Missed a birth

midoula · 05-16-2007, 09:32 PM

I had a mom due May 31 and I missed her birth on Monday. This was a volunteer birth as I started working with her when I was still searching for certification births. We are dealing with my father in laws imminent death and went to out of state to see him and be there for his death since he was only expected to live for a few days. I lined up a back-up and thought everything was under control. Well, Sunday night I got a call from my client that she was being admitted to the hospital in labor. She had forgotten to bring the back-up's number with her. She asked if I would call my back-up for her. Unfortunately, I called and called my back-up and couldn't get an answer. I called her from 10pm until 2:30 am and never got an answer or a call back. I felt so trapped since there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was in the hospital 15 hours from her with my father in law. I did call my client early on and let her know that I was trying to get in touch with the back-up but wasn't able to reach her and that she could call me if she needed any support I could give her over the phone. Her baby was born at 4am. I finally heard from my back-up the next morning when she called completely upset and apologizing for missing the birth. She had gone to bed with her kids and completely forgotten to bring her phone with her.

I have spoken with the client and she said the birth went well. I of course completely apologized and offered whatever support I could at this point. I plan on bringing her a postpartum meal and offering to discuss the birth with her more in detail. I just feel so horrible!

Has anyone else missed a birth? What did you do? Is there anything else I can do?

Acacia · 05-16-2007, 09:49 PM

Wow...I think it may be time to look for a different back-up person! I know that when I am on call for a birth I live with my phone attached to my hip. I also give multiple numbers for the client to get in touch with me. It stinks that she didn;t get the support she was counting on, but you did the best you could! I am new to all of this so I haven't missed a birth yet. I think you have a great plan. I would suggest maybe offering a few hours of postpartum care.

douladot · 05-17-2007, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acacia

Wow...I think it may be time to look for a different back-up person! I know that when I am on call for a birth I live with my phone attached to my hip. I also give multiple numbers for the client to get in touch with me. It stinks that she didn;t get the support she was counting on, but you did the best you could! I am new to all of this so I haven't missed a birth yet. I think you have a great plan. I would suggest maybe offering a few hours of postpartum care.

MindOverLaborDoulas · 05-17-2007, 07:28 AM

JerseyJess · 05-17-2007, 07:28 AM

I'm so sorry-that's a very frustrating situation. I agree with the others-find a new back up. Yes, she's apologetic but what doula wouldn't be available from 10:30pm-2:30am? I mean don't most of us get our calls while we're sleeping? I'm glad the birth went well, but sorry you missed it.

dorothyh · 05-17-2007, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by midoula

I have spoken with the client and she said the birth went well. I of course completely apologized and offered whatever support I could at this point. I plan on bringing her a postpartum meal and offering to discuss the birth with her more in detail. I just feel so horrible!

Has anyone else missed a birth? What did you do? Is there anything else I can do?

You did nothing wrong - you left town for an emergency situation almost 3 weeks before her due date, and left her with the contact info for what you thought was reliable backup. What a helpless feeling for you though - knowing she was in labor, wanting to be there, I'm sure, and the frustration of calling and calling and calling and getting no answer, and there being absolutely no way you could get there in time even if you tried.

Like others have said, I would seriously look into finding more reliable backup. Out of my last 10 clients I've had who went into labor spontaneously, 8 out of 10 made that first contact with me between the hours of 10:30 - 4:00 AM. Not being reachable during those hours essentially means that you aren't really on call.

I leave both my cell and home numbers with clients, and although my cell is with me 24/7 when I am on call, if by some chance I leave it in another room and fall asleep, there is always my home phone that will wake up not only me, but others in the house.

Your story though is a good reminder to all of us to make sure that we are always reachable, even if it's outside of that 2 week window.

midoula · 05-17-2007, 08:41 AM

I will definitely be finding new back-up. Thankfully I don't have anymore births lined up until Aug.

tlcdoula · 05-17-2007, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by midoula

I had a mom due May 31 and I missed her birth on Monday. This was a volunteer birth as I started working with her when I was still searching for certification births. We are dealing with my father in laws imminent death and went to out of state to see him and be there for his death since he was only expected to live for a few days. I lined up a back-up and thought everything was under control. Well, Sunday night I got a call from my client that she was being admitted to the hospital in labor. She had forgotten to bring the back-up's number with her. She asked if I would call my back-up for her. Unfortunately, I called and called my back-up and couldn't get an answer. I called her from 10pm until 2:30 am and never got an answer or a call back. I felt so trapped since there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was in the hospital 15 hours from her with my father in law. I did call my client early on and let her know that I was trying to get in touch with the back-up but wasn't able to reach her and that she could call me if she needed any support I could give her over the phone. Her baby was born at 4am. I finally heard from my back-up the next morning when she called completely upset and apologizing for missing the birth. She had gone to bed with her kids and completely forgotten to bring her phone with her.

I have spoken with the client and she said the birth went well. I of course completely apologized and offered whatever support I could at this point. I plan on bringing her a postpartum meal and offering to discuss the birth with her more in detail. I just feel so horrible!

Has anyone else missed a birth? What did you do? Is there anything else I can do?

I missed a birth, but my back up did arrive. Actually with my situation I was with the mother (who also went into preterm labor) for many, many hours and had to leave her to attend a training. My back up came about two hours before I left and she had us both during that time period. Then I returned after the training (but the baby was already here).

As for the back up - do you honestly think it was a one shot accident? I might question the reliability of this woman for future births!!!!

AmandaB · 05-17-2007, 11:33 AM

I am so sorry this happend, hopefully you will be able to offer her postpartum support and remain in touch with her. But this brings up an interesting point.

Ok since we are on the topic of reliabilty. I had an incident happen a few months ago with a Doula. She phoned me at 4am to go to birth. I thought that she was just returning from birth, she was actually 2hrs out of town of a mini-vacation. I had no idea she was out of town and she told her clients that she was sick at home with the flu. I told her that I couldn't go, I felt torn because this client needed somebody. Was it my responsibility to go? Even with no notice that she was out of town? As a back-up are you a back-up, no matter what and for any length of time? As a back-up, what responsibility does one have? As the primary Doula, I would think that you should communicate with all involved, clients, back-ups and family. Someone help me understand.

tlcdoula · 05-17-2007, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amandoula1980

I am so sorry this happend, hopefully you will be able to offer her postpartum support and remain in touch with her. But this brings up an interesting point.

Ok since we are on the topic of reliabilty. I had an incident happen a few months ago with a Doula. She phoned me at 4am to go to birth. I thought that she was just returning from birth, she was actually 2hrs out of town of a mini-vacation. I had no idea she was out of town and she told her clients that she was sick at home with the flu. I told her that I couldn't go, I felt torn because this client needed somebody. Was it my responsibility to go? Even with no notice that she was out of town? As a back-up are you a back-up, no matter what and for any length of time? As a back-up, what responsibility does one have? As the primary Doula, I would think that you should communicate with all involved, clients, back-ups and family. Someone help me understand.

I think all of those details need to be worked out prior to agreeing to be back ups. With my old back up we agreed to just go to the birth if the other couldn't attend. Since we were friends too we always knew what the other was doing and when. My new back up (DoulaKymm) and I hopefully will have the same arrangement - I have to talk with her more nad totally confirm this, but I believe that is what we both are expecting of the other.

I do think it is wrong for a doula to go out of town without telling the client and it is even worse for her to lie to her client. If one is going out of town I think it is important that the back up definitely knows this.

dorothyh · 05-17-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amandoula1980

I had an incident happen a few months ago with a Doula. She phoned me at 4am to go to birth. I thought that she was just returning from birth, she was actually 2hrs out of town of a mini-vacation. I had no idea she was out of town and she told her clients that she was sick at home with the flu. I told her that I couldn't go, I felt torn because this client needed somebody. Was it my responsibility to go? Even with no notice that she was out of town? As a back-up are you a back-up, no matter what and for any length of time? As a back-up, what responsibility does one have? As the primary Doula, I would think that you should communicate with all involved, clients, back-ups and family. Someone help me understand.

NO it was not your responsibility to go. It was not your client, you had not agreed to back up the other doula.

She should have ASKED you ahead of time and informed her client that you were on call. And she told them she had the flu??????

That other doula was highly HIGHLY irresponsible. That stinks.

Doula Hara · 05-17-2007, 03:38 PM

Unfortunately, I missed a birth once--my very fist birth. I was observing a childbirth class at the local hospital as a part of my training, and the teacher gave me the opportunity to advertise myself a little to the class. One of the couples there offered for me to observe their birth and participate as a doula in whatever ways I felt comfortable, since it was only my first birth. I was so honored, and they were so generous to me. They had another doula for the birth, so it really was generous of them to create the space for me. I was great about being on-call for them, and I clipped my phone to my belt all day long and slept with it by my head all night. Then one morning I woke up to get ready for work at 7:30am, and my husband was like "Omg they called and we didnt wake up!!" They had called 3 times from 1:00am to 5:30am, leaving messages wondering where I was. By the time I called them, they had given up and baby had been born around 7:00am. In this situation, I hadn't left them stranded with no labor support, because they had another doula who was there, but I felt *horrible* for not taking advantage of the opportunity they had given me.

I brought them flowers and baby gifts that morning, and left their hospital room with my tail between my legs.

I DEFINITELY LEARNED MY LESSON THOUGH! That is the only birth I've ever missed, and now when I'm on call, I make sure to get enough rest and program my mental alarm clock to awaken at the sound of the phone. I understand how horrible you feel, but remember that each experience, positive or negative, builds on your skills and your awareness as a doula.

birthrightrose · 03-15-2008, 06:54 PM

Could you send me a PM with your location? I may be able to provide back up for you if we are close enough! I am on the southern shores of Lake Michigan in Indiana. Who knows...if you get reliable back up you may never have to use it! LOL!!

Birthrightrose

Shannon K. · 03-17-2008, 12:07 AM

I missed a birth once ~ several weeks before my client's due date I went with my daughter to pick her wedding dress about two hours away. As I was just leaving to go home, mom's MIL called to tell me mom was on her way to the hospital with pretty intense contracts. She had been laboring at home ALL DAY and decided it was time. What? ALL DAY! No head's up? About five minutes later, I get a call from the hospital, mom is at 9cm and can I get there. No, but I'll see if I can find someone who can. A great doula got there just in time to help her birth the baby ~ about 40 minutes after mom got to the hospital. I felt really bad ~ but I would have bee there had mom given me notice that she thought she was in labor ~ but she said she didn't want to bother me.

mrausch · 03-17-2008, 10:50 AM

I have missed two births. When the one mom hired me, she was pregnant with her third baby, had always gone early, and knew I was scheduled to be out of town celebrating my 10th anniversary with my husband two weeks before she was due. She met my back up, who did attend her birth.

The other birth I missed was a twin mom who had taken Bradley classes from my friend, then decided to have a C-section under pressure from her doctor. She never called me until afterwards, and that was to try to get a full refund. I charge $150 up front with $300 after the birth. According to my contract, she still owed me the full amount. I refused to refund the deposit, but I did forgive the balance. That was hard and frustrating to deal with.
m