People have posted before about challenges that arise in doula work due to cultural differences.
I just came across a thread on Midwifery Today where a doula was asking for help in how to support a couple she was working for in which the father could not touch the mama during labor. Someone posted this wonderful story and response:
I know of a story of a couple who were Jewish Orthodox. The man was a rabbi, his wife's father was a rabbi, and his own fathter was a rabbi. The woman labored in the hospital, separated by a curtain around her bed from her husband, father and father-in-law. The doula at the birth said that she had never witnessed a woman being so completely supported, even though her husband could not even see her, much less touch her. He would call out to her with expressions of such intimate love and passion that it was almost too embarrassing for anyone else to be there. He would tell her that he loved her deeply, her milky breasts, her delicious lips, and on and on! She would call out to him that she loved him as deeply. The doula reported that she saw the silhouettes of the three rabbis as their backs rocked back and forth against the thin curtain separating them from the birthing woman, as they prayed and sang and chanted.
This doula has been referred by this couple to others in their Orthodox community. But this man apparently has no equal in terms of his ability to transmit his love to his wife from behind a curtain.
Therefore, I would suggest that you ask this couple what others in their community have done while they were birthing. They need to do a little homework of their own. Also, keep in mind that they must be used to this time of not being able to touch each other, as it is most likely menstrually related. How do they support each other when they're not in labor? Have them explore this between themselves, and ask others in their community. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for them to enhance their comminications skills, which will put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
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Jade Souza
Labor and Postpartum Doula
ICCE candidate
MotherLove Doula Services (Olympia, WA)
Proud mama of Stella Aberdeen (4/19/00) Ezra Kismet (11/19/05) and Solace William Sinclair (5/15/08) www.motherloveoly.net
These 8 Members Say "Thanks!" to Jadethedoula For This Post:
Wow, thanks for sharing. Isn't it awesome when we see a 'different' way of doing birth that's also beautiful?
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B'earth Angel the absentee doula "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetuate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."
I'm so glad I happened across this post. I am Jewish and would like to work with orthodox Jews in my community, but since I am reform and not orthodox, I don't know the ins and outs of what is allowed and disallowed. I am going to arrange to talk with a rabbi, but this was a wonderful introduction for me. Thank you.
I m an orthodox Jewish doula, and most of my clients are othodox.
In jewish law a man has to separate from his wife (no touching wen she is "nida". thisis when she has er monthly cycle until a week later when she goes to the ritual bath ans immerses, making her spiritually pure again.
In childbirth a woman also becomes nida, however the actual moment varies . Some define it as = when the woman can no longer stand alone, some from the pushing stage and some from earlier. Of course if there is blood flow before she may already be nida earalier on in labour.
A nida is not allowed to touch her husband or even pass him something. he is not allowed to sit on her bed,
Some couple will never touch each other in public at all , so may not be physically supportive all through a birth. Most husband want to be at a birth.
It is also forbidden to a man to look at his wife''s vaginal area, so even if a man is present he will stand at the head of the bed and suppor from there. Others prefer to stand behind a curtain and say psalms. (as in the story above) I ahve never yet had a client whose husband went out the room. israeli hopitals are very aaccomodating to their orthodox patients (maybe because tehy ten to have a lot of children - 8 is not a large family in some circles)
After birth the couple are not allowed to touch or even pass the baby (as a doula I am aware of this and am always there to be the go-between)
For life saving purposes if there was no one availble to help the mother and she was in labour, the man may do anything needed to save her or teh baby's life - includxing deilvering the baby - e.g.if it was a really fast delivery.
I have seen couple be totally supportive of each other without touching.
There are also blessings(prayers to be said after the baby is born)
