I guess I'm worried that he'll turn it around on me because he's such a manipulator. As I said, when I've finally opened up to some friends/family, I've heard a lot of refusal to accept what I was saying as he's such a "charmer". Ironically, his own family (mom and dad) are more aware of his issues and believe me (although his mom still thinks - thanks to him - that I do everything for attention. Apparently, going into preterm labour, PPD, asking for help when #2 had colic, having depression related to hypothyroidism after #2, calling the cops when he was drunk and throwing things and yelling at me and then having the cops take the kids and I away from him, being completely exhausted and puking several times a day with #3... All of that was just me craving attention.)

Recently I was really sick and having trouble breathing. I'd asked my mom to come and either take me to the ER or watch the kids while H took me. My mom came over and then said that "some people enjoy going to the ER because the doctors and nurses give you attention. It's like munchausims" (spelling?) H chimed in and agreed that I was probably fine and going to the ER would be a waste of time. Obviously I ended up being okay, but that's not the point. I have to be on my deathbed (literally) before they will help me. Once, when I was only married 2 weeks I was passing out and seizing and they finally took me and the staff said I was dying of malnutrition (was just starting to recover from anorexia). 2nd time in the past 7 years of marriage that I went to the ER, I'd been puking every few minutes for several hours. H was home the whole time but did nothing to help me and unfortunately, as soon as my mom arrived and I went to the ER, I didn't puke anymore so it made it look like I was exagerating.

So, because everything is always turned back around to bite me in the butt (and make me look like I'm crazy or not fully competent, I want to protect myself as much as possible against any possible accusations.

I chose Other. I have been assaulted but not raped.

I thought I wouldn't share because alot of it still very complicated for me and even more complicated because I am also a transitioning sex worker (meaning I am trying to figure out another career path). First time I was 12 years old, it was my cousin some details are blurry but I am still trying to sort out the feelings and how I could get an orgasm without even consenting to sex.

It doesn't help much how people are claiming because I was abused as a child and as a teenager that I am a sex worker because of what happened to me when I have met many sex workers who are in the sex trade because of financial reasons or thier own enjoyment of it. Which makes this even more complicated for me almost to the point is gives me a migrain or anxeity.

The most horrific time was when I was about 18 years old, I was held captive in man/landlord who had a room for rent ad in his home I had no idea I shoudln't rent from there I was more concern about running away from my family and the neglect my parents were giving me, Like I said it gets complicated, Right now I have no children of my own just fur babies/cats. What concerns me is when I do one day meet someone and have my first child to term, since I have had miscarriages and a still born. I am not sure how I can handle giving birth to full term and then raising a child. Now I think I have said to much I am in threapy and a lot of what I posted here I haven't even talked about in threapy I guess the poll brought some of those issued out which I don't mind sharing I have been keeping most of it bottled up for a long time and I am trying to get it out there so It doesn't crush me from the inside.