critique the content of my placenta services page please
so i just finished my write up and haven't sent it to the web guru yet. please check out the following and let me know what you think, content-wise (since it isn't web-formatted yet). does it need more information or is it too long already? does it make reasonable sense to the average open-minded person or do you feel like you have to know all about Traditional Chinese Medicine and Homeopathy in order to get it? are the links good or do i need more? i already know that a lot of people will just think "EWWWW!!" when they hear about it but besides that, how does it sound to you? i'd love everybody's feedback.
thanks
i have deleted my write up because as of today, i have found at least 5 (!) people who have copied and pasted portions or entire sections for the content of their site. seriously newbies, get some professionalism. i'm tired of threatening to send takedown orders to your ISPs and this sort of thing makes me not want to share my info or help anybody.
Last edited by raeben; 01-14-2011 at 03:32 AM.
Reason: i hate plagiarism and i will shut you down
I think it is excellent. A good amount of information without being overwhelming. I also knew very little about ways to use/prepare the placenta before reading this, and I felt like it wasn't too "inside baseball," if you know what I mean.
A couple of things that jumped out at me (I'm a copy editor, can you tell?):
"tonify Qi" — I know a lot of words, but I don't know the word "tonify" and it's not in my dictionary. Is this a word that most of your audience will know?
"the placenta solids can be strained off to create a long lasting..." —I might change this to "strained off to leave a long-lasting" because otherwise it's unclear whether it's the solids or the liquids are what is considered the tincture (especially if your reader doesn't already know what a tincture is).
In your "how to prepare" section: If I were a mom reading this, I would be uncertain whether I need to bring my own container or baggies to the hospital or birthing center. If you know the answer to this, you might add it in. (Maybe that's just a minor detail though.)
Certified Labor Doula, Certified Perinatal Educator, Level II Reiki Certified
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Sounds good, Ive been working on this too for some marketing material. It can be hard to describe what it is, how its done, and the benefits without getting too wordy or two techincal.
Raeben, I just was trying to open the link to the video and it didn't work.
hmmmmm the link still works for me. i think instead of having a link i will just try to have the video play directly on my page because of all of the super sketchy adds on the metacafe hosting site. you can see it here too though - it's the second one down "we can be much kinder"
I think it's quite well written. It's incredibly thorough. It may be somewhat longer than most people are willing to read through, however. (I say this as someone who has a ridiculously wordy website. I keep trying to tighten it up, but then my eyes glaze over and I'm overwhelmed by the need to go play Jewel Quest.)
I think you could consider splitting it into information to gain clients and information clients need once they've hired you for the service. The stuff under "you will need to be prepared" could be part of the paperwork you give clients. The dosage information is also the kind of thing that could be deleted and just given to clients.
On the other hand, it's interesting for people to see just as doula clients, even if they don't go ahead with encapsulation. Might make them think about a few things. I'm not saying anything *needs* deleting, just thinking through what *could* be deleted if you decide it's too long.
The one other thing I'm noticing on re-reading is that I don't quite understand the "(Optional, includes fee)" notation wrt the homeopathic remedy. From that I can't tell whether it's an extra service that you are not charging extra for (the fee for the optional service is included in your overall fee, whether I want it or not) or whether it's meant to indicate that there is a separate fee that needs to be included as part of ordering this optional service. People shouldn't have to go down to that section and read through it in order to understand what the original notation means.
Great information! I'm looking forward to seeing it when you're ready to go live.
It's great! I thought it was laid out nicely and I like your disclaimer! Gosh, if Rean thinks that's long, she'll HATE mine!!! (but I'm doing an entire site, not just a page on my doula site)
One thing that I had a hard time with was understanding the part about the placenta remedies and 6c and so on. I may be in the minority but I still have no idea what that means.
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(but I'm doing an entire site, not just a page on my doula site)
