Rather stumped

DoulaSusan · 11-12-2006, 10:14 AM

I took a last minute pp job for part time over the next two weeks. Over the phone, the mom said she would like breastfeeding support and help at night. I'm working 9-6am. Get there last night and she wanted to sleep the entire night. I asked her if she wanted to get up to nurse at all and she said that she would pump in her room and give it to them (twins) in the am. I tried to explain supply and demand and I understand that she needs rest, but I feel like a glorified babysitter. My last client with twins slept a block of about 4-5 hours because she hadn't slept more than 2 since the babies were born. It also seems that this client doesn't want to breastfeed anymore. Bummer. But not my children, right?

I just feel torn. There is one side that says to me: do what the client wants - you are serving her needs. Her need right now is rest. But the other part of me wants to give her money back and suggest that she find a night nanny. It is only a 5 night job, so there is yet another part that says to suck it up and do a great job and get another great referral.

Suggestions?

ETA: Well, the client beat me to the punch. She cancelled my services as she said I didn't do the things in my contract. I guess we should have discussed better what she expected of me. I didn't think she didn't want me to do laundry at 11 pm. Live and learn. I did tell her that she needed a nanny/housekeeper, not a ppdoula.

MyDoulaStacia · 11-12-2006, 12:40 PM

I'm sorry that wasn't a better experience for you Susan.
I guess what you can take away from it is communication is key.
I do however agree with you that you need to follow their cues as to what makes them comfortable and happy. Just like a birth doula, it is about what the client wants regardless of how we think things should be done.
I hope your next pp job is one that leaves you feeling uplifted.

DoulaSusan · 11-12-2006, 12:45 PM

Thanks so much for your reply. My gut instinct was correct. I am rewording my contract, however, and will ask if they want the baby's laundry done at midnight - lol.

tlcdoula · 11-12-2006, 01:38 PM

Wow, that is weird that she wanted you to do laundry in the middle of the night. Personally if I were to do night pp doula work I wouldn't be doing those things. In fact the doulas in my area will sleep when the baby sleeps and they let the families know that. She needs a nanny and housekeeper.

sacredma · 11-12-2006, 07:17 PM

hi,
i think if you reword your contract, you should write something about night doulas, like i only get up with the baby, do not do laundry or housework at that time.
i dont do it, but i was on a job that i referred to 2 women that do it, and they just had to get up with the baby, in this case the baby was not breastfeeding, so the parents basically wanted a little break to sleep as they alternated the other nights.
i think that anyone that wants a night doula is basically looking for a baby nurse, but they dont want someone in their house all the time.
i had a client with twins and c sec and although she said she wanted to breastfeed, really all she wanted to do was sleep. i worked for her during the day and basically did all the baby care. her and her husband alternated nights. when i would suggest that she needed to pump, she would say, yeah i know and then didnt so after a while i just backed off and accepted that she was going to just feed them similac.
like you said, it's not my baby, but it still made me feel sad for them that their mother just gave their care over to me and didnt even want to interact with them much when i was there.
so communication is key..saying what you do and dont do is very important and also being flexible to your clients needs, might not be how we want to do it.....

1stimestar · 11-12-2006, 08:11 PM

Ugh. Did you ask her why she hired a pp DOULA if she wanted a babysitter/maid? Too many people think that PP Doulas are just housekeepers that will also take care of baby. Glad she/you realized it was not the correct match. Personally it would be difficult for me to work with someone like that. (I don't do PP work.)

DoulaSusan · 11-12-2006, 08:48 PM

[quote=sacredma]hi,
i think if you reword your contract, you should write something about night doulas, like i only get up with the baby, do not do laundry or housework at that time.
quote]

I have! Thanks. Besides, I rest while baby rests. I'm not scrubbing tiolets at 2 am. Call Molly Maids or something like that - lol.

Lesson learned. I have another friend looking over my contract. More eyes, kwim?

She kept asking me about how she was to pay me. She wanted to pay night by night. I want money up front at the beginning of each week. For longer jobs, I might reevaulate, but this was a quickie. Hindsight is 20/20. I keep thinking about all the questions and statements. I really think she did not want a ppdoula. I think her mother was insisting (her mom paid me), but what she probably wanted was someone to take complete control over the house. She kept referring to her children as "the girl" and "the boy." I found that a little odd.

Thanks so much. Keep the responses coming.