Doula, friend, partner?

DoulaCBE · 05-27-2007, 08:53 PM

I have a prospective client right now who has no partner, no family and no friends to be with her at the birth of her baby.

I gave her a copy of my contract and she's concerned that I don't speak to the staff on her behalf because she feels she might get to a place and not be able to speak for herself and worries that she'll have no partner to stand in that space.

As a doula how would you handle this situation?

If you hold certifications that prohibit you from speakin for the client would you be willing to contract with the client in a way that allows you to place your certificaton aside and be just a "labor support" or "partner" to her?

How would you handle that in a birth environment where you are well known as "a doula?" Would you discuss it with her care providers before hand?

I've already spoken to her about my limitations and how I don't think it'll be an issue in our particular situation due to where she's planning on having her baby becasue the providers know me well and trust me. But I'm curious as to how other doulas would handle this situation.

shelldar · 05-28-2007, 12:10 AM

OK, so I'm going to give you my

but not sure how helpful I will be because I am still very new to this compared to you

I have supported a single woman, and it was a bit difficult in the fact that you can only give suggestions and let her know her options etc and that in the end it was all up to her. All I kept reminding her was of the birth plan she had made and the things that she was very adamant about from the get go. Mind you in the end it all went out the window with her ending up with a c/s and screaming at me to take the baby home with me when they took it out

Like I said not too helpful huh?

But I think that her having a good birth plan/preferences should help, and that having her caregivers have copies and discuss it with them beforehand.

Good luck with your decision and let us know how you get on

DoulaCBE · 05-28-2007, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelldar

OK, so I'm going to give you my

but not sure how helpful I will be because I am still very new to this compared to you

I have supported a single woman, and it was a bit difficult in the fact that you can only give suggestions and let her know her options etc and that in the end it was all up to her. All I kept reminding her was of the birth plan she had made and the things that she was very adamant about from the get go. Mind you in the end it all went out the window with her ending up with a c/s and screaming at me to take the baby home with me when they took it out

Oh man. Was she ok with everything after the fact?

This prospective client isn't due until November, but if she hires me I'll absolutely update.

Stacie · 05-28-2007, 12:15 AM

I wonder if she would consent to having an advanved directive-type document written up? To see about making you her temporary health care proxy? Might be something that could be easily signed in the hospital, or maybe with a notary beforehand?

Good question!

DoulaCBE · 05-28-2007, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stacie

I wonder if she would consent to having an advanved directive-type document written up? To see about making you her temporary health care proxy? Might be something that could be easily signed in the hospital, or maybe with a notary beforehand?

Good question!

Interesting idea!

Stacie · 05-28-2007, 12:20 AM

I wanted to let you know I have supported many single women with no other support, and I have never had the situation Shelldar shared, lol, because if I had, I would have been serious (my best friend lost her uterus and if someone mentioned not wanting a baby, my ears would have perked up!). I did take a client's baby home once, after this single client had to be rehospitalized due to hypertension (I believe the story is in my doula-network blog). That was only because as a single mother, there was no one else to care for her. I didn't mind, and it all turned out good

.

DoulaCBE · 05-28-2007, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stacie

I did take a client's baby home once, after this single client had to be rehospitalized due to hypertension (I believe the story is in my doula-network blog). That was only because as a single mother, there was no one else to care for her. I didn't mind, and it all turned out good

.

That's great that you were able to fill that role!

Stacie · 05-28-2007, 12:22 AM

Okay, serial posting, but I would contact your DONA Area rep to see is she has ideas for you, if she hires you.

I have to say, there is a different feeling when you are Mama's sole support -- it is harder, but it is so rewarding

.

Stacie · 05-28-2007, 12:26 AM

Here's the story -- obviously I did many things out of my scope

, but they were necessary, and I just couldn't claim to be a DONA Doula as I did them

. i even talked to someone at "headquarters" about it, lol.

http://www.alldoulas.com/forums/z/bl...ntry&entryid=4

DoulaCBE · 05-28-2007, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stacie

Here's the story -- obviously I did many things out of my scope

, but they were necessary, and I just couldn't claim to be a DONA Doula as I did them

. i even talked to someone at "headquarters" about it, lol.

http://www.alldoulas.com/forums/z/bl...ntry&entryid=4

Oh Stacie, that's such a moving story!

Stacie · 05-28-2007, 12:40 AM

It was a highlight of my doula career

.

1stimestar · 05-28-2007, 12:49 AM

I've supported several single moms, mostly ones whose husbands were deployed. Really promote discussion between momma and her careprovider. While she think she may not be able to speak up for herself, most of them actually are. If she is worried that her birth plan wont be followed and she will have to fight about it during her birth, perhaps she needs to change locations so she can feel more confident that her wishes will be followed. Good luck.

DoulaCBE · 05-28-2007, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar

I've supported several single moms, mostly ones whose husbands were deployed. Really promote discussion between momma and her careprovider. While she think she may not be able to speak up for herself, most of them actually are. If she is worried that her birth plan wont be followed and she will have to fight about it during her birth, perhaps she needs to change locations so she can feel more confident that her wishes will be followed. Good luck.

Great advice.
I'm really not worried about her birth plan not being followed because it looks like she'll be using our local Birth Center and they're awesome.

Due to my relationship with the midwives at the birth center I could push the envelope when it comes to speaking for a client, but I don't think I'll have to. They respect me enough to ask if I know a client's feelings on things anyway.

tlcdoula · 05-28-2007, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar

I've supported several single moms, mostly ones whose husbands were deployed. Really promote discussion between momma and her careprovider. While she think she may not be able to speak up for herself, most of them actually are. If she is worried that her birth plan wont be followed and she will have to fight about it during her birth, perhaps she needs to change locations so she can feel more confident that her wishes will be followed. Good luck.

I have also supported many, many single mothers and never once was there an issue with her not being able to speak for herself. If there was that meant she wasn't confident in her healthcare provider or doctor so we explored that more. When a woman feels very supported by her medical team then she usually isn't as concerned about not being heard!

I would highly explore how comfy she feels with the care she will get. I would also not go outside my scope especially if this hospital, its staff and doctor know you are a doula. You do that just once and they will question you and not be as comfy with you from here on out.