Births w/abnormalties

wccD · 05-27-2007, 04:04 PM

Was at the hospital last night with a client that is 31wks preg. Baby is expected either not to make thru labor or to pass shortly after.

She was sent home because she wasn't progressing (3cm, 90% effaced). So we are waiting. They don't want to intervene in anyway because she is early & because of the baby's condition. This will be my 4th client, my 3rd for cert. Any advice out there from others that have gone thru this or just general advice?

MyDreamDoula · 05-27-2007, 04:16 PM

No advice, just hugs

laboroflovedoula · 05-27-2007, 05:19 PM

support her as if her baby was healthy- same support and love- but ask her what her plans are for the birth regarding the baby- she needs to know what she wants ahead of time- like will she hold the baby just after the birth? will she want photos taken? help her to plan those few hours she has with the baby after the birth...and then help her achieve it.

wccD · 05-27-2007, 05:31 PM

Thank you so much for the advice so far. We have talked about what she would like once the baby gets here. I don't reality has completely settled in...but that is expected under such circumstances.

helpinghands · 05-27-2007, 07:09 PM

What a heart breaking situation

dorothyh · 05-27-2007, 08:30 PM

Like Teresa said, give her the support and love you'd give any client. This will be a hard road for them, and hard for you too, but know that your presence there is going to help them later on as they process all of this.

I will be praying for your client and her dh and their little one, and for wisdom for you too as you support them through this.

DoulaCBE · 05-27-2007, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wccD

Thank you so much for the advice so far. We have talked about what she would like once the baby gets here. I don't reality has completely settled in...but that is expected under such circumstances.

Do you know if the baby has physical external deformities, or is there an internal issue?

Sometimes it's helpful to point out the beautiful aspects baby has, because our natural tendency is to focus on what's wrong. Admire the baby, ask who baby looks like, grieve with them, but not to the point that they feel they must comfort you.

Meet them where they're at, first and foremost, then use the above as appropriate.

Also, avoid platitudes. A simply "I'm so sorry" goes a very long way for a grieving parent.

BirthBuddy · 05-28-2007, 06:32 AM

I just want to echo what everyone else has said.

Support her normally, and take cues from her whether she wants the birth upbeat or somber and respectfully solemn. (My friend had a 28 weeker and had no idea if he'd survive, but she wanted people to be cheerful and bright around her not hushed and morose).

Just hold her, hug her, and let her know that you are there and you care. Let her talk if she wants to, else just be with her. It helps... Don't talk about it 'being for the better', or that she is 'young and can have more babies' etc. Those things hurt a lot...

Do encourage her to hold her baby. And do take photos - Even if she thinks she doesn't want them, she will be grateful for them later.

Also encourage her to look at her whole baby. I had a 25 weeker, and she did not survive. I have 2 bad photos (which I cherish). But I never really SAW her. I held her for a short while and she died in my arms, but I kept her bundled up (wanting her to be warm...) I wish I had unwrapped her and really taken all of her in...

All the best to her, her baby and you.

*HUGS*

rhythmsofgrace · 05-28-2007, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirthBuddy

Do encourage her to hold her baby and do take photos. Even if she thinks she doesn't want them, she will be grateful for them later.

My cousin was born premature and did not make it. My mother and I got to dress her and get her ready for presentation to the parents for the funeral. I regret to this day that I didn't take some pictures of her. She was absolutely beautiful! You may find that in a couple months or a year, they will want to see their child's face again.

Blessings and lots of hugs your way as you support and care for this dear mom!

birthsister · 05-29-2007, 12:00 AM

thinking of you and your clients....

something else you can do is find out from the hospital what kinds of "options" they have available - e.g., some do foot print casts. If they don't, you can pick up a kit fairly cheaply at Walmart or Hobby Lobby.

wccD · 05-29-2007, 06:29 PM

I apologize for not responding to all of the wonderful & supportive posts but as you will read my cl has been in labor all this time.
Thank you so much for all of the advice, hugs, and prayers!

I got the 1st call Sat night. We were @ the hospital 5hrs & were sent home because of lack of progression. I got the 2nd call Sun night. She was having extensive back pain & throwing up. I met her @ the hospital and her mom showed up about 1hr later. I did alot of massaging of her back & getting her into multiple positions. I got her tons of pillows, dimmed the lights, no tv, a heated pad, massaged her legs & feet. I had crossword puzzles, we colored. Everything was very calm & quiet. Soon she became really tired & complaining about her back alot. She had already tried the shower multiple times and didn't want to try anymore. Becuase she was so early in preg she hadn't been thru any birthing classes and I to talked with her about pain meds (She was asking to have an epidural). The only one she knew of was an epidural. I explained to her we could start off w/ something a little less intensive since she was doing so great relaxing & breathing through all of her ctxs. She was given nubane around 11:30pm & went to sleep around 11:40pm. She slept (got up only to use restroom) until about 6am. The dr was going to send her home again because they thought that she had the flu & it was bringing on ctxs that weren't progressive. I silently prayed for her water to break or something. I felt that she had been going at this so long and considering what would be happening once the baby was born she didn't need to go through an extra long drawn out labor. Before they sent her home they decided to chck her one more time....she had jumped from 3 cm dil to 6 cm dil! Needless to say, they ended up keeping her! Around 8am she asked for another dose of nubane & slept until 12:30pm. The dr broke her water @ 1:30pm (she was 8cm now!) the baby was born @ 2:45pm. I wanted to help make her labor as smooth as possible and for her to have slept through most of it I think that was as smooth as it could get. I know that natural is the best way but with the circumstances I think a smooth labor was more important.
After this experience I felt very privileged to be able to be there for her and that she didn't have to go it alone. Her mom was there but she was not active in the entire progress as she was sleep & had left for 8 out of the 20 hrs of labor. Doulas truly do serve a purpose in our community.

b'earth angel · 05-29-2007, 08:18 PM

Thanks for sharing, my heart aches for this momma.

aetrusty · 05-29-2007, 09:10 PM

I'm assuming the baby has abnormalities that will mean that he/she won't survive long.

There is an organization http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ that will take pictures of the baby for the parents to keep. This is a volunteer organization so there are no charges for this service.

The website has some really beautiful photos and you can find someone in your area on that site as well.

wccD · 05-29-2007, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aetrusty

I'm assuming the baby has abnormalities that will mean that he/she won't survive long.

There is an organization http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ that will take pictures of the baby for the parents to keep. This is a volunteer organization so there are no charges for this service.

The website has some really beautiful photos and you can find someone in your area on that site as well.

Baby passed away after 1 hour.

brilliant · 05-29-2007, 09:47 PM

my heart aches for the family. you have done a wonderful thing in supporting her.