Hello Doulas!
I am, for the first time, going to an initial consultation where the Father will be present as well. I'm never nervous when it is just me and Mama, but the thought of meeting her and this admittedly skeptical Dad is making me get butterflies a little!

Are there any specific subjects I should definitely touch on that may make Dads who are skeptical of the importance of Doulas feel a bit more open to it? How have you spoken to the skeptics in the past?

Dads can sometimes worry about being pushed out of the picture. I will often talk about how I can teach him how to help her. Dads love to feel empowered or useful. They want to know there is something they can offer because this realm is so out of their hands and control. And they want to be included (for the most part). Dads also don't like to see their wives in pain and can tend to push the epidural because it is the only thing they know of that will get rid of it. Once I talk to them about how empowering natural birth is to the mom and what a bonding experience it can be for him to really be the "one" to help her through that they start to think of themselves as an important part of the team.... I remind him I am there to help if he needs a rest, bathroom break, meal break... it could be a very long day (or 2) This approach does seem to help. My motheres touch dvd includes one fathers comments about how a doula helped. Hope this helps. Best of luck at your meeting!

I really try to emphasize to Dads that I am not there to replace him at all. I am there to help the couple, not just Mom. If that means that all I do is make suggestions for comfort measures and positions and fetch and carry the whole time that is fine. I also point out how simply having an extra set of hands can be so helpful and gently point out that all Dad's react differently when their wives are in labour. Some Dad's are total rockstars and are right in there doing double hip squeezes and in the shower and everything. Then some dads find it completely over whelming and really appreciate having someone there to suggest what they can do. Just having a doula there can free Dads up to do really be there for mom without worrying about everything else.
I also keep Penny's Dads and Doulas handout on hand to give to them.

Janeya

I talk about how my job is support the family during labor, not just the mother. I let them know that an extra pair of experienced hands can be very helpful if, for example, mom wants dad to be in front of her holding her hands but also needs massage or pressure on her back or when dad needs to eat or go to the bathroom. I talk about how this experience is the dad's too - he is witnessing and participating in his own child's birth and it's a lot to ask of a dad to be everything to a mother - sole emotional, physical, informational support, advocate, and deal with his own experience. I discuss how important it can be to have someone at the labor who has seen normal birth and remains calm and encouraging in a situation where most dads have limited or no experience. I explain that my role is kind of like a toolkit - that most dads are intellectually supportive of their wife's desire for a natural birth but when they end up actually in the moment, they don't know what that looks like and that's where I can help. I can show him what kinds of touch and words are helpful. I can also be a source of information in labors where things are not going as planned. I can help them remember what questions they need to ask to help make decisions about interventions should they become necessary and be sounding board for helping to talk through their decisions.

Thank you all so much! I am meeting with them this evening, and after reading the replies here I am not nervous anymore. I'm excited! Such good points written here, thank you so much, ladies!

I will come back and let you know how it went.

Ha! Had to postpone the meeting until Sunday because I got called to a Birth! Smooth, fast delivery, by the way, sheer joy and happiness.

Update: I met with them both today, and it couldn't have gone better!
Dad had very typical worries that were easy to counter. He wants to be very very active in supporting her, which I love, and was worried that I wouldn't let him do that. After I explained that I was going to be working with him as well and leaving plenty of room for him to be as active as he'd like, he started smiling and said he felt better. :-)
They hired me on the spot, and both said they felt good about it and look forward to our first Prenatal visit. Yay!

yay!!

thank you so much for posting this!! I was actually coming on here to post something similar...i actually got a call today to set up an interview (my very first one ever!) and the mom really wants to have a doula but the dad is only so so, he doesnt understand why she needs one

Yayy congrats! I always ask for both partners to attend the initial consult so we can all be on the same page and to avoid having the mom have to sell the idea of a doula to a skeptical dad.

Wonderful! Congratulations.
bnakol, just use the suggestions here and you will do fine. Good luck and let us know how it went.