I posted this in the "in training" section before I saw there was a section for stories.


I'm currently in training with CBI (ALMOST done, just need to finish one more book review) and just attended my second birth yesterday.

41w mama, desired a natural water birth at a freestanding birth center with CNMs.

Mama says labor began around 6pm on Monday after a few days of irregular contractions. At 7pm she called me and had to stop to focus during contractions. At 10:30pm she called me and told me they were going to the birth center.

I get to the birth center and mama is still focusing through contractions but handling them very well. We walk. Mama is still at 2cm two hours later and contractions haven't gotten any stronger. CNM sends us all home. Mama labors all night and at 8am her mother calls me and says they're off to the birth center again. Mama is lightly moaning through contractions and has passed a lot more bloody show.

I meet them at the birth center at 8:30 and mama is definitely in active labor. She is checked and is 5cm. Dad and I take turns applying sacral pressure and hip squeezes while she sits on the birth ball. She can't get comfortable but prefers to sit - she has terrible hemorrhoids and any downward pressure makes her panic. At 9:00 she gets in the water and is laboring really well, first on her hands and knees and then in a semi-reclined sitting position. Mama gets nauseous so I put some peppermint EO in the water and she says it helps. I'm doing the best I can to support her, with verbal support and keeping her cool with cold washcloths but both midwives are essentially taking over doula-ing. I felt like I was just in the way a lot of the time. So I took some pictures.

At 10:30 or so she starts to feel lots of pressure and gets panicky about her hemorrhoids. This is where I really felt like my being there was pointless and things got out of control.

Midwife A keeps suggesting that mama gets out of the tub. Mama keeps saying that she really wants to birth in the water. Midwife A goes through all these reasons why she needs to get out - it's hurting her hemorrhoids, she needs to check her, etc. etc. - mama is adamant about staying in. Midwife B is just standing there, I can tell she really wants mama to stay in the water where she wants to be but I get the vibe that Midwife A kind of runs the show.

Mama is crying and finally gets out per Midwife A's incessant requests. She stands there and sways with dad while Midwife A checks her and Midwife B is on top of her with verbal support. I just stand there because there's nothing else for me to do. So I take some more pictures.

Midwife A starts telling mama that she needs to get on the bed. The bed is the LAST place mama wanted to birth. But Midwife A is relentless, telling her that the baby is going to drop out any second and she needs to get on the bed, she needs to just stop getting hung up on details and get on the bed to get her baby out. Mama is PLEADING with her to get back in the water. I ask if there is ANY WAY she can get back into the water and Midwife A glares at me and says that she NEEDS to get on the bed NOW.

Mama's crying, begging not to have to lie down, begging to go back in the tub, Midwife A guides her to the bed (puts her on her back). I am simultaneously taking pictures and filming the birth as dad has handed me a camcorder. Mama pushes for 40ish minutes and baby is born blue and unresponsive at 11:50. Cord is cut, baby is whisked away before mama even got to see her, and I'm standing there frozen - trying to tell mama that baby is okay, just needs some attention, don't worry, everything is fine...as I try to block her view of Midwife B trying to wake up the floppy and blue baby girl. Mama says "take pictures! I can't see her! I can't hear her!" and I pretend to fumble with the camera so I don't have to take pictures of her unconscious baby.

Finally baby is responsive. I take pictures of her as she begins to gurgle and pink up. After a while baby is handed to dad and mama is pleading with everyone to be able to see her. Midwife A sticks her with Pit without even asking and tells her to focus on getting the placenta out. Midwife A ends up tugging it out then literally digging inside mama to fish out the rest.



The birth was good in that mama got her natural birth, but that was pretty much the ONLY thing that went according to plan. I was foolish in thinking that a birth center meant it would be a happy, natural, empowering, mama-directed experience. Clearly, I have a LOT to learn. I'm also struggling with the feeling that I wasn't a good support to this couple at all. I did what I could but there were SO many people in the room and the midwives were SO involved. Two CNMs, an assistant, mama's mom, mama's husband, and me. In a tiny birth center room half the size of a hospital room. I did this birth for free for my certification, which I'm glad...because I don't feel like I did enough to justify a fee. I just feel.......yucky after this experience.

Our pp visit is Friday.

Any input, help with processing this, etc. is much appreciated.

I believe that midwife A knew there was a problem and that is why she insisted that mom get on the bed. The fact that baby was born with such a low apgar and that she had retained placenta are two pretty tricky situations. I would remind momma of that so that she knows, while she didn't get a water birth, there were other factors involved and midwife A knew something else was going on and wanted her to be safe.

yeaht that, plus how does the mom feel now about her birth? value her feelings and suggest she discuss any questions with midwife A so she has all the pieces of the puzzle...

First, I would probably stop thinking you were useless. You were there for support and to learn as a student doula. I would take it as a learning experience, when something is wrong with the baby things can get more haywire. For me, what I would do, is do the best job you possibly can. Jump in, even when you feel in the way sometimes, as sometimes the midwife might have done that as they felt like they needed to...when you see there is a problem help to encourage her that there is a reason she needs to get out of the water. Talk to the midwives and communicate.
It sounds like you did a good job in this hard situation and try to be there for the mom now afterwards too!