"My Ideal Birth" Exercise

GentlerBirth · 12-01-2006, 12:13 AM

Has anyone ever used this exercise in prenatals or classes with their clients? If so, how does it work? Wouldn't it only serve to set parents up with unrealistic expectations? I must be missing something! Thanks!

SereneDoula · 12-01-2006, 12:32 AM

In my one actual prenatal I explaned to the mom that there is an ideal birth just as there is an ideal marriage, job, life... That was kinda my starting point.

But husbands happen, bosses happen and life happens. Doesn't mean you can't make the most of all the above!

birthhands · 12-01-2006, 11:48 AM

I think it is a good idea to explore this "ideal birth" question. Because, whether the mother realizes it or not, she likely has a picture (even unconsciously) of how she *wants* this birth to go. It is important to have it spoken out, so that you can help to give a realistic picture and also to give her the tools she will need to accomplish different aspects of the birth. If the mother is birthing in the hospital, but has ideals that would be likely impossible to occur there (like labouring on her own timeline), then it is important to point that out so that she can either reevaluate where she gives birth, or has an idea of what it will take to get the birth she wants.

DouLaura · 12-01-2006, 12:10 PM

something else that I do with the ideal birth exrecise is ask them what their greatest fear of labor is. I have them work it into the "script" along with getting through it in a positive manner.
I have found this to be particularly effective for VBAC's.

Doula MaMa · 12-01-2006, 01:59 PM

Yes good point, Laura. Also this is a great time to throw in some coping skills. What will mom do to cope with her birth. How ever it goes. Will her coping skills change if her ideal birth does not happen. How open to her birth is she really. I don't use the words IDEAL BIRTH. But, it is a great way to go deeper. And to help MAMA realize her path of this birth. Great topic!!!

RosyDoula · 12-03-2006, 03:13 PM

A midwife who taught a holistic childbirth ed class said she has her clients do this with her, over and over at each prenatal and 80% of the time (in her words) the births end up that way. She also guides them to say they start labor in the morning and are tucked in with baby by 9pm. lol

Thats why I feel it is a valuable exercise to do.

MyDoulaStacia · 12-03-2006, 05:02 PM

I did this with my last client as I just found out about using it.
Her first birth was an awful experience.
During her "Ideal Birth" excercise I told her to spend time envisioning it.
Well, besides her water breaking a 1/2 hour before contractions started it all went according to plan! She said it was so very helpful having that in her mind as to how it could be and trusing in the experience.

doulafava · 12-03-2006, 07:02 PM

I did this in the form of birth art during my pregnancy. I drew all kinds of ridiculous details, including what the weather would be like and what outfit I'd be wearing. I contrasted it with several drawings of "my worst fears" including unbearable pain, transport, a c-section etc., etc.

I think it helped me to visualize the extremes and possibilities. In the same way processing the fears took away their power, dealing with my "dream birth" helped me sort out fantasy from reality. The visual aspect helped me get out of my head and explore the emotions behond by hopes and fears. Its definitely something I'm going to do with my clients.

In any case, its something fun for the scrapbook I'll someday get around to making

blissfulbirths · 03-08-2007, 10:35 AM

i think, if nothing else, it's a good starting point for finding the differences between realistic and unrealistic goals and to talk about the difference between "failure," (something i don't think exists in birth but a word too many mamas will tag a hard birth with) and "normal but not ideal." kwim?

sunmama · 03-08-2007, 10:56 AM

I agree it is a good idea to seperate fantasy from reality, but also it is good to keep those positive affirmations of what birth CAN be. The more we focus on what we want the closer we will be to getting it! On the contrary, the more we focus on the negative, the more we invite the negative to be present. Birth is definitely influenced by our minds, as we all know! I like the ideal birth exercise to open up to all the possibilities in a birht experience.

UtahDoula · 03-08-2007, 11:26 AM

I'm not at all familar with the specific exercise you're discussing, but I do ask my clients to tell me about their "If you got all your hopes and dreams for this birth" scenario. Once they've told me all about it, I ask them what they are doing to get it. Have they chosen a care provider who practices in a style that is conducive to what they want? Can they realiztically get the birth they want in their chosen birthplace? Quite often the answer is "no" - and we can talk about the choice they have to make - give up the dream or change to a different care provider or birth place. Then I'll ask them how much time & effort they are putting into practicing the techiques they are leaning in their chosen "flavor" or childbirth classes. Because you can't sit back and just hope - puting in the effort increases their chances of havings things go the way they want.
Sometimes I compare birth to a wedding. You can't just look at Bride magazine and dream - in order to have the wedding you want, you have to hire a caterer who can do your dream menu (or cook the food yourself!), the right florist, shop around for the perfect dress, and put in a lot of legwork! And even if you hire a wedding planner (doula) - you can't leave it all in her hands, because her taste and desires are probably not the same as yours.
And then I tell about my wedding - all nicely planned to the last detail - and then my bridemaid got in a car accident on the drive from another state and was in traction 300 miles away the day of my wedding, the caterer forgot to bring half the food and had to go back to her kitchen, making dinner 45 minutes late, etc. I had to make a choice that day, too - roll with it and enjoy the day anyway or spend the day stressing out and screaming at the caterer. I chose to enjoy the day and my memories of my wedding are better for it.
Sometimes the best laid plans go astray and all you can do is roll with it and enjoy what good comes.

ctowndoula · 03-08-2007, 02:22 PM

I like the one from the idea box; cards that have opposites on them and they have to keep narrowing down what is important to them. Helps couples realize that they do have an ideal in their mind, what they are willing to give up to get what they want, and give me a chance to explain how a cascade effect would work with their choices.
Game is like this:
Cards with an opposite on the other side: epidural/natural birth, skin-to-skin after birth/separtation of mom and baby, IV/ helplock or fluids by mouth, etc.
There are a tone of cards but they have to narrow it down to maybe 15, and then 10, and then five and then one...if you want to know more though you have to buy the box. I won't give away intellectual copyright.

truelife · 03-16-2007, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctowndoula

I like the one from the idea box; cards that have opposites on them and they have to keep narrowing down what is important to them. Helps couples realize that they do have an ideal in their mind, what they are willing to give up to get what they want, and give me a chance to explain how a cascade effect would work with their choices.
Game is like this:
Cards with an opposite on the other side: epidural/natural birth, skin-to-skin after birth/separtation of mom and baby, IV/ helplock or fluids by mouth, etc.
There are a tone of cards but they have to narrow it down to maybe 15, and then 10, and then five and then one...if you want to know more though you have to buy the box. I won't give away intellectual copyright.

I did this with one couple in a class and the mother totally broke down on me. I could not get her attention back, she cried, and was in a totally different world! I had to take a break and go call my MW/mentor for help! I do that exercise every time but one particular mom lost it!

Now I overly explain....

MIA-D · 03-16-2007, 05:07 PM

tell me about the idea box - where do I find it?

Heather

Julia · 04-04-2007, 10:34 PM

I like this idea, although I wouldn't want to use the phrase "ideal birth" because I would be afraid of my client feeling like a failure if she didn't obtain her ideal birth.

But I think it is valuable in order to get your client to find out if her health care provider is on the same page as she is about birth.