lori....I'm going to be a doula, or a nurse, or a Midwife when I grow up!". She had emulated & helped me with some comfort measures (just whenever she expressed an interest in helping), she had helped the nurse find the baby's heartbeat during intermittant monitoring a couple of times, and she had observed the Midwife & hit it off with her quite well, too. She missed homeschool yesterday, but what an education she received!!!!!!

This might be one of those "you had to be there" type of things...but I'll give it a try--
A funny: Mom, daughter, and I were walking the hospital hallways trying to get labor moving along. At one point I told the mom, "Tell me if I'm having you walk too fast." The little girl quickly said, "Nope...I'm fine, it's not too fast...I can walk faster!" Bless her heart, it was ALL about her...she didn't have a clue that it might be too fast for her momma who was in labor! Mom & I both got a laugh out of it.

Anyway...since we were on the topic of "Sibling Doulas", I thought that this little girl's questions and comments might fit in well here.

[Abbydoula]

I mean...were you there as a childcare provider who specialized in birth?

I have just taken an unconventional doula job for a mom at my daughter's school. I will not be there to doula her, but to be there for her 5 year old son. She really wanted someone who knew birth, was comfortable with it AND knew her son and was a "good" childcare choice. She's willing to pay me 300 dollars! CRAZY! Crazy crazy CRAZY! I'm actually only taking 200. I mean, I'm still only charging 300 dollars for my "REAL" doula clients whom I see for an initial interview, 2 prenatals, the birth (with all my doula tricks) and for a post partum. She just wants me there for the fun stuff (hanging out with her son and getting to be at the birth...if he wants to be) sounds UBER FABU!...and to make money, SHURE!

Sooooo, anyone done this?

I'm thinking I'll want to have a couple of chats with the little guy about noises mom will make. What he'd like to do during labour (bake a cake?)...books he likes, games, etc. I'd like to bring stuff for him to do that is special (maybe make a craft). And who knows, it all might occur in the middle of the night. At any rate, I'm drawing up a contract so it is VERY CLEAR what I'll be providing. The mom is very clear that she wants me there for her son, and not for her. She's got the support that SHE needs, but needs me for her son.

It feels right. But, I'm wondering if maybe I'm missing something obvious.

Thanks,
Abby

[earthgirl]

Wow. Sounds interesting, but I've never done it. Have fun!

[DL]

I haven't personally done this, but I do know of some doulas who offer "Sibling Doula" services. Here is another thread that might be helpful:

Dual Roles At A Birth