Negative Feedback

rowansmomCT · 02-14-2007, 08:02 PM

How do you deel with negative feedback? A client who I thought was great and loved having me apparently didn't and suddenly out of the blue decided to discontinue services. Her expplanation was she felt pressured and judged. I never felt like I did any of that. But I may have come off strong when she started copnversations and I was agreeing with her on certain points.

Do you go back to her and apologize or just leave it alone. and How did you deal with it emotionally, because this is really affecting me and how I view myself

ctowndoula · 02-14-2007, 08:55 PM

If it were me...I would send a card or note apoligizing and offering to listen/asking for help in what I might have said that made her feel this way. I would state that it was very upsetting to me that I might have had this effect on someone and that I would appreciate any extra feedback they would feel comfortable giving me. I would ask them to feel free to contact me by phone, email, or post mail. I would thank them for allowing me to be a part of their babymoon.
Then I would try to let it go. Especially, if they don't respond!

Amydoula · 02-14-2007, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctowndoula

If it were me...I would send a card or note apoligizing and offering to listen/asking for help in what I might have said that made her feel this way. I would state that it was very upsetting to me that I might have had this effect on someone and that I would appreciate any extra feedback they would feel comfortable giving me. I would ask them to feel free to contact me by phone, email, or post mail. I would thank them for allowing me to be a part of their babymoon.
Then I would try to let it go. Especially, if they don't respond!

yes, all of the above. Have you taken a postpartum doula training class yet? If not it might be a great way to get some ideas/techniques to help.

rowansmomCT · 02-14-2007, 09:42 PM

yes i have. and this is not my first client. (it's my 2nd ) =)

tlcdoula · 02-15-2007, 08:42 AM

I would send a card and apologize and then with my next client I would let them know right up front that open communication is key. I would let them know that since it is a new relationship it is important that if I am doing something wrong she let me know right away and if I am not doing something again she lets me know that too.

Neshama · 02-15-2007, 01:48 PM

Oh my!
what an awful situation! Dont you hate it when you think everything is fine and then you get HIT with something like that? Oy!
I dont know what I would do! I think that the responses already given are good ideas however.
I'm sure we all will/have come upon this kind of situation in one way, shape, or form.
As somebody mentioned before, open communication is KEY. *taking notes*
good luck with that!

sadevan · 02-15-2007, 03:17 PM

I'm sorry. I think sometimes, that our passion comes through wrong, like we have a specific plan for THEIR birth.

I know I've said things, only to realize after that it probably doesn't sound supportive.

rowansmomCT · 02-15-2007, 05:35 PM

that's the thinng I'm trying to learn. How to be SUPPORTIVE and still help them when they ask questions.

Liebe Mutti · 03-03-2007, 12:32 AM

I was very insecure after the birth of my first and it didn't matter what people said to me to help, I took it the wrong way. Nursing was going all wrong and anything anyone suggested I literally took the wrong way. I don't know if it were the hormones or what it was. I felt like everyone new better than I did. I didn't say anything to anyone, but didn't want people around doing everything better. I guess I saw everyone else as compitent and myself as incompetent. I had a lot of experience with babies and expected everything to be a lot easier even though I had never breastfed before. Maybe you didn't do anything wrong, did you consider that? Hormones do strange things to you pp. Maybe the mom wants to do everything herself, for her ego. I think what the girls suggested are great ideas. I just thought this might change the perspective in which we see things. I am not saying that the mom feels like I did, but maybe there is a simple explanation that is embarrassing to her. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Tina

b'earth angel · 03-03-2007, 07:10 PM

Sorry, sending you hugs! I'm the also kind of person who would want to know what I did or didn't do wrong! Maybe you could make up a non-threatening questionaire that you could send her to fill out. Something that she could do annonomously??

happy heartsong · 03-08-2007, 05:49 PM

As a midwife, I had a client who left both me and another homebirth midwife saying she "felt judged in her process". She ended up with a hospital birth with CNM's. My take is that she had a lot of issues that she did not want folks getting into with her. I am not just surmising this as she did have medical history. People have different tolerances for intimacy and sometimes it is scary to them. They are judging themselves for being (bad mother, fat, wimp, etc.) and project that you are too.
I like the ideas others have put forth. We all need some good ways to get feedback to improve our practices.