Oblivious Dad?

[apikailaa]

I just have a quick question! I went over to my client's house today for postpartum visit #2. The reason I went is because she just went back to work today. She wasn't supposed to return to work until April 25, but her husband is unemployed. He can't hold down a job. She works at Walmart. They were living with her sister, but moved out and moved in with his brother while they try to get low-income housing. I came over and she seemed ok, but then she asked the dad why he hadn't done the things she left for him to do and he said he just woke up!!! It was 4:30!!! The baby had scratched herself and mom asked dad if he had cut her fingernails. Dad said, "I just tore that one off." When I held the baby she had very rough, sharp fingernails. I sugested the little "nose hair" scissors to trim nails with, it's what I use for my son and feel safer with them than clippers. Then when I was holding baby dad hands me a bottle that was WAY too hot, I mean, too hot even for me! Finally the thing that just really made me nervous was the way dad picked up the baby. He didn't support the head AT ALL!

I understand that she is their baby and they know her better than me, and they are young (my age, LOL) and still learning, but should I say something? I have been trying to make suggestions, hints, but I don't think they are listening! I am also very worried about mom developing PPD. She seems very stressed, especially having to return to work so early and having no money.

[1stimestar]

Yes, say something. When handing the baby to the dad or anyone if dad is around to observe, you might say something like "here, make sure to hold her head up." Also, show him how to test the bottle temp on his wrist. Remind him how uncomfortable taking a drink of too hot coffee or something feels. Just come right out and tell him what he needs to know. Good luck.

[tlcdoula]

I would probably say something too!!!

[Ceci]

Yikes! I would say something...Are there any free parenting classes that dad could take (maybe something that the county or state offers?) or is there a local PP doula that could volunteer her services?

[BornToBirth]

Yes....please say something....to help this poor baby and new parents .They are probably overwhelmed and a little TLC may go a long way .

[apikailaa]

Thank you girls! I am going to go over tomorrow and observe and answer questions, refer them to parenting classes, etc. I am the only doula here. Period. No pp doulas or anything. Hopefully they can get some kind of help. I am so worried about them and I wonder how many other families there are here without anyone or anything. My husband gets frustrated with me and tells me I can't "save the whole world". But hopefully I can steer these parents in the right direction!!!

[Jilian]

Good luck! I hope it goes well. My sister's BF is similar to this "oblivious dad" and it's really hard to just sit back and watch her be treated like that, but I choose to only offermy advice when asked - unless the baby is in danger.