Talking Too Much?

jenstano · 07-06-2007, 02:49 AM

Hi, all!

I am a very talkative person and am really worried that I will talk too much when I am supporting a woman in labour!!!

Just as I love to get massages and really don't like when I get a talkative masseuse

, I really don't want to get up anyone's nose by blabbering too much!!

How much is too much? Do you just let the woman start any talk? Hmmmm.

Cheers, y'all!

helpinghands · 07-06-2007, 09:23 AM

I have found that you will learn how to "be" at a birth.. follow the woman's lead. It helps if you have a prenatal relationship where you have had time to learn her wishes, her mannerisms, etc. But..I have always been able to discern.

AmandaB · 07-06-2007, 09:59 AM

I am a talkative person too. I find that I get very humble when I am with a labouring mom, so much of my effort is focused on mom that I forget about me (which can be a bad thing, my punishment is a charlie horse the next morning). I think you will find your groove, it really is an incredible moment that time melts away and it alters who you are. So I find I am much better at listening then I was before I started this journey.

liwabuchi · 07-06-2007, 10:11 AM

i suffer from blabber mouth too, i find it to be most challenging at my meeting than at the birth it self. the setting of the birth is what puts me in labor talk mode. my voice is toned lower and i speak softer. just seeing mom in labor clicks the switch in my head. it not even a choice i have to remind my self i made it just happens.

doulamo · 07-06-2007, 10:15 AM

I talk to much too! i sometimes get caught up in the moment and say too much or just seem to happy in moments when silence may be needed! I am still learning though

Ceci · 07-08-2007, 11:57 PM

I think it just takes a while to find your stride and of course every mom is different and some really like the talking while others seem to prefer a more silent presence.

I just try to remember that quote about "God gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion"

naturalcuriosity · 07-09-2007, 01:14 AM

It takes a while to be able to sense when to just shut up. I really just follow the womans lead. If she is acting chatty, I will follow suit, but mainly let her do the talking. If not, just calm reassuring words when needed are enough. Like Jenni said, you will learn to just "be" at the birth.

Intuitivedoula · 07-09-2007, 01:37 AM

I try to take cues from the woman....if I'm not sure I will ask. Some women will talk with you in between contraction and you get the feeling it is ok...but other times you can "sense" that she would like it quiet. If I really need to talk to my assistant or the doula at the birth, I will go in another room.

Carla

DoulaCBE · 07-09-2007, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intuitivedoula

I try to take cues from the woman....if I'm not sure I will ask. Some women will talk with you in between contraction and you get the feeling it is ok...but other times you can "sense" that she would like it quiet. If I really need to talk to my assistant or the doula at the birth, I will go in another room.

Carla

Sign language, a life saver at times LOL
I actually had a dream of working with a midwife who uses sign language. I now know who that midwife is, but I'm not in a position yet to avail myself to her as an assistant or apprentice. One day, I'm pretty certain we're meant to work together, only time will tell.

But I agree, take cues from the woman and you usually never go wrong. Most clients like that I often have a sharp sense of humor and really get irreverent about things that most get up tight about when it comes to birth. So I've been known to crack an appropriate joke to lighten the mood, but it's also vital to know when NOT to go there. I think that most doulas, even the chattiest of us, usually "get it" pretty quickly. Family members, no so much.

raeben · 08-13-2007, 04:23 PM

i have a pretty strong personal and professional opinion on talkative people in the birth space.

personally, i would never hire a doula who seemed like a "chatty cathy" or a "blabermouth" because i just know it wouldn't work well with my personality. this is why it is a good idea for a woman to interview several different doulas, pick the one she "meshes" with the best and have a good prenatal relationship so both parties can feel comfortable with each other.

professionally, i believe that a lot of talking in the labor space is counterproductive and even harmful to the bio-dynamic progress of labor. michale odent (sp?) and others have written a lot about how things like dim lights, a comfortable (and even cave-like) space and very little talking help the mama move out of her neocortex (the logical, thinking, talking, fearing, pain-increasing part of the brain) and into her intuitive, instinctual, birthing brain. it drives me nuts when i have been vocalizing (but not talking) with the mama and she is in a really good rhythm and coping well, when all of the sudden, nurse Chatty McBlaberson barges in and asks a bunch of obvious questions in the middle of a contraction and then just keeps up a running dialog until the mama is totally out of sinc with her contractions, begins to experience a lot more pain, her labor slows down and her BP goes up.

i think a lot of fathers, family members, nurses unfamiliar with the natural progress of birth and even some doulas tend to talk to much in the birth space because they don't understand or trust the natural birth process. especially when labor gets intense, they feel like they need to "do" something: ask a lot of questions, offer too much encouragement (or drugs), distract the mama from her work, or distract themselves from the situation to make themselves more comfortable.

the role of a doula is not to "do" a lot of things to the mother but to "be" with her in whatever capacity she can. i just don't feel that talking a lot, especially during the second half of the labor, is really "being" with the mother.

jenstano · 08-13-2007, 11:42 PM

Thanks everyone for your input here.

Blessings,

jengordon · 09-06-2007, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raeben

the role of a doula is not to "do" a lot of things to the mother but to "be" with her in whatever capacity she can. i just don't feel that talking a lot, especially during the second half of the labor, is really "being" with the mother.

Mama Coltrane · 04-04-2008, 08:05 PM

I am a bit of a chatterbox too, but I have found that i really quiet down when I am with a laboring mama.
In fact, at my very first birth which was a HBAC with a long second phase, I lied down on the bed with the mama and held her hand and she just stared at me for the longest time. It seemed like an hour, although in reality it was probably less than that. Regardless, it was a very special moment for me, someone who often fills the air with too many words. i found that I was more than comfortable just being with the woman. i think that moment helped me as much as it helped the mama. She went on to have a healthy baby boy soon after the quiet, staring in my eyes moment. And I haven't stopped attending births since.

GentleBirth · 05-16-2008, 08:09 PM

I think that raeben put it perfectly how I feel. Sometimes I do get the feeling at a birth that I should be talking and somehow that will make me seem more helpful when infact I think a lot of the time it just would be annoying. I try to answer questions and give quiet praise on how well Mom is doing from time to time, but most of the time I try to be quiet and blend in.

doula Michele · 05-17-2008, 10:30 AM

It totally depends on the client and what she wants. I am pretty chatty, but can also be pretty quiet. Most of the women I work with do like the chit chat, especially in between ctx.
I definatly enjoy the chatty births much more. Especially where the dad talks alot too, and then we all laugh and joke and share stories.