How To Say No

[AussieDoula]

Okay, I have a question about how other Doulas turn down clients/potential clients...
Some of the issues I have run into are that the people in my community mistake Postpartum Doula services with being related to Maid or Nanny services (despite being outlined in the pamphlets I print out and distribute). For those mamas, I am comfortable referring them to a cleaning or babysitting service who may better fit their needs (although I once left in tears from a house where the mama genuinely thought I was going to clean her house for free - this was a house where the trash was piled up around each room almost to the window sills with a path through the middle to walk from room to room ).

My main problem has become that this community is a small town with a LOT of old houses (some are virtually falling down!) and many of them are riddled with icky mold. I really don't wish to be in a hazardous environment (breathing potentially toxic mold), and I can't believe that many women bring their newborns back to these homes.

Anyway, how do I tell these women that I can't provide postpartum services for them? I feel terrible and I hate saying no to people. I've never been in this position before with my postpartum work, but the area we now live in is... different, lol. I understand referring them to other specialists around town, but in the case of a cesarean where the mama can't drive to those other specialists (LC's, support groups, etc) I just feel like I can't drop them as clients. I consider postpartum help to be so crucial to some of these mamas, but I don't want to put my own health at risk for it (gagging when entering their homes)...

*sigh* What do I do?

Forgot to add: most of my potential postpartum clients I meet for the first time IN their homes, so I'm not already committed to them (although I do feel a sense of responsibility to them anyway), but I still feel terrible knowing they made the first step to call me and needing help. I just can't get over that first hump of saying "I don't think we'd be a good match".

There are NO other Doulas (birth or postpartum) for over an hour's drive in any direction. It's just me... So does anyone have any advice or suggestions?

[HamiltonBirthRevolution]

Well, perhaps yoou can fib and come up with a standard "I'm so sorry, but there is a conflict in my scheduling. I'd be happy to refer you..." .

I don't know how I could do it any other way than that, if I decided after a prelim meeting that there would be a barrier to my accepting a client.

Of course, there is also the option of mentioning that a particular barrier would be a condition of your signing a contract with the mother.

[AussieDoula]

Fibbing, hehehe!

I am a terrible fibber (and I don't much like doing it anyway), LOL! I pretty much think to myself that the mama would assume that if I was meeting her for an initial consultation, that I would be available sometime to help her, lol.

I think I would just feel devastated if I flubbed someone off and kept saying "Oh, sorry, I'm already booked up" and it ruined her confidence in other areas, like she might feel upset or embarrassed that after only one time of meeting her I was suddenly giving her the "cold shoulder/runaround" (NOT my intention ofcourse, but I would hate for her to feel that way). I'm sure she would be wondering what she said/did/looked/etc that made me run, lol!

Thanks so much for the advice though!

[tlcdoula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AussieDoula Fibbing, hehehe! I am a terrible fibber (and I don't much like doing it anyway), LOL! I pretty much think to myself that the mama would assume that if I was meeting her for an initial consultation, that I would be available sometime to help her, lol. I think I would just feel devastated if I flubbed someone off and kept saying "Oh, sorry, I'm already booked up" and it ruined her confidence in other areas, like she might feel upset or embarrassed that after only one time of meeting her I was suddenly giving her the "cold shoulder/runaround" (NOT my intention ofcourse, but I would hate for her to feel that way). I'm sure she would be wondering what she said/did/looked/etc that made me run, lol! Thanks so much for the advice though!

Unfortunately somewhere along the line you will have a conflict even though you meet with a mama. I have had this happen - a mama signs a contact and I am to start with her when her baby arrives and she comes home from the hospital. I do not know the exact date of her baby's birth, but since she signed a contract first she is the one I committed to first. Just because you go to the interview doesn't necessarily mean you will have to commit. Someday you will have other clients.

I think the other thing is that you do not have to give a decision right in front of her on the spot. If I have a family that I do not "like" or do not feel a connection to or feel like I couldn't work with them I do not give them a contract, but instead end my visit with them by saying something like that it was nice to meet them and that I would encourage them to talk as a couple and to think about whether what we discussed fits their needs and whether they feel we would be a good match and that I will be doing the same. Honestly when stated about being a good match I think that many times if a family doesn't feel a connection it will get them thinking about "well I don't have to hire her." Have you thought about the possibility that they might feel obligated to hire you just as you feel obligated to take the job because you met? Give them an "out" because they might take it.