Hugs for all sharing their stories.

I have had things done to me as a young child. I was in and out of different homes because my mom partied. I saw things happen to my mother while she was passed out. In all the homes I was welcomed into there were scary situations that happened. I was made to think I was suppose to allow these things to happen. I grew up hating and distrusting ALL men. I started to believe that this is how all men act.
After completing my Master training, I was able to start empowering myself as a woman. I now know that all situations in our lives are for us to grow spiritually, no matter how bad the situation was. That dosen't make what happened to all of us ok nor does it justify it. We all need to REALLY get out there and stop the subliminal messages being sent to the men through media!
I don't want to sound like a crazy person, but why does sex sell? and why are we ok with that term? and why do we feel like we should surgically alter our bodies to look like 16 year olds?
I hope I'm not the only one who sees this.
sorry to go off on a tangent!

The last time I looked the stats on men was 1 in 5, but that was 10 years ago and the numbers may reflect an under-reporting.

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) www.rainn.org
Statistics
Key Facts
Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.
One in six American women are victims of sexual assault, and one in 33 men.
In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.
About 44% of rape victims are under age 18, and 80% are under age 30.
Since 1993, rape/sexual assault has fallen by over 69%.

"Since 1993, rape/sexual assault has fallen by over 69%"

Really?? I would have guessed it to have risen instead of going down.



As I read the stories posted on here, I am full of emotion. I'm heartbroken that so many have had to experience and live out these 'violations'. I'm disgusted that as a society we 'tolerate' such violence. I'm scared to death that my DD or other loved one is going to be threatened by such a thing.

I'm concerned that sex has just become a past time and that very fact can lead to more women being used as simply an object to entertain oneself with. And the prevalence of pornography online has fueled the fire so to speak, also.



Thanks Aussie for this thread. I think that even though it's hard to discuss these issues, it certainly is necessary for us as doulas, moms, and women. You are right, it can happen any place, at any time, and any age.

As shown just in this thread alone, HALF OF ALL WOMEN WHO ARE RAPED DO NOT REPORT IT TO THE POLICE. I feel this greatly contributes to the "statistics" mentioned.

Many things could be attributed to the "69% fall in rape/sexual assault". As I mentioned, one that strongly comes to mind is that women just have not been reporting it as much over the last 14 years. The way society has become could have a great effect on women's reluctance to come forward about rape in that time; maybe with all the sensation surrounding the many women of the early 90's who came forward about child abuse and repressed memories (remember that wave?) other women then felt less credible if they came forward about sexual assault after that.

That is just one scenario of many that I can think of that would account for these numbers supposedly having fallen.

AllDoulas Statistics:

• As of this posting, 40% of our members responding to this poll have been raped (that's 2 in 5).
• Of those members, half of them were under the age of 16!
• Alarmingly, almost 85% of them were raped by someone they already knew, and - as I mentioned earlier - 50% of the respondants never reported it to the police.
• Just under 27% of our responding members have been raped more than once.

Reading all of your stories made my heart ache and weep. I'm sorry for the pain you endured / endure .
I voted "other" because I'm not really sure how to categorize it. I was 30, a single mother, and on Christmas Eve my boss asked me to stay late (after the holiday party), he pushed me against the wall and held my arms. He kept kissing me, grinding himself into me, and telling me really lewdly what he was going to do to me. I was so shocked; I tried crying, I tried telling him I was interested but it couldn't be now, I tried telling him that he was married and would regret this. He had at least 6 inches on me, and about 70 pounds; I couldn't move. Then one of the doctors from the practice walked in, and he pulled away from me. The other dr. looked at me funnily and asked if everything was okay. I was shaking; I was still so scared, and I said "everything's great" (I hate that I did that), and I started grabbing my stuff to leave and he came out to me again, said "I'm still going to f--- you" and walked away" - I left and never went back there. I had bruises on my arms for weeks after that.I still get angry with myself for not doing more to stop him. I've never worked for a man since then, and I never will again. I'm still not comfortable being alone with men I don't know, and I don't imagine that will change anytime soon.

MichelleS, I'm so very thankful that you were not further harmed by this male. [I have a hard time calling thugs like this "men"] I am also thankful for the other man coming in at the time he did. I know this has been difficult & traumatic and I do thank you for sharing a part of your life with us.

I was never raped, but I was molested, for a year and a half starting when I was about 13 by a 27 year old man I thought loved me. He was the only father figure in my life, so I guess I thought it was normal and it was our little secret and that if I didn't, I would lose the only male influence in my life. . I never told anyone until I was abou 20.

I feel the same way. Thank you all for sharing your stories and experiences, it's so sad that in our little community, so many of you have been victimized. One can only hope that continued awareness will bring women forward against their attackers, it's so sad that so few women report sexual abuse to the police. It never even crossed my mind after I was molested, and that man had three young children.

For those of you willing to share, why didn't you report the abuse?

I"m in shock by what we have all gone through. It is horrible that so many girls and women are victimized and more then once. I myself have never been raped but was molested once when I was about 8yrs old by a couple of older neighborhood boys. It didn't get very far because I knew it was wrong and got the h#ll out of there. I told a couple of friends when I was about 23yrs old and now all of you. It never really affected me, I don't think.

Thank you all again for sharing your stories and I hope that as time goes on we as women can teach our daughters strength and if it ever happens to them they can fight back. Writing this, my 3yr old daughter is sitting at the table singing to her favourite television show and eating corn pops. I can't imagine anything ever happening to her but with these stats it is a very real possibility. It makes want to cry.

Wow, I don't know how I missed this thread when it first came out. Thank you to all for sharing your stories. I know it was very hard to relive it. I have a different sort of story. My oldest daughter was raped. She was only 6 and it was a boy in the neighborhood who was 14. It was my DH's birthday and he was at work as it was a drill weekend. I was baking a cake and the kids were riding their bikes out front. (my oldest was 8 at the time) It got really quiet and I went out front to look for them. Nothing. It took me about an hour of looking to realize where they might be. I went to that house and banged on the door. I heard my son yelling. I continued to bang on the door and then smashed a side window in to get to the door lock. By that time this "boy" was at the door and my two kids were running towards me. My daughter had blood on her and so did my son. He beat up my son because he was trying to prevent this kid from hurting his sister. I called the police and they sent a member of the sexual assult team to our house and talked to my kids. They didn't arrest this kid right away, but we took our daughter to her pediatrician right away and he came into his office on Sunday to see her so she wouldn't have the added trauma of going to the ER and seeing a dr she didn't know. This kid had the nerve to come to our house the next day. He came into our garage. My daughter screamed. When I went out I grabbed his bicycle and threw it into the street. I'm not ashamed to say I took this kid and slammed his head over and over again into the inner garage door and then threw HIM into the street. When the police told me they could arrest me for it I told them to go right on ahead. For his safety they finally arrested him. Since this monster was only 14 he got off on 18 months probation and one year house arrest... except for going to school, which he was failing anyway. He also was never allowed to go to the same school as my kids. My kids seem to have come through this ok over time. My daughter seems to have blocked a lot of it out and the memory has never recovered and I hope it doesn't. My son remembers it but the memories are distorted. My daughter, however, is very adament that she does not want children and cannot pinpoint the reason. I wonder.
Of all mornings for this to happen, my DH overtightened the coffee pot lid last night and now I cannot get the darn lid off! I need my coffee!!!!!

Oh Lucinda; this made me cry. I couldn't not write after reading this. I am so sorry for your daughter's and families pain. I am so sorry that something like this could happen to your beautiful little girl. Hugs and prayers don't seem like enough, I'm sorry, but I'm sending both your way.

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Why didn't I report it?
Because I was made to feel like it was normal (I was about 8 when it started). By the time I got older and realized it wasn't "normal" I felt like it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't a traumatic event. It didn't really count. I also thought it hadn't really effected me. I didn't learn that it had really effected me until I met my husband. I suppose something about meeting the right guy gave me the strength to let down my guard and process everything. After a bit of reading I could absolutely reflect on some of the choices I made and could easily see how I had been effected.